Stockholm Syndrome

For the past week, I'd been extra good. I'd done all my chores ahead of time and made the house spotless, cooked my mother dinner every night and even massaged her feet. I'd spend extra time preparing her favorite meals and even finished my homework as soon as I got home from school.

"Okay Hayden, what's the deal?" she asked with a mouthful of lasagna.

"What, did I not add enough salt?"

"Hayden," she raised her eyebrow. "Why have you been buttering me up lately?" She looked at me and I stared right back, chewing on my bottom lip. After a moment, I sighed.

"Okay, well, I kind of have a favor to ask."

"Mhm?"

"Can I… Maybe… Possibly borrow the car for a couple days?"

"Borrow the car? What for?" she asked, sitting up.

"Um, well, Valentine's Day is soon and I kind of wanted to surprise someone by driving out to them."

"Who? And where is this person? What's their name?"

"Well, you remember Damien," I said, pushing the lasagna around on my plate.

"Oh, yeah. That boy with the safety pin in his face…" she commented.

"Oh, he took that out ages ago," I quickly responded.

"Yeah, well… Where is he that you have to drive for a whole weekend?" she asked suspiciously.

"He's… He's living at his aunt's house for a while," I said, trying my hardest not to let my voice quiver. I'd always been such a bad liar.

"Why's he there?"

"Umm, just because," I shrugged. She was asking a lot of questions, a lot of questions that I didn't have the answers to. I needed to quickly change the subject. "So can I go?"

"… Will you be staying the night?"

"Oh, n–no," I stuttered. "Driving there will take a day and driving back will take a day. I'll only be there for a while."

"Seems like a lot of effort just to see a friend," she muttered, taking a sip of her drink.

"He's more than a friend, mom. I – I'm pretty sure we're in love," I blurted out. I bit down on my bottom lip nervously. She eyed me once more.

"Then why doesn't he come here to visit you?"

"Just 'cause he can't," I snapped. She looked surprised and I bit my lip once more in frustration. "I'm sorry… Just, please? I've been on top of all my work this entire semester; I won't miss out on anything. And I've been so good. Please, can I go?"

She put her fork down and thought for a moment while I waited in suspense. Then, she lifted her fork again and fed herself another bite. With her mouth full, she spoke up.

"Fine."

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"I can't wait! I'm so excited!" I exclaimed, pacing around my room and grabbing random things to toss in a duffel bag.

"I can tell," Brady said, sipping at his can of Mountain Dew. He sat on my bed, watching me dart from corner to corner of my room.

"Oh my god, I've been waiting so long, like so long to see him! He's going to be so surprised!"

Valentine's Day was this weekend and I was preparing for my road trip to see Damien. I hadn't told Trent, Carly or Joe about my trip yet, nor had I told Jeffrey. But that was because – as selfish as it may sound – I didn't want any of them to come. I just wanted it to be me and him, alone, together at last. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees me. I just have to get there during visiting hours and then it'll be perfect.

"What are you guys going to do, anyway?" Brady asked. I collapsed next to him on my bed, spreading my arms out and exhaling.

"I don't know. I guess we'll talk, hug, kiss…"

"Are you guys going to… You know…?"

"Nah, we're not –" I sat up abruptly. "Wait, do you think he'll want sex?"

"I don't know, you know him better than I do," Brady shrugged. "But if I was him, I would definitely not be able to keep my hands off of you. I would treat your body like a wonderland," he said. I laughed, giving him a playful push on the shoulder.

"Brady," I giggled as my face heated up.

"What? It's the honest to god truth," he insisted.

"Well… It has been a while…" I pondered. "Okay. Maybe I'll drop by the store to get some condoms and lube. Better safe than sorry," I grinned.

"Oh… Yup…" he mumbled, staring down into the can.

We were silent after that and I decided to play some music while I rumbled through my clothes, trying to pick something that would actually make me look nice for Damien. I want his heart to leap out his chest when he sees me, you know? Like I want him to really want me. I know I'm usually never into my appearance, but this time I really want it to count. I want to see exactly how much he's missed me; how much he really loves me.

But then it occurred to me; does he even want to see me? What if I'd be interrupting his recovery? But Jeffrey told me he's gone to a really good center where visitors are allowed and encouraged – and doesn't the support of loved ones actually propel the healing process? But, Damien had never answered that letter I sent him weeks ago. Of course he didn't call me, but I don't think he even called his own family so… I don't know. It's too late to back out now. All I can do is hope for the best.

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It was Friday. I'd be ready to leave after I got home and showered after school; then it's non-stop driving for the rest of the night. To be honest, I am a little scared; I'd never driven anywhere alone overnight, but still, I was a little excited too. I still hadn't told the guys about my plan and it was getting increasingly difficult to keep a secret.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" Carly asked me as we sat down for lunch.

"Um, I don't know," I said, staring at my hands. "What about you?"

"I'm taking her out," Trent said with a grin before looping his arm around her shoulders. Carly smiled and her face turned the lightest shade of pink. I thought it was adorable; I'd noticed the tension between the two before… I mean, after the whole ‘Trent's-in-love-with-me' episode. Actually, Damien was the one who pointed it out.

"Oh, barf," Joe grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Fucking Valentine's Day. Who gives a fuck."

"You're just jealous because you don't have a date," Carly chuckled.

"Fuck that. You know, if Damien was here, he'd kick both of you guys' asses, because he knows I'm right," he said as he crossed his arms. I smiled slightly, watching him from the corner of my eye. Out of the three, he definitely missed Damien the most.

"Hey guys!" We all looked to our left to see none other than Brady, standing there with his lunch tray, grinning at us. Joe groaned and rolled his eyes once again, while Trent and Carly awkwardly smiled at him. "Mind if I sit?"

"Do we ever?" Joe muttered sarcastically. Yeah, Brady had found his way to our table at least twice a week, inviting himself and sitting down with us.

He began chatting and both Carly and Trent politely made small talk with him until the bell rang. Joe was the first to get up and leave while the rest of us took our time. Once Trent and Carly had walked off together, Brady tugged on my sleeve.

"Hey, you still on for tonight?" he asked.

"Um yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked, hoisting my back on my shoulder.

"Okay good, I was wondering," he said, catching up to walk beside me. "Could I come along with you?"

"What?" I snorted. Both of us stood still and he gave me an innocent shrug. "Are you serious?"

"Well… Yeah. I mean, I have nothing else to do. I don't want to spend Valentine's alone this year again…" he trailed off."Especially since I've actually made friends this year and all…"

"Brady, it's cool we're friends and all, but this is something personal between me and my boyf–" I paused. "This is supposed to be intimate."

"Oh, I see," he said, looking downcast. He frowned. His shoulders dropped and his head hung low as he turned to leave. "Okay then. You have fun; I'll just read some comics or something, as usual." With that he walked away, stuffing his hands in his pockets and kicking the pebbles on the ground.

Damn. That kid really knew how to make me feel bad. But I just couldn't, you know? If I couldn't even bring Trent, my best friend, how could I bring Brady? I needed to do this alone.

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I went home, washed up and got everything ready as planned. I went outside to put my duffel bag in the car and thought about anything I could be forgetting last minute. Then I remembered: I needed snacks. I ran back inside and stuffed a plastic bag full of granola bars, water bottles, chips and whatnot. I probably took too many, but it would be better to have too much food rather than not enough. Just as I was about to head outside, my mother called me into the living room.

"Hayden, were you not going to say goodbye to me?" she asked with her hands on her hips. I smiled sheepishly and walked towards her with my arms open.

"I'm sorry mom," I said. I hugged her tightly as she kissed the side of my face.

"Now listen, before you go there are a couple things we have to discuss," she said as she pulled me towards the couch.

"But mom," I whined. "I don't want to be behind schedule."

"You'll listen to my rules, or you won't go at all," she snapped. Her pregnancy hormones had her prone to all sorts of mood swings, and right now was not the time for her to have a breakdown.

"Yes ma'am," I quickly obliged. We sat on the couch and she began talking, telling me the rules of the car, what to do in case of emergencies, how to get on the highway back home, etcetera. A solid twenty minutes passed until I thought she was finally about to finish.

"One more thing," she said. I curled my lips into a forceful smile.

"Yes?"

"No sex in the car."

"Mom!" I gasped. My face turned red in embarrassment.

"What? I know what boys your age are like and I want that car returned exactly how it was. That means no tears, no scratches and definitely, no love juice!"

"Mom stop!" I pleaded, standing up and covering my ears. "I'm already half an hour late, I have to go," I said, shaking my head quickly to rid myself of her sex talk.

"Alright then. Have a safe trip," she said as she stood up and walked me to the door. "Call me later tonight and again when you get there."

"Okay, bye," I said as I stepped outside. I glanced at her and in a small voice, I dared myself to say it. "Love you."

"Love you too," she said, giving me another kiss on the cheek. I smiled before turning around and walking towards the car. That was the first time in a long time we'd said that to each other and actually meant it… It felt good.

I approached the driver's seat and opened the door. I realized that I had forgotten to lock it half an hour ago when I went inside to get snacks. Great, I'm not even on the road and I've already been irresponsible. I bit my lip and suppressed my guilt as I got in the car and started it. In no time I was on the highway, map in hand and attentively reading all the signs. I was fifteen exits away from my exit, so I probably wouldn't have to read each and every sign until I was near so I thought I might as well turn on some music.

I turned on the radio and Madonna's 'Music' started playing. It might have been a bit embarrassing but, this was my favorite song by her. I put the volume up real high and sang along, 'hey mister DJ put a record on, I wanna dance with my baby!'

"Christ that's so loud! You mind putting the volume down?"

"What the –" I peered over my shoulder to see a sleepy looking Brady in the backseat, rubbing his eyes as he sat up.