Give Into Me

The next morning Matt was rudely awoken by the sound of his phone going off next to him. He let it go to his voice mail and buried his head deeper into the pillow. A deep sigh of satisfaction escaped his lips when the ringing stopped and he was left with silence.

Less than thirty seconds passed before he was interrupted for a second time, he groaned loudly and reached for the small black device. Matt attempted to read the call display through half shut eyes, it took him a moment but eventually he was able to read it.

“What the fuck do you want Gates?” Matt growled into the phone and ran a hand down his face. A deep chuckle was heard on the other end. “I was sleeping.”

“Dude, it's one-thirty in the afternoon. How much fucking sleep do you need?” Matt looked over at the digital clock on his night stand, not believing that he had slept in so late. He wasn't an early riser by any means, but he usually got up around ten or eleven on a day off, not one-thirty in the afternoon.

“Shit, did I miss a meeting or something?”

Matt was ready to apologize to his band mate if he had in fact slept through a meeting. He was usually the one dragging their asses out of bed, not the other way around.

Brian laughed. “No, I'm just standing outside your door so get the fuck down here and let me in, Sanders.”

Matt let out a deep throaty laugh, his whole body was still in sleep mode. He told his long time friend he'd be down in a second and hung up. Matt pulled himself out of bed, and realized half way down the stairs that he was still in last nights clothes. He debated whether to go back and change or to forget about it and hope Brian wouldn't notice.

Matt opened the front door to reveal his dark haired friend, his usual silver rimmed aviator style glasses hiding his brown eyes. Bella moved from behind Matt and trotted over to Brian, he bent down on one knee to the dogs level and scratched behind her ears.

Once Brian was back on his feet he slid the glasses off and tucked them into the collar of his shirt. He greeted Matt with a clap on the shoulder as he walked passed the lead singer. The two men settled in the kitchen, Brian sat himself at the breakfast bar while Matt leaned against the counter with his muscular arms crossed over his chest.

“You know for someone who slept over ten hours you don't look so hot.” Brian's mouth curled into a half smile.

While Matt had fallen asleep easily when he arrived home the previous night, it was staying asleep that had proven to be difficult. He felt like he had woken up six or seven times, all the while thoughts of two people who had once been integral figures in his life flooded his mind. He felt helpless in the matter since one had passed and the other was enjoying her life without him.

Matt rubbed his fingers against his temples. “It's just been a long couple days,” Matt paused looking at Brian, trying his best to brush it off. “With the studio and all that, you know.”

Brian cocked an eyebrow at the tall man in front of him. “What's the other part that's bothering you?”

“What do you mean?” Matt inwardly cursed Brian for being so observant.

“We're all having a hard time without Jimmy” Matt felt slightly guilty when Brian said that, he wasn't intentionally trying to make it seem like he was hurting more than them. “but it seems like its more than just that.”

Brian leaned back in his chair and watched Matt closely, which made the larger man nervous. Matt sighed heavily, growing tired of everyone's concern. While he appreciated that his friends cared about him, he hated being treated like a fragile child who needed attention. He figured that a lot of it had to do with the fact that he no longer had Val to lean on, while Johnny, Zacky and Brian all had their significant others. They were probably making up for what he lacked at the moment, but he was a grown man, he was perfectly capable of dealing with what life had to throw his way.

“I'm fine, just tired. Studio work is a draining process.” Matt prayed that, that was enough for Brian. He didn't feel like explaining the whole Caroline mess to his friend.

The way it had ended between him and Caroline years ago had caused temporary friction between the band, Brian had openly expressed his views on the matter to Matt several times.

Brian and Caroline had been close, so close in fact that for a while Matt suspected something more going on between them. Matt had even called the dark haired guitarist on it. It turned out that Brian had just been helping Caroline expand her guitar playing abilities, nothing more.

“Alright man, if you say so.” Brian stood up from his seat, “I just stopped by cause I was wondering if you wanted to head up to LA with me. I'm gettin' a tattoo touched up.”

“Nah, I'm good.” Brian accepted the declined invitation and headed back towards the front door. Matt followed. “Thanks though. Next time?” Brian nodded at Matt before exiting the house.

Twenty minutes later Matt started to regret declining Brian's invitation as he sat on his couch, still in the previous days clothes, flipping through the channels on his television. He was bored out of his mind but it was too late to take Brian up on that offer since he would've been almost halfway there. Matt settled on one of those supposedly real courtroom shows, daytime television sucked.

Bella chose that moment to hop up onto the couch next to him, usually he didn't mind but she happened to land on top of the remote control as she did so. The channel of the television changed which startled him slightly, he looked away and he reached over to move the dog so he could get the remote.

What he didn't expect to see when he looked back was the face that belonged to the voice he heard over the radio the night before. His mouth went dry, and he wondered for a moment if he was dreaming.

She hadn't changed much in the time since he had last seen her. She was still as beautiful as ever, maybe even more so. He could tell her confidence had grown, which he was happy to see. The only other thing that was different was her hair. It was slightly shorter, and instead of all brown she had blonde highlights mixed through out. She was smiling that same smile he remembered being on the receiving end of so many times before.

The camera that was filming her panned out, she sat with one leg crossed over the other and her hands folded neatly on her lap. There was a woman, roughly in her mid thirties, sitting across from her.

“It's so nice to have you here!” The woman greeted, Caroline's smile grew bigger. Matt studied the background of the area the women were seated in, it looked as if it were one of the local news stations.

“Thanks for having me!” He held his breath for a moment upon hearing her words. He had thought for the longest time he'd never hear her voice again.

“Orange County has been home to a lot of great artists but I think this is our first country sensation. How exciting is that for you, to come from a place where country music isn't as common?”

“Oh it's so exciting, when I was little I was always told unless you live in Tennessee or have a southern accent, you'll never be a true country music star. I don't think where you come from should dictate what type of music you're allowed to sing.” Caroline shrugged her shoulders. “Look at Shania Twain, she's Canadian and she's accomplished so much.”

“I read Shania's one of your favourites, am I correct?” Matt laughed softly along with Caroline, he remembered many nights spent listening to Shania Twain songs. Initially he had only agreed to listen to them because he found the Canadian singer attractive but over time the music had grown on him. And although Shania was a good singer, he liked listening to Caroline sing along to them more.

“Oh yeah, she was my inspiration to even attempt to do this.”

“What girl doesn't love belting out a Shania song every now and then.” The women shared a laugh before the interviewer asked her next question. “As a country singer do you feel obligated to write your own songs and how many on your debut album have you written?”

“I don't feel like you have to write your own songs, but personally I prefer it. I like to know the story behind each and every song I put out there, every song I write has a meaning or tells a story of something I've experienced. I wrote all the songs on the album, it's kind of a mix of what I've accumulated over the years trying to get where I am now. I even have one on there that I wrote when I was eighteen. We had to, of course, fix it up since it was a little sloppy but we got there.”

Matt could see it in her mannerisms, and most of all her eyes that she was happy. She was finally getting the recognition she deserved.

“There's been lots of talk of how natural you are on stage, was it always easy for you?”

Matt brought himself to smile at the question, knowing the answer immediately. Caroline looked down, a shy smile crossed her lips.

“Not exactly...”

Caroline's first performance had taken place at a small bar in Long Beach. Matt hadn't heard of it before but apparently it was where a lot of fellow country music fans frequented and came to relax after a long days work.

She didn't even have to ask him to come, Matt had offered to accompany her all on his own. He knew she wouldn't have asked him to anyway. He had just gotten back from the Warped Tour and the band was on the brink of signing with their first major label. It didn't matter that he was tired from being on the road for so long or that he was worried the major label would change their minds. He had to be there for her, like she had been there for him so many times before.

Caroline, Matt and her acoustic guitar took his truck to Long Beach, she had seemed tense the whole way there. Her teeth nibbled on her bottom lip and her hands tapped anxiously on her thighs. Matt knew that getting up on stage wasn't always easy, and this being her first time he knew from experience that nothing he could say would help.

By the time they got there it was less than five minutes to go before she took the stage. Her breathing grown from slow and steady to the point where it sounded like she was hyperventilating, in the span of twenty minutes. Matt stood with her backstage, she had her guitar strapped securely over her shoulder while he tried to calm the brunette down.

“Care, it's gonna be fine.” He assured, as he rubbed her back lightly. Caroline kept her eyes planted on the floor. “You're amazing. Don't forget that.” Matt lifted her chin so he could look her in the eyes.

She mustered a small smile to hide the uneasy feeling in her stomach. “Thank you,” Matt smiled at her, “It means a lot that you're here tonight. I know this isn't exactly your scene but--”

Matt put a finger to her painted pink lips. “I wouldn't miss this for the world.” Caroline felt a slight blush spread across her cheeks, Matt watched her eyes light up at his words.

“Our next performer hails from Huntington Beach,” Caroline glanced over her shoulder, out at the stage where an older man possibly in his mid thirties had taken over the microphone. “she's only twenty-one and it's her first time here so let's give her a round of applause. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Caroline Ford.”

There was a loud round of applause, Caroline looked back at Matt. She gave him an uneasy smile before straightening out her dress and readjusted her guitar strap.

She stepped towards the stage, the spotlight hit her almost immediately which caused her nerves to increase tenfold. Her breath hitched in her throat and her palms grew sweaty. She ran her tongue quickly over her lips then spoke into the microphone.

“How's everyone doing tonight?” She drawled trying to keep her nerves in check. There were some cheers in response, “This first song I wrote myself, I hope you all like it.” She explained then the band that congregated behind her started playing their instruments.

Caroline placed her fingers in the right position, and tapped her foot to the beat.

Matt watched from side stage, he got as close to Caroline as he could without being seen by the patrons sitting in the bar. She greeted the audience politely before the music started up, she glanced down at her guitar getting prepared to begin strumming.

But she didn't. She didn't sing either. She stood in the center of the stage, spotlight beating down on her, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Fuck,” Matt muttered to himself, he knew Caroline had a fear of large crowds. A similar thing had happened a few years ago when she tried to play at a local talent show, she had stood petrified in front of at least a hundred people. It had taken Matt, her older sister Danielle, Jimmy and the rest of the guys to calm down the hysterical mess she had turned into.

The current audience was significantly smaller, but it still managed to strike fear inside her.

“I-I'm sorry, I can't--” She mumbled into the microphone then rushed to run off stage, Matt caught her before she could pass him. She crashed against his broad chest, then gazed up at him with sad brown eyes.

Matt had an idea, he turned Caroline around, pushing her gently back on stage. He placed her small frame in front of the microphone and removed the guitar from around her shoulder, she looked at him as if he were crazy. He ignored her look and placed the guitar to the side of the stage for the time being.

He took the aviators that were tucked into the collar of his shirt and placed them over his eyes. He was now glad he had opted for a more casual look sans any of his white face powder or black eyeliner he wore when he was performing. Matt turned to the house band, he whispered in each of their ears before standing next to Caroline.

He could tell by the look in her eyes she was wondering what he had planned. Her unspoken question was soon answered as the band began playing an all too familiar song. One that Caroline had made him listen to all too much in the past.

Caroline's lips curved into a wide smile, then looked down shaking her head at him. She looked back up, just as he brought his mouth close to the microphone, his eyes set on her.

“Living my life in a slow hell, different girl every night at the hotel.” He sang softly, Caroline didn't get the chance to hear him sing like this very often but when she did, she got goosebumps.

“I ain't seen the sun shine in three damn days, been fuelin' up on cocaine and whiskey.” He continued, with one hand holding the microphone stand and the other reached out and lifted her chin to look at him.“Wish I had a good girl to miss me.”

For the second time that night Caroline blushed, but only enough for Matt to be the sole witness. His eyes left hers and scanned the bar as he sang, there were more people sitting down watching than there were people that completely ignored them. He was glad that his idea wasn't a total disaster.

“I can't look at you, while I'm lyin' next to her.” Matt finished, his hand dropped from the microphone, and Caroline took her cue.

“I called you last night in the hotel, everyone knows but they won't tell but their halfhearted smiles tell me somethin' just ain't right. I've been waiting on you for a long time...” She sang effortlessly, the amount of pride he felt for her in that moment was beyond comprehension. He figured that she must have felt the same whenever she watched him perform.

He scanned the bar once again and found that she had almost every person in the place enthralled by her voice. He smiled, not caring if he looked like a grinning idiot.

“I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him.” Matt moved back towards the microphone with Caroline, their mouths closer than had ever been before, finishing off the last part of the song together.

“I thought about you for a long time, can't seem to get you off my mind.”

Matt and Caroline had never seriously sung together. It had always been joking around in the shower type singing while driving in his truck. Sometimes, he'd mock country songs by singing in a high pitched southern voice, other times it was her singing in a deep angry voice to Metallica.

“I just called to say I want you, to come back home. I just called to say I love you, come back home.” As they finished the song there was a boisterous round of applause and few whistles. Caroline smiled widely at the crowd then turned to her partner in crime. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and mumbled a thank you.

He squeezed her tighter, she couldn't hear him laugh but she felt the low rumble of it from his chest.

Matt ducked off stage quickly, but not before handing Caroline back her guitar, she took it with more confidence than before. She sang two more songs, and had the crowd in the palm of her hand. He was thoroughly impressed with her, and made note of it on their drive back to Huntington.

“I can't believe you got on stage!” Caroline's smile was almost blinding, and her hands shook from the sheer thrill of being on stage.

“I couldn't let you go out like that.” He smiled back, his dimples present as ever, and looked over at the brunette in his passenger seat.

“Now I know how you feel.” She sounded almost breathless in the way she was talking. “It's such a rush.” She laughed happily with one hand placed over the left side of her chest, feeling her heart beating rapidly.

Although he wasn't one for singing country music, the excitement in her eyes made it all worth it.

"How did you over come your fear?"

Matt held his breath, watching her look down at her hands momentarily, as if she were struggling to get the words out. Caroline's demeanor turned from happy to heartbroken at an alarming rate.

"Someone I cared about very much didn't let me give up on my dream." He watched her slip a fake smile on her face, even after all the years apart he could tell her real smiles from her fake ones.

It was then he realized another thing that hadn't changed, the pain in her eyes that was all because of him.