If Today Was Your Last Day

{JOHN’S POV}

*3 Months Later*

Tour, to my surprise, was pretty awesome. I kept a day-to-date journal about everything that happened in hopes that when I returned, Aubrey would be able to read it. I wondered about how she was and how she was dealing with her condition. I didn’t believe that she’d pass away after the week I left. She was too strong for that. She was the most stubborn person I knew and there was no way she was letting death come over her.

The bus stopped at my house after a few more minutes. The rest of the guys had already been dropped off and this was the final stop.

“Thanks for the ride,” I told the bus driver as I hopped off and watched him go away.

I was too excited to see Aubrey. It had been a long and hard journey without her and I was dying to know how she was feeling. Before I left, the doctor had told me that she’d been feeling better and I knew that that was only the beginning of it. Well, I wasn’t really certain but I had a feeling. I really great feeling that we’d be together for the rest of our lives.

I walked past the mailbox and noticed that I had some mail. I simply switched hands and made the left carry my bag as I grabbed all the stuff from the mailbox. There were a bunch of letters from fans but there was one with a different envelope. It was one from the hospital that Aubrey had been staying in.

There was big heart in front with my name on it and I smiled as I ran a finger on it. I climbed the porch in a rush as I grabbed my house key from my pocket. Once I opened the door, I quickly got inside and literally ran into the living room. I placed my bag on the floor and the other letters on the coffee table eager to read what was written in the envelope that Aubrey had sent.

I smiled as I opened up the envelope – tearing it up here and there – and flipped open the flaps of the paper she had written on.

I just looked at the words on the paper and loved how her handwriting had grown through the years. I looked at the very top and saw that she had written this on the day I told her I was leaving for tour. I smiled as I remembered every detail of that very day.

I didn’t delay it any longer. I started to read from the very top.

Dear John,

God, that reminds me of that Amanda Seyfried movie I asked you to watch about a thousand times. Remember when you refused to watch it because the title sounded weird to you? We laughed for hours. But I guess it’s not time for fun and games because if you’re reading this letter, that must mean that I’m in an extensive coma or I’m stuck six feet under the ground right next to my father. You didn’t think I’d leave without saying goodbye for real, did you? But don’t you lose that charming smile of yours. The world needs to see that wonderful smile. I know I would because I practically sigh in adoration inside as I watch your lips curve up the way they do when you show me that you’re happy.

Anyway, I need you to know that even if I’m gone, life will go on and I want you to live it to the fullest with each passing day. Do crazy things and stay true to yourself. Change only for the better, John. But I don’t think you’d need to since you’re practically amazing just the way you are. (Sorry, I heard that song a week ago and I never really got around to forgetting the lyrics. Ha-ha.) I want you to stay the same no matter what because being someone else might destroy you and everything you’ve worked so hard for in your life.

Wait, I just read everything I wrote and I’m not sure I’m making any sense. Am I making sense to you, John? I hope I am because I want this letter to be full of sense and meaning. I hope you don’t throw it in the trash after reading. Not that I’d know but, whatever.

So as I’m writing this, I’m actually watching you sleep. And you know what? You have developed a very cute snore. I wish I could hear it day in and day out but due to time constraint, I can’t. Can you believe I’m being really perky about this? I know it’s weird; it’s scaring the shit out of me too. But basically, I have nothing to say to make things better. I mean when I imagine you reading this, I always see tears forming and the sides of the paper crumpling. Are you on the verge of shedding this paper in shreds? I hope not. I mean, I want you to read through everything I’ve written down here because I worked my ass off just to write this to you. Just kidding.

John, I want you to remind you to listen to your heart more than your head. Your heart knows what’s real and right that’s why you have to pay attention to what it says and who knows, maybe it’ll set you free one day. It would probably have said that you were meant for someone better than what I could’ve been and that you two would run away together happily and maybe, in time, make a family. I could already see little boys and girls running around your home just laughing and being kids. I wish I could be there to see you have many more firsts but unfortunately, time didn’t allow me. Maybe it’s saying that I’m a hindrance to you and that’s why it wanted me far, far away. I don’t know anymore. I’m confused as it is.

You know, my mother always said that what I had with you – our friendship – was just a phase in my life that I should’ve forgotten. Should I have listened to her, John? So I could relieve you of the pain that might be crawling up your skin right about now? But if I did end up forgetting about you, who would I have? I would’ve had no one left to care for me. You were always there for me, John. And for that, I’m forever indebted to you.

I want to thank you for all the memories that we’ve shared and for the times where you taught me to be who I am now. I want to thank you for staying with me through this really rough patch and for not being like the others who came once and left the next day. I want you to know that in some way, life will reward you. I don’t know how yet but I’m sure you’ll find out soon.

You will be in my heart forevermore, John O’Callaghan. And hopefully, you’ll get through this and face life as a great challenge that you’ll always be willing to accept. Promise me that you’ll never throw your life away and that you’ll always live to chase and follow your dreams. Remember when I told you that the only dreams that counted are the ones you had while you were awake? I mean that and I want you to always keep that in mind because I won’t be here to remind you.

I wish you the best and always know that I love you.

Sincerely,
Aubrey

I read it over and over trying to process the whole thing. I didn’t know how to deal with the anger I felt but something in me told me that it was worthless to blow up and throw things around the room. So instead of going ballistic, I opened up my guitar case that contained my acoustic guitar and grabbed a pen and the notepad I kept in the drawer of the table beside the couch.

For about an hour and a half, I wrote a song that conjured up every emotion I was feeling at the moment. Once I deemed myself to be ready, I got up, placed the guitar back in its case and placed the lyrics in my pocket. I made my way to the foyer and retrieved the keys before heading out of my house to my car. I placed the guitar in the passenger’s seat before driving to the only cemetery I knew was in town.

I didn’t know why I was doing this but for some reason, I needed to tell Aubrey these things. So once I got to the cemetery, I brought my guitar to where her father’s grave was, knowing that she’d land right beside him. I observed the grave and saw that the grass over the soil where her corpse now laid had grown fully. I sat on the dirt right in front of her grave stone and read the information that was written on it.

“So I guess this is where forever ends for us, huh?” I said reaching for my guitar. “But I just want you to know that you can count on me to fulfil the promises you asked me to make. I can’t say I’ll do them whole-heartedly though but I’ll try my best to. Anyway, here’s a song I wrote for you. I hope you like it.”

And with that, I started strumming the familiar chords that had been ringing in my ears since about an hour ago. The song was called Listen to Your Heart and I only wish I wrote this sooner so she could hear me sing it to her.

"We're too young, this is never gonna work"
That's what they say, "you're gonna get hurt"
But I know something they don't.
I hear your heart; it's beating right in time.
Right from the start I knew I had to make you mine,
And now I'll never let you go.
Don't they know that love won't lie?

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
Don't listen to your friends; they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Listen to your heart.

This promise doesn't have to be so loud,
Just whisper I could find you in a crowd.
I think it's time we ran away.
Your father says I'm not good enough for you.
Your mother she thinks that this is just a phase,
I think that we should run away.

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
Don't listen to your friends; they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Listen to your heart.

You gotta listen to your heart.
Go on and listen to your heart.
Come on and listen to your heart.
It will tell the truth,
It will set you free,
It will say that you were meant for me,
And this is where we're supposed to be.
Yeah!

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it,
But I know we'll make it.
Don't listen to your friends; they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Love will never ever let us fall apart,
you gotta listen to your heart.
Go on and listen to your heart.
You've gotta listen to your heart.
Come on and listen to your heart.
Listen to your heart.

I let the tears fall freely as I mourned for her. Who knew how long the hurt would last? I surely didn’t but I knew that life had to go on no matter what and I wasn’t to throw it away. I had to bring to life her last wishes and nothing was going to stop me from doing it.