Chasing the Future

Austin was a mouth breather.

He had freckles spread out across his nose, his left front tooth chipped from an accident that I didn’t ask about and he was in my last period class. I didn’t talk much to him though, even if the moment I stepped into the room he’d waved me over and insisted I sat beside him. I wasn’t sure why he did, I figured Nora had already interrogated him about his schedule and matched us up.

In fact, later that day when I brought up the strange coincidence she replied with, “Old news, seriously, so do you like him?” Her eyes sparkled with interest as she relentlessly tried to fill the part of the matchmaker and I laughed.

I sat beside him anyways, mostly because my other offers were non-existent and the girl at the back was glaring through the strings of hair falling in front of her face, as if to dare me to sit next to her. I took Austin up on his proposal.

He asked how I liked it here; I told him that it was nice. I didn’t tell him about the girl who spit from the second floor and barely skimmed the side of my head, or how my Chemistry teacher already gave us homework on the first day, which wasn’t that nice at all. But other than that though, the school was welcoming enough. And I don’t think I’d make a good impression by complaining only this far in.

My grandpa always told me that if anything I had to make a good impression, and it seemed that those days my life was filled with them, so I had a lot of practice.

Then a girl, Melissa, came and sat in the seat diagonal from me, I wasn’t sure if she was the boyfriend stealing slut or not but I didn't feel like I'd make a good impression by asking her. She was short, incredibly so with bright red lipstick and burgundy hair pulled into a ponytail, a scarlett bandana tied onto her head with a bow. She reminded me of a 50s pin-up doll almost, except with a nose ring and dark make-up.

Melissa turned in her seat and introduced herself with a bright smile but then quickly shifted the attention off me afterward and easily made conversation with Austin. I didn’t know quite what to say or do, at that point, and instead I merely listened in on their conversation, which neither of them seemed to mind all that much.

I learned that Taylor was a sloppy drunk and gave three guys head in one night, and that Nate had finally sealed the deal with his girlfriend. I only cared to listen so that I could relay it back to Nora; she was almost like a substitute for my brother in that way.

Then the class ended and the teacher let us go and everyone was getting up and I was proud of myself for enduring the first day of my new school. I gathered my backpack and was ready to return back home, maybe watch an hour of television and tell Thunder how my day went before starting on the impending homework hovering over my head. But Austin stopped me.

“Hey, wait, are you meeting up with Nora now?” he asked, falling in step beside me. Melissa had apparently disappeared into thin air, and now I was feeling a lot more uncomfortable with the attention again being focused on myself.

I reminded myself once again that this was my choice, and I had to suck it up. There was no one else to blame but me.

“Yeah, totally,” I lied.

I didn’t know whether or not I was going to see her, I wasn’t even planning on it, but I felt like now I was almost compelled to just because he asked. I didn’t have a problem either way, though.

“So…” my voice trailed off. “Do you have any hobbies Austin?”

The question had the exact opposite effect I was trying to achieve and I mentally slapped myself for asking such an awkward question. What sort of teenager asks about hobbies? That sort of conversation was reserved for indifferent teens and uncomfortable family friends.

He laughed though, as if he thought I were joking. Maybe he thought that I was. Maybe he thought that it was just a lame attempt at trying to be funny. I felt like that would be an easier option than actually being serious, so I smiled his way to impress this point.

“For fun? Well, I like picking up pretty teenage girls like you in my van and hiding them away in my basement, and I also like to collect stamps,” he joked, or at least I hoped, and bumped shoulders with a girl stalking down the hallway who looked much less than pleased.

“That sounds fun,” I told him. I felt like in that position someone might make a funny or witty comment, but I was never much of either of those. And I’d very much picked up on that silent compliment laced into his words, causing the slightest of heat to rise to my cheeks. I wasn’t used to much male attention.

“Hey, do you know Noah?” I asked, the curiosity easily leaking into my voice. I couldn’t help but want to know more about him.

“Noah? Yeah, I’m pretty sure everyone knows him,” he laughed, but it was good-hearted and so I smiled too. “Why, what about him?”

“I met him the other day, is all,” I said truthfully, eyes wandering about the hall.

I noticed a petite little girl relentlessly trying to tear her locker open, banging her fist on it with a little more force than necessary and a couple off in the corner doing things I sure they wouldn’t do under their parent’s eye.

“Oh, yeah, he can be a pretty cool guy,” is all Austin replied.

Then we reached Nora’s locker, and she was there crouched down and dumping the contents of her backpack inside. It was only a flurry of papers and a binder, yet it already seemed to create a chaotic mess inside. I could only imagine what it would look like half way through the year.

They talked and I headed back to my bus, which was half full at best and I was glad that no one sat beside me. The entire ride back was consumed by thoughts of Austin and Nora and Melissa. I knew in the back of my mind that Nicki, one of my closest friends from back home, would insist that I kept talking to Austin. I almost heard her voice running in my ear, how I should stop being so awkward and “get on that” as she always said.

I shook my head, ridding my mind of those pesky thoughts. The only home I had now was this one, with Grandpa and Thunder, and that’s all I ever needed.
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"You with the purple bag!"

The accusation rang through the hallway, I turned with confusion on to who would be calling for me so urgently as I had a purple bag. I got it for my birthday and purple was my favourite colour.

Shuffling to the side, I glanced over my shoulder to see Noah tearing towards me. A couple of frightened freshmen jolted out of his path and he had more than enough curious gazes situated upon him, mine included.

His hand in the air, he waved in my direction, and almost all those people turned to me. For a moment I felt my cheeks flush pink, toying with the edge of my shirt as I waited for what seemed like too long for him to get over to where I stood. I did not like the way those people looked at me.

“Finally,” he breathed out when he reached me, running his hand through his hair.

“What?” I asked blankly, eyes wide and curious.

I could feel the edge of a smile beginning to form on my face.

“Walk with me.”

He gestured down the crowded corridor, and I didn’t have much time to decide on my options when he began advancing down it.

Quickly I caught up with him, holding tightly onto the strap of my backpack and feeling my stomach churn uncomfortably. I had a feeling that I’d be late for class, and only on the second day I didn’t believe my teacher would be too pleased, but I felt the need to hear him out.

“Tyler told me what you did.”

He didn't sound accusing, more like factual.

“I knew you’d find out sooner or later.”

I tried to play nonchalant, as if this wasn't part of my intentions when I did it at all.

"I seriously do not understand you at all."

The edges of my lips quirked into a grin I couldn't restrain, that was what my grandpa always told me on a daily basis. When I wouldn't let my food touch, or when I scolded him for opening up an umbrella inside. Everyone knew that was bad luck.

“Join the club,” I said. He smiled at that. I was still smiling.

We fell as silent as two people could be in a swarming hallway, and I once again felt at a loss for words. I still didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t think I should ask him about his hobbies. I didn’t even think he had any, if puking on strangers didn’t count.

“I don’t even know your name,” he said, a sheepish smile accessorizing his honesty.

It was weird to think, how his was what kept running through my mind and he didn’t even have a guess at what mine was.

“Anastasia,” I told him.

“Like-”

“Like the Russian princess, you already said that.” I made sure to keep my voice light.

I wasn’t trying to be mean when I said it, I was only pointing out the truth. I had a bad habit of not knowing what to and what not to say. I was working on it, though.

“Sorry about throwing up on you,” Noah apologized again, sucking in through his teeth as if he were in pain and scratching the back of his neck.

I wondered if this entire situation to him was painful. I was quite uncomfortable too, but I didn’t feel like telling him this would make him feel any better.

“I told you it was okay.”

It was okay, I thought. Nora still didn’t think so, this was implied as she kept trying to push Austin onto me, thankfully not in a literal sense. I knew not to bring up his name around her knowing that she had a not-so-secret distaste for him. I didn’t know why, but I felt like it wasn’t my place to dig that deep in.

Though I couldn’t deny my curiosity.

“Do you know Nora?” I asked, but it was a question I already knew the answer too. I wanted to ease into the next one, hoping that I wouldn’t seem too brash.

It’s easier to pull the answer from someone’s lips slowly but surely, that’s what my grandma used to tell me whenever I scared someone off with my bombardment of questions. I never really gave it that much thought, but it made sense.

“Yeah,” he gave me a look of confusion.

Apparently I wasn’t easing that well into it. I gave up. I gave up too easily on a lot of things. I’d so quickly moved on from this image of Noah I was clinging onto for Austin. Neither of them really mattered though. All I really needed was someone, any someone to distract me, a friend, and they both seemed quite interchangeable.

I didn’t know if this was a bad or good thing yet. Sometimes it’s hard to tell with these things.

“Do you like Nora?” I asked.

This didn’t help his bewilderment, though. “She’s alright.” He looked uneasy, as if he wasn't sure if it was the right answer. I didn't believe him, but I knew on that day I wasn't going to find anything out.

Then he disappeared, I wasn’t quite sure but I think I heard an echo of a goodbye as he slipped into a room and I was left alone. The corridor had emptied sometime during our conversation and it was only me, just Anastasia again, with only the lockers as company. I didn’t like the quiet, though.

Those days, the quiet was always the loudest in my head.

But as I felt around in my bag, awkwardly trying to find a pen while walking up the stairwell, I found that a ten dollar bill had been dropped inside. I knew for a fact that I didn’t bring any money on that day, and the smallest echo of a smile curved onto my face as things in my mind fell into a hush with the thought of Noah.