Status: Sequel On The Way
A Whole Lot of Jackass
Chapter Two
So the day had finally come where I was to supervise Johnny Knoxville, a guy I had met two days a go for a twenty minute coffee, shooting himself with a small hand gun in the middle of the dessert. Yesterday at work Jeff had sat down and talked to me as to what footage exactly he wanted so the magazine could get a good article out of it, as well as Kosicks who had taught me how to work a camera, not that I listened to any of it or needed it, plus I was hoping to get a laugh out of today while making money at the same time. Right now it was 10am and I was in my car following the useless directions Jeff had given me to Johnny's apartment. But driving down the small street I finally found the right numbered house and, getting out my car, I walked up to the front door and knocked.
"Hey, you must be Lowri, I'm Melanie" A woman around the same age as me smiled holding out her hand, "to tell you the truth he's not ready yet, you want to come in?" Laughing, I accepted before stepping into the house.
"So I'm guessing your not totally sure about what he's doing to himself today?" I smiled at her and sat down at the small table in the kitchen.
"Oh don't even remind me, do me a favor today and just...look after him. He isn't the strongest man in the world to be honest. Coffee?" She offered after laughing off what looked like fear, I couldn't blame her though I mean who wants to know their husband is going to shoot themselves.
"Em..no thanks." Before the chance an awkward silence could appear, Johnny walked around the corner holding a little girl in his arm. The little girl looked only about 3-4 year old and had short and beautiful wavy blond hair that surrounded her face, she wore a little, cut pink dress that read princess on the front.
"Hello there Lowri, how are you today?" He grinned.
"I'm good how are you?"
"Not too bad, I have a feeling it's going to be a good day!"
"You would! Come on you better get going," She took the little girl out of his arms and placed a kiss on his lips, "see you tonight." He picked up a large gym bag and swung it over his shoulder, I stood and went to the door with him as Melanie followed.
"See you tonight, love you." Johnny shouted.
"Love you too...and be careful!" She laughed "Bye Lowri"
"Bye, it was nice meeting you."
We both started to walk towards my car when he stopped suddenly,
"Woah, where you going?" smirking he placed his bag on the ground and opened the door to his car, "were going in my car".
"Oh no we are not! If your shooting yourself and basically torturing yourself were going in my car so I have an easy escape if anything goes wrong!" I said straight and got into my car, Johnny just stood there for a few seconds looking from me to his car to me again before huffing, picking up his bag, locking his car back up and finally getting in my car.
"You better pray the tazer doesn't slip!" he smirked clipping in his seat belt in. I looked over at him my jaw dropped wide open and he started to laugh but even though I tried to keep my face still, his laugh was just to funny that I collapsed into laughter, making us laugh more.
"Right! Kosicks is joining us half way there in his car sooo...Desert, let's go!" I shouted and started the engine slowly pulling out on the deserted road.
"Well I'm Johnny Knoxville from the United States of America and today we are going to be testing the reliability of some self defense equipment on myself." He crouched down by a bunch of supplies and held them up to the camera, which Rick was holding. "First were going to test the pepper spray and Lowri here," he paused as the camera spun to show me stood by him, "is going to be the victim of my attack." He laughed as a nervous smile crept over his face, "this is gonna suck!" He stood still with his feet firm and his eyes wide open as I tried to work out how to use it.
"So I just point and spray?" I asked as I kept squinting at the bottle.
"Well I don't think there are any special tricks you can do with it!" Johnny joked. Over the past few hours, through the car ride and everything, me and Johnny had gotten on really well and we actually had a lot in common which ended up in us sharing a lot of laughs.
"Okay here it goes" I was stood about a meter away from him with my arm out stretched towards him, i sprayed him and I think, I think it instantly had an effect.
"Ow, oh it feels like my eyes have gonorrhea!" I laughed and stumbled off camera as Johnny stumbled to the ground blinking his eyes violently in pain while holding his head. If this was the weakest test, I was scared for him to complete the next test, never mind the hand gun. He did quickly get up off the ground but was still flailing his arm around him trying to get rid of the pain, I threw him a towel and stillness came as he stood there with it held to his eyes, maybe it was a good idea only me and Rick came.
"You ready for test two?" I asked him cautiously as I felt the camera on me for the second time.
"Yeah, okay. Time for test two: The Stun Gun" He said calming down, I picked up the stun gun and, turning it on, showed the camera. When I turned around Johnny was stood, ready, holding an American flag on a pole, "Charge!" he chanted and marched towards me, but the stunner quickly stopped him and he fell straight to the ground with a thump. A few minutes later he sat up and lifted up his shirt to show the battle 'scar'.
"It really didn't leave any sort of mark" He said while prodding his stomach.
"You wanna do it again?"
"No." Johnny said plainly, he finally got up off the ground and faced me while I was still laughing, "you enjoy doing this to me?" He smirked.
"A little," I smirked back but he turned away, as Rick went away for a few minutes to set the camera up for the next shot Johnny turned back to me,
"So erm...when we get back into town do you want to go get a drink or something, you know get to know each other better?" he shrugged and tucked his hands in his pockets shyly.
"Yeah, sure I think I can spare a few hours for you" I smiled and as Rick returned with the small, hand held camera he walked over to the spot he was stood in before and took his shirt off,
"Getting comfortable?" I giggled.
"It's getting hot in here, so take of all you clothes!" Johnny sang as he watched me slowly pick up the tazer from the line of weapons, I laughed while I stood a good few yards back from him and pointed the tazer.
"Weren't you on 90210?" The tazer fired and I really couldn't tell by Johnny's reaction!
"Ow ouch!" I laughed as I kept pressing it, "Lowri you better put that thing down or I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! OW!"
"Ha ha, you alright?" Giggling I helped him up and looked inspected the damage of the small spikes sticking in his chest. I moved out the way and he pulled the spikes out of his chest before wiping himself down with a bottle off pure vodka to get away any infections that could occur.
"I bet you'll smell nice when you get home!" I laughed.
"No, that one hurt, that was worse than the pepper spray."
Final test the hand gun.
"So how reliable is this 'bullet proof vest'?" I asked as I helped him zip it up.
"$30 reliable!" He stated.
"Oh God!" I set the gun up so it was ready to shoot, "Okay just so you know I haven't done this before so if this goes wrong it isn't my fault." I pointed the gun and shot it as Johnny instantly went down on the ground. "You okay?"
"Mhm." Johnny groaned rolling over on his back to look up at me.
"You okay, you seeing straight? Is there two of me? Can you hear me?" I shouted so he defiantly could hear.
"Yeah I'm okay." After a few minutes Johnny finally got the strength back to get himself of the ground and inspect the damage done to his stomach.
"So which one was the worst?" I asked as I looked at the forming bruise slowly taking place.
"Oh definitely the pepper spray, that hurt like hell, more than anything!"
Soon after that we all got packed up and headed home where we dropped Johnny's bag off before heading to the near by bar. Once we got out the car at 'Hartley's' we walked in together finding a small table at the back that looked cozy enough to sit and have a few drinks.
"I'll go to the bar, what can I get you?" Johnny asked as he lay his leather jacket over the back of the wooden chair he was sat upon.
"Erm...I'll have a coke please."
"Not a beer?"
"I would but I'm driving" I smiled making myself comfortable in the seat as Johnny walked over to the bar, but one thing at the back of my mind kept bugging me. What was I doing here? I mean sure he invited me to get a drink as a friend, right? What else could it be, there was no doubt that Johnny was super hot but he was in a relationship, a big one. I was probably just thinking to much into it.
"One coke for the lady!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by the very guy I was thinking about sitting down and looking at me.
"Thanks."
"So how long you been working at Big Brother?" He asked trying to start a conversation.
"I started in 1993, so about 3 years nearly." He looked shocked as he lent back in his seat.
"3 years! You only look about 20. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"
"I'm 26, you?" I asked.
"28, and feeling young!" He smiled and I returned it before asking another question.
"So was that your daughter you were holding this morning?" He grinned and nodded slowly.
"Yeah...Madison, she's only 4 year old."
"They do grow up quick." I laughed and he joined me. "She was beautiful though, she looked like a daddy's girl!"
"You got that right!" He smiled once more before looking straight at me, "So your friends with Jeff?"
"Yep, have been since I started working there."
"You heard his band yet?" He laughed.
"Oh God yes! Did he get you too?"
"Yep, Milk are the best these days!" We both shared a laugh at Jeff before the conversation moved on and we found ourselves sat there for hours talking about things we had in common and the people we both just happened to know. After I dropped Johnny back off at home I made my own way home to have a relaxing night after the day I had just had.
"Hey, you must be Lowri, I'm Melanie" A woman around the same age as me smiled holding out her hand, "to tell you the truth he's not ready yet, you want to come in?" Laughing, I accepted before stepping into the house.
"So I'm guessing your not totally sure about what he's doing to himself today?" I smiled at her and sat down at the small table in the kitchen.
"Oh don't even remind me, do me a favor today and just...look after him. He isn't the strongest man in the world to be honest. Coffee?" She offered after laughing off what looked like fear, I couldn't blame her though I mean who wants to know their husband is going to shoot themselves.
"Em..no thanks." Before the chance an awkward silence could appear, Johnny walked around the corner holding a little girl in his arm. The little girl looked only about 3-4 year old and had short and beautiful wavy blond hair that surrounded her face, she wore a little, cut pink dress that read princess on the front.
"Hello there Lowri, how are you today?" He grinned.
"I'm good how are you?"
"Not too bad, I have a feeling it's going to be a good day!"
"You would! Come on you better get going," She took the little girl out of his arms and placed a kiss on his lips, "see you tonight." He picked up a large gym bag and swung it over his shoulder, I stood and went to the door with him as Melanie followed.
"See you tonight, love you." Johnny shouted.
"Love you too...and be careful!" She laughed "Bye Lowri"
"Bye, it was nice meeting you."
We both started to walk towards my car when he stopped suddenly,
"Woah, where you going?" smirking he placed his bag on the ground and opened the door to his car, "were going in my car".
"Oh no we are not! If your shooting yourself and basically torturing yourself were going in my car so I have an easy escape if anything goes wrong!" I said straight and got into my car, Johnny just stood there for a few seconds looking from me to his car to me again before huffing, picking up his bag, locking his car back up and finally getting in my car.
"You better pray the tazer doesn't slip!" he smirked clipping in his seat belt in. I looked over at him my jaw dropped wide open and he started to laugh but even though I tried to keep my face still, his laugh was just to funny that I collapsed into laughter, making us laugh more.
"Right! Kosicks is joining us half way there in his car sooo...Desert, let's go!" I shouted and started the engine slowly pulling out on the deserted road.
"Well I'm Johnny Knoxville from the United States of America and today we are going to be testing the reliability of some self defense equipment on myself." He crouched down by a bunch of supplies and held them up to the camera, which Rick was holding. "First were going to test the pepper spray and Lowri here," he paused as the camera spun to show me stood by him, "is going to be the victim of my attack." He laughed as a nervous smile crept over his face, "this is gonna suck!" He stood still with his feet firm and his eyes wide open as I tried to work out how to use it.
"So I just point and spray?" I asked as I kept squinting at the bottle.
"Well I don't think there are any special tricks you can do with it!" Johnny joked. Over the past few hours, through the car ride and everything, me and Johnny had gotten on really well and we actually had a lot in common which ended up in us sharing a lot of laughs.
"Okay here it goes" I was stood about a meter away from him with my arm out stretched towards him, i sprayed him and I think, I think it instantly had an effect.
"Ow, oh it feels like my eyes have gonorrhea!" I laughed and stumbled off camera as Johnny stumbled to the ground blinking his eyes violently in pain while holding his head. If this was the weakest test, I was scared for him to complete the next test, never mind the hand gun. He did quickly get up off the ground but was still flailing his arm around him trying to get rid of the pain, I threw him a towel and stillness came as he stood there with it held to his eyes, maybe it was a good idea only me and Rick came.
"You ready for test two?" I asked him cautiously as I felt the camera on me for the second time.
"Yeah, okay. Time for test two: The Stun Gun" He said calming down, I picked up the stun gun and, turning it on, showed the camera. When I turned around Johnny was stood, ready, holding an American flag on a pole, "Charge!" he chanted and marched towards me, but the stunner quickly stopped him and he fell straight to the ground with a thump. A few minutes later he sat up and lifted up his shirt to show the battle 'scar'.
"It really didn't leave any sort of mark" He said while prodding his stomach.
"You wanna do it again?"
"No." Johnny said plainly, he finally got up off the ground and faced me while I was still laughing, "you enjoy doing this to me?" He smirked.
"A little," I smirked back but he turned away, as Rick went away for a few minutes to set the camera up for the next shot Johnny turned back to me,
"So erm...when we get back into town do you want to go get a drink or something, you know get to know each other better?" he shrugged and tucked his hands in his pockets shyly.
"Yeah, sure I think I can spare a few hours for you" I smiled and as Rick returned with the small, hand held camera he walked over to the spot he was stood in before and took his shirt off,
"Getting comfortable?" I giggled.
"It's getting hot in here, so take of all you clothes!" Johnny sang as he watched me slowly pick up the tazer from the line of weapons, I laughed while I stood a good few yards back from him and pointed the tazer.
"Weren't you on 90210?" The tazer fired and I really couldn't tell by Johnny's reaction!
"Ow ouch!" I laughed as I kept pressing it, "Lowri you better put that thing down or I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! OW!"
"Ha ha, you alright?" Giggling I helped him up and looked inspected the damage of the small spikes sticking in his chest. I moved out the way and he pulled the spikes out of his chest before wiping himself down with a bottle off pure vodka to get away any infections that could occur.
"I bet you'll smell nice when you get home!" I laughed.
"No, that one hurt, that was worse than the pepper spray."
Final test the hand gun.
"So how reliable is this 'bullet proof vest'?" I asked as I helped him zip it up.
"$30 reliable!" He stated.
"Oh God!" I set the gun up so it was ready to shoot, "Okay just so you know I haven't done this before so if this goes wrong it isn't my fault." I pointed the gun and shot it as Johnny instantly went down on the ground. "You okay?"
"Mhm." Johnny groaned rolling over on his back to look up at me.
"You okay, you seeing straight? Is there two of me? Can you hear me?" I shouted so he defiantly could hear.
"Yeah I'm okay." After a few minutes Johnny finally got the strength back to get himself of the ground and inspect the damage done to his stomach.
"So which one was the worst?" I asked as I looked at the forming bruise slowly taking place.
"Oh definitely the pepper spray, that hurt like hell, more than anything!"
Soon after that we all got packed up and headed home where we dropped Johnny's bag off before heading to the near by bar. Once we got out the car at 'Hartley's' we walked in together finding a small table at the back that looked cozy enough to sit and have a few drinks.
"I'll go to the bar, what can I get you?" Johnny asked as he lay his leather jacket over the back of the wooden chair he was sat upon.
"Erm...I'll have a coke please."
"Not a beer?"
"I would but I'm driving" I smiled making myself comfortable in the seat as Johnny walked over to the bar, but one thing at the back of my mind kept bugging me. What was I doing here? I mean sure he invited me to get a drink as a friend, right? What else could it be, there was no doubt that Johnny was super hot but he was in a relationship, a big one. I was probably just thinking to much into it.
"One coke for the lady!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by the very guy I was thinking about sitting down and looking at me.
"Thanks."
"So how long you been working at Big Brother?" He asked trying to start a conversation.
"I started in 1993, so about 3 years nearly." He looked shocked as he lent back in his seat.
"3 years! You only look about 20. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"
"I'm 26, you?" I asked.
"28, and feeling young!" He smiled and I returned it before asking another question.
"So was that your daughter you were holding this morning?" He grinned and nodded slowly.
"Yeah...Madison, she's only 4 year old."
"They do grow up quick." I laughed and he joined me. "She was beautiful though, she looked like a daddy's girl!"
"You got that right!" He smiled once more before looking straight at me, "So your friends with Jeff?"
"Yep, have been since I started working there."
"You heard his band yet?" He laughed.
"Oh God yes! Did he get you too?"
"Yep, Milk are the best these days!" We both shared a laugh at Jeff before the conversation moved on and we found ourselves sat there for hours talking about things we had in common and the people we both just happened to know. After I dropped Johnny back off at home I made my own way home to have a relaxing night after the day I had just had.