Heat

I never thought I could love again.

You know how I am, Vin, I’m dedicated, loyal to the end. But then, I thought the same thing about you and you proved me wrong, so I shouldn’t be surprised that I’ve done something I once thought out of my character.

--

I was surprised when it happened.

It wasn’t like we were just meeting for the first time and sparks were flying or anything. I had met Jesse a long time ago. He was one of your friends, a fellow up-and-coming racer just like you. But unlike you, he wasn’t afraid to say that he was gay.

It was three years after I left you that I saw him again. I was getting my oil changed when he was driving by in one of those flashy cars the two of you had built from the ground up while I brought you lemonade and towels to wipe the sweat from your necks and faces. He stopped when he saw me standing outside the Jiffy Lube and pulled into the parking lot, hopping out of his car and marching up to me with a look of fierce determination.

Since the last time I had seen him he had cut his once long, straggly hair to a more fitting length around his chin and he was cleaned up. For the first time I saw something in Jesse that I never had when we were together: an attractive, fully formed man.

“I thought that was you.” He said with a smile, not hesitating to pick me up and give me a hug that crushed all air out of my lungs. “I’ve missed seeing you around. Vin fucked up letting you go.” He set me down and smiled at me, showing all of his teeth in the process.

“Thanks Jess,” I mumbled, trying to smile. I was happy to see you, but I had had no reason to smile in quite some time, and my lips had forgotten how to properly do so. He demanded we go out for drinks, and I said yes.

--

Things weren’t like they were with you, Vin. My first time with love was a whirlwind, it was a warm summer storm when the sun is out, the kind I was dancing in when you first saw me. We were a tornado that sucked up everything in its path and left no survivors to tell our tale.

With Jesse everything was different.

Love blossomed slowly in my heart after I agreed to be his boyfriend after much wheedling on his part. He was gentle and loving and he changed me for the better.

Jesse made me feel beautiful again. He made me feel loved and wanted and fixed everything you had broken. When we made love his fingers would graze over my skin as if it were made of porcelain and kiss every inch of me with such loving intensity it brought me to tears which he promptly kissed away.

I no longer needed to drive by and see you daily to be happy, all I needed was to hear Jesse’s voice, see his smiling face, and I was filled to the brim with the sort of joy I couldn’t describe even if I wanted to.

Unlike you, Jesse brought me to his races and showed me off with pride, bragging about my accomplishments in the art world before he kissed me and hopped in his car. He never let me ride with him, but I understood that. It was too dangerous. So when he raced he took the ring I always wore on my middle finger and slid it onto his pinky.

“This has your spirit in it, so it’ll protect me from harm,” he said. “It’ll be a substitute for the good-luck charm on the sidelines.”

I saw you a few times, and we made friendly conversation, but after a few moments I was always anxious to be back at His side. It wasn’t like my heart didn’t still thud in my chest when I saw you, but it didn’t shatter into the trillions of pieces it had after I left. And it wasn’t like you were any less gorgeous, but I only had eyes for my Jesse.

And now when I walked away from you, I knew where I was going: right back into the arms of my love.