Chasing the Future

Jace was everything I expected him to be when I first met him- loud and boisterous and incredibly confusing. It should’ve been a registered Olympic sport trying to keep up with him and the only person I knew who could compete was Nora. But even though, I liked him. He was one of those things I liked just because, no reason, I just did. Almost like how I always liked oranges and outside moments after it rained and another certain boy.

Not everything needs a reason, I think. The simplest things don’t at least.

“You got any twos?” Jace asked lazily, sprawled out across Nora’s bed with his neck hanging off the side. It was Saturday. The sun spilling in from the blinds across from him streamed stripes along his neck. He had one of the largest Adam’s apples I’d ever seen. “And Logan looks like a total tool, by the way.” He looked to Nora.

Her hazel eyes glided over her cards while she chewed her bottom lip, putting down the large jug of iced tea on the carpet beside her and plucking a card from the middle, throwing it at him. I watched as it fluttered into the middle. I hated iced tea but it was almost all Nora ever drank.

“He looks fucking hot, is what he looks like. You’re just jealous that Sierra won’t even give you a second look. You got any sevens, Ana?” she asked airily.

He swiped the card off the ground with a glare in her direction. She grinned cheekily.

I’d learned somewhere through the grapevine that most people thought that Jace batted for the other team, which wasn’t that doubtful of an assumption as if I’d ever had to describe him in one word, flamboyant would roll off my tongue in a matter of seconds. Yet he was constantly obsessing over a senior girl he’d pointed out at least once a day whenever I was with him. I still wasn’t sure, though.

I shook my head. “Go fish,” I mumbled, watching as she sighed and took another card from the pile. “You have any fours, Jace?”

“I think you’re just jealous that Sierra’s classy, unlike someone I know,” he shot back, throwing a card at me. Nora burped pointedly in his direction.

With my back pressed up against the wall, I stared across from me at the collage of pictures plastered haphazardly. Nora had put it up the other day, photographs she’d taken throughout the summer. She loved photography; it wasn’t something I could ever understand though. Maybe that’s why it was so special to her. I was in one of the pictures, a pained smile plastered across my face. I hated taking pictures.

Feeling a vibration rumble along my leg, I glanced down to see my phone reading a new message. Without giving much though to Nora spitting a fountain of iced tea on Jace’s shirt, I read the text with excitement, a smile touching my lips as I read the sender.

Ever since Noah had punched in his number, and the two days it took for me afterward to gather up the small amount of courage hiding in my stomach to finally text him, we’d been talking ever since. Small talk that dragged on throughout the lazy afternoon, I learned he went to McDonalds a lot and that I never really did much to tell him about.

Jace gasped and flipped onto his stomach in a matter of seconds, rubbing his now drenched shirt. Nora gave a hearty laugh. I answered Noah’s “what’s up” text message with “hanging out with Nora and Jace, you?”.

“Who do you keep texting?” Jace asked with furrowed eyebrows, as he slid down onto the floor, grabbing a pillow and trying to dry himself off.

He snatched my phone before I could summon a logical thought with his free hand, grinning devilishly. When my lips parted only air came out as I didn’t know what I could say, and instead shot a look at Nora with wide eyes. I wondered what she would think and I hoped that it wouldn’t be anything to get myself in trouble for.

“Noah?” he laughed. “Didn’t he throw up on you?”

I held my breath and nodded, gauging Nora’s reaction.

“On the topic of tools,” Nora murmured, crossing her arms and glaring at the carpet beside her.

“Oh come on, I think you’re just being a little biased.” He gave her a knowing smirk and a raise of the eyebrows.

I knew I was missing something, it wasn’t hard to tell, but I wasn’t brave enough to ask what exactly. I really didn’t want to intrude. It wasn’t my place. I didn’t know where my place was exactly, maybe I’d never know, but the inching feeling in my stomach told me this wasn’t it. Instead, I reached for my phone and stole it back from Jace’s loose fingers, pocketing it swiftly.

It was nice to know that Jace liked him, or was at least the littlest bit fond. It was reassuring, almost.

Giving a look at the time, I dropped my cards and stretched with a yawn off my lips. “I have to go- I have to go eat dinner,” I managed, eyes following out into the hallway. There were pictures hanging of Nora and her family, a montage of grinning faces and memories I knew nothing about. They looked happy, though.

They said their goodbyes and Nora brightened back up again, taking another swig on her iced tea and demanding that I come over to her house the next day because her mom was out and she wasn't the slightest bit decent at cooking. I told her I'd help her before making my way down the stairs and, after slipping into my shoes, out the house.

While crossing the street I attempted to pull my face into the broad grins that they wore, but all it felt was forced and almost painful. A little boy with red hair and what seemed to be a million freckles paused from ripping up his lawn and cocked his head at me. My face dropped and I quickly ushered myself inside.

Grandpa was on the phone, his answers short and curt as I hung around inside the kitchen, grabbing a glass while making sure to keep my noise to a minimum. I strained to hear into the hall as I grabbed a carton of orange juice from the fridge, feeling rather fidgety as I poured it into the cup and listening to him murmur some reassurance. Anxiety thickened my blood as I leaned against the counter, taking a cautious sip and tapping my foot impatiently.

After what seemed like too long I finally heard the click of the telephone and I swept into the hall, trying to appear nonchalant.

“And who was that?” I asked, leaning against the wall and taking another sip. My stomach clenched involuntarily and I felt a tingling sensation ripple up my arms and through my chest.

“Your mother,” he said, eye cast onto the ground. “I told her that you looked alright, saw you at the supermarket and that you seemed fine enough. She told me to give me her regards if I saw you again.” He gave a sigh as if he didn’t know what he was more disappointed in.

I gave him a rueful smile. “Thanks,” I said genuinely grateful.

He returned it but it seemed much like a grimace more than anything. I nodded my head before disappearing down the hall, knowing that I wasn’t expecting dinner to be anytime soon and decided to tackle the schoolwork that remained daunting on my desk.

I really was grateful of my grandfather. He was one of the only people I think I could ever trust anymore.
.
.
.
.
“Anastasia!”

I lifted my gaze from the tiled floor to see Noah beaming at me only a few feet away, arms raised and an amused grin curved onto his lips. I stood frozen for a moment, not quite sure what to do, and instead stepped to the side.

He almost stepped into a small and lanky kid with large wire-rimmed glasses, who only managed to escape from his path by mere seconds. Noah hadn’t even noticed though and his dark eyes were still focused on me.

He caught me in a hug, to which I awkwardly patted him on the back in return. “Hey Noah." I smiled back at him. He was much more of a touchy person than I was.

We fell into step down the corridor, meandering through the hordes of people trying to get to their classes on time. I’d beginning to generally recognise more than a few faces and it was a nice feeling, I was feeling a little more in place and a little less like the new stranger.

“Your backpack's open,” I pointed out, which it always was, and fell behind him. Every pocket hung open and it seemed with the slightest of a push all of his binders and books would tumble to the ground.

“I know, I know.” He dismissed this with a wave of hand. “It’s always open.”

I found this to be a prime opportunity. Before closing up the last of his backpack, I thrust my hand into my pocket, producing the ten dollar bill. Unlike the first time it had been forced into my hands, was now crinkled and folded generously. With a grin I dropped it inside, finding it to almost becoming a game.

Finally zipping the last up, I brushed my hands off satisfied and caught up beside him. “You’re welcome,” I bowed slightly with the quirk of my mouth.

“Thanks, thanks, but what I wanted to say was, there’s this new movie, I forget what it’s called but it’s supposed to be like terrifying or some shit, well, that’s what I heard but I heard it from Tyler and he’s sort of a pussy…” his voice trailed off.

I turned my head to get a better look, wondering where his mind was taking him too. But I said nothing and gave him his moment to find himself again. He noticed my curious eyes and gave a laugh, shaking his head.

His voice cracked a little when he did. I smiled.

“Anyways, not the point, I wanted to check it out, you wanna come with?” he offered with a grin, eyes crinkly slightly when he did.

I gave it a thought. Horror movies never sat that well with me, if I was being honest, but I decided against my better judgement to nod my head in agreement.

“It can’t be too bad, can it?” I said more to myself with a false sense of optimism.

He laughed again. This time his voice didn’t crack. I didn’t know why he did though, because I didn't see what was so funny about what I said. I smiled anyways.

"Well, bye Anastasia!" he called out before turning a hall and vanishing my from sight, leaving me alone again.

I only had a moment’s time to process his words, doing my usual nitpicking and over thinking and unnecessary worrying that always came with most conversations I had. My mind drifted as I dissected his words, wondering if anything hid between the lines.

But before I could do much I felt the weight of an arm fall onto my shoulders, no doubt a certain boy’s body to follow.

“Damn, girl, not even a month in and you’re already picking through our selection here?” Jace teased, an incredibly loud laugh dancing down his tongue and ringing through my ears.

“It’s not like that,” I defended myself.

But it was something that throughout the day my mind without fail kept travelling towards, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on the drone of the teacher’s voices or the stories Austin kept telling me. This was what I had wanted all along, wasn’t it? A distraction, something to take my mind off things that my mind kept wandering to, it was what I was desperately trying to get within my reach.

He did just that, without a doubt I couldn’t deny it. Noah was there, he'd taken up a little bit of residence inside my thoughts with ease, kicking his feet up without a care. It was almost unfair how easy it was for him.

Except that never scared me, it wasn’t how easily he invaded my mind. I knew that wasn’t hard to do. It happened too often for me to find it alarming, I attached myself much too easily to people, I knew that. I’d always known that.

However, it was almost as if it was setting everything in stone. I had friends, Jace and Nora and Austin and even Melissa was incredibly nice. I had someone who wanted to watch movies that were supposed to be scary but weren’t really at all with. People knew I was alive there, they knew I existed.

It was almost as if a little voice finally whispered in my ear that this was it. There was no going back. And even though it was what I had always wanted, it felt strange. My stomach clenched and my chest felt heavy and the strangeness was beginning to feel too much.

And so, I texted Noah again.