oh, denial

“Tell me about yourself,” Gerard requested, sipping at his smoothie. We’d bought tickets for a movie and were killing time at the mall before it started.

“What do you mean?” I asked him, raising my brows.

Gerard shrugged, the hand that was holding the cup falling to his side. “Anything… I want to know about you. I mean, we’ve been hanging out and all that, but I don’t really know anything about you.”

“Mikey says you don’t know anything about the other guys you mess around with,” I told him, a smirk playing across my lips.

Gerard frowned, tossing his drink into a trashcan. He shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. “Mikey doesn’t know anything,” he said. “Not about me, at least.”

“I didn’t mean anything bad, Gerard…”

He stopped walking, looking at me with serious eyes. “Yeah, Frankie, you did. I mean, maybe you didn’t mean to, but you did. I don’t just fuck around, you know. Sure, there are guys and we do fuck around and all that, but it’s not just sex our heated moments near a bathroom in a bar.”

He stepped a little closer toward me and placed his palm on my cheek. “I like you, Frank. Even though you think I don’t mean it, I do.”

“Can we not talk about this?” I asked him. “I’m really not in the mood considering I just got into a fight with my best friend.” I look up at Gerard and smile. “I came out with you to have fun, you know. So, why don’t we do that?”

Gerard sighed, a smile finding his lips as he shoved his hands back into his pockets. Even though I’d never tell him, he really was the most beautiful guy I’d ever seen. He probably didn’t even realize it. With his eyes on his shoes, he shook his head.

“Okay, Frankie; whatever you say.” Once again, his eyes found mine. “Let’s have some fun.”

In the beginning, Gerard and I were mostly kissing in small spaces where nobody could really see us unless they were looking. And, to be honest, it was quite fun. I enjoyed the feeling of Gerard’s hands roaming my sides and sneaking up the back of my shirt. I liked feeling his lips against mine and the warm air that flew from his nostrils as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Jesus Fucking Christ,” Gerard breathed out as my lips left his and found the sensitive skin of his neck. His head fell against the back wall of the movie theater and his eyes slipped shut. Luckily, in the dark of the theater, the few people in the room couldn’t see us.

I’d never been the type of person who enjoyed PDA. When it came to relationships, or anything of that nature, I considered myself to be a little conservative. I would hold hands give or receive a kiss to the cheek and, if I was feeling adventurous, perhaps I would get a little lip action. Other than that, everything happened behind closed doors.

With Gerard, however, things were different. I didn’t mind that people could see things were getting heated in the back row of that movie theater. I didn’t care that my hair was getting messed up and people would be able to tell that I’d gotten some action while the film was rolling. What surprised me was that I actually kind of enjoyed it.

I didn’t even mind that we never saw that movie. In my mind, it was ten dollars well spent.

And then the lights came on and as the credits rolled and people began to file out of the theater, Gerard and I shared a seat and laughed.

“Holy fuck,” Gerard said, running a hand through his hair. “I never would have pegged you for an exhibitionist, Frankie.”

I grinned, a blush rushing to my cheeks as I lowered my gaze. “To be honest, Gerard, I wouldn’t have either.”

We left the movie theater once we had deemed ourselves presentable and, after we’d climbed into Gerard’s car, I sighed and leaned back into my seat.

“You know, Gerard,” I said. “Today wasn’t so bad. You did a pretty good job of cheering me up.”
Gerard glanced over at me and smiled. “Well, I’m glad I could be of service.”

I laughed, as we both fell silent and Gerard turned the radio up. I kept my eyes on his profile and drank him in. I wasn’t sure where this was going at all. I couldn’t see myself in a relationship simply because everything was so unstable. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted things to stay as they were.

“Hey, Gerard?” I said.

“Yeah?” He said, his eyes finding mine for a few brief seconds.

“I like you, too.”