Believing You and Me

She sat in her car listening to the rain, her music on low and tears streaming down her face. December started out rainy and gloomy, not a first for Arizona but quite unusual. Acey thought it was perfect for how she was feeling. She let a hand rest on her stomach, not yet protruding but the thought of something growing inside of her made her heart break. She couldn’t possibly think of abortion, it’s just not her, but she couldn’t tell Jack that the baby is his when it’s clearly not.

She made a mistake with John and this is the price. She’s pregnant and he told her he had protection. She couldn’t even remember the deed. She only remembered climbing out of the stranger’s bed, picked up her clothing and sat in the bathroom puking for an hour after.

A knock on Acey’s window made her jump and she looked to the hooded figure in in the pouring rain. She opened the passenger side door and let Roxie in. Roxie sighed when she sat down and shivered cold from being wet. “So what’s the emergency, Ace babe?” Roxie’s brown eyes scanned Acey’s tear streaked face and her frown grew. Roxie ran a hand through her curly hair and waited for her best friend to talk.

“I-I,” she cleared her throat and tears kept falling, “I’m p-p-pregnant, Roxie, I’m fucking pregnant.” Her voice cracked before she started sobbing again. Roxie has seen Acey cry a total of three times before this and most of them were happy tears. The first time when they were 13 and Acey’s parents put up a straight A report card up on the fridge. Roxie didn’t see the sad tears when her parents took the paper down after Roxie left. Then when they were 15 and Acey made the very elite cheer squad just before sophomore year. Roxie didn’t see the tears Acey cried when she went home to know that her sister got an early admission to Yale and was able to finish high school that December. Then the day that Jack had asked Acey out, she told Roxie all about it and cried with so much happiness that Roxie had to put away the dislike for Jack Hansen just for her best friend.

Watching Acey cry like this only made Roxie want to cry too. But what Roxie couldn’t understand is why Acey went all the way with Jack? Her mind jumped to the worst conclusions before finally just asking, “did you and Jack do it? Did he force you? Do I have to take his manhood?” Any other day Acey would laugh but she just groaned.

“Roxie you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.” She moved to look at her best friend, wiping the tears from her face and Roxie nodded. “You can’t even tell Garrett, Roxie, it’s that big.”

“Got it, just tell me who I’m beating up.”

Acey bit her lip, the bile rising up again but she pushed it back down. “It’s John O’Callaghan’s.” Roxie’s jaw dropped as she stared at her best friend. She couldn’t fathom this would ever happen. But it did and it’s not gonna change.

So many question went through Roxie’s mind but only one she was able to voice, “how did this happen?” Acey sighed deeply, wiping away the tears even though they still fell.

“That party, after the last football game, you left me for Garrett and I went out for a cigarette. I happened to bum one off of John, he asked me why I like Jack, I said I don’t know anymore and we drank together. One thing led to another and he brought me to a vacant room. I could say he took advantage of me but I wanted it just as well. God I fucked up so bad, Roxie!” She started sobbing again; putting her head into her hands Acey leaned up against her steering wheel. Roxie extended her hand and rubbed Acey’s back. They sat in silence, thankful it was only Saturday and the rain seemed to start letting up.

“Acey, baby, what are you going to do about the baby?” Roxie asked after a few minutes, her voice cracked at the sudden action and coughed when Acey sniffed, wiping her eyes again.

“I’m not terminating it, if that’s what you’re asking,” Roxie shook her head, her eyebrows and hands rising in alarm.

“No! Never, I know your views. But I mean after the nine months.” Acey shook her head and shrugged.

“Can we just think about this a little bit later? I’m starving.” Roxie smiled and nodded, telling Acey to start the car up before putting in a mix CD she found on the dashboard. They laughed as soon as the first song started to play, Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, remembering their vow to drink before a concert and scream “free bird!” at the band. They swayed and sang along to the song while driving to the nearest diner where Acey then parked and they went inside. As soon as they walked in they saw John, Kennedy and Garrett and Acey’s stomach began doing flips.

“We can go somewhere else?” Roxie asked seeing the very boy that got Acey in her predicament but the other girl shook her head. They sat down at a booth, tried to go unnoticed but Garrett started waving to them. This made Kennedy and John turn around and smile at the girls. John smirked seeing Acey but he noticed the girl’s face and how it looked as if she was just crying.

“Do you want to go sit with them?” Garrett asked, looking only at Roxie with a goofy smile and Kennedy shrugged so John had no choice but to grab his drink and the boys moved to sit with the two girls. John slid into the booth next to Acey and she didn’t even protest, it was so unlike the Walker girl. The other three squeezed into their side, Roxie giggled at how close she was to Garrett and Garrett still kept his goofy smile on his face. Acey watched them with a small smile on her face. She missed when her and Jack were cute, falling in love and not fighting all the time. Her stomach turned. She missed her life before she fucked up so bad.

“Are you okay?” John whispered next to her, she looked over to him and saw his concerned face. She put on a fake smile and nodded, “I’m fine.” Even though she really wasn’t fine, not even the least bit.

--
Monday morning came faster than Acey would like. She couldn’t fake sick and stay home for two facts. Her mother would stay home with her all day and it wouldn’t be pretty and Coach Cavanaugh has a strict no absence policy and cheerleading is everything to Acey. She dressed in her tight uniform, frowning at herself in her full-length mirror knowing that this uniform won’t hold her bump forever. She fixed her ponytail and laced up her white sneakers before grabbing her bag and heading downstairs. Her mother and father sat at the table, not speaking and eating. A plate sat in her spot and she sat down without a word. The smell of eggs made her stomach turn and nausea filled her. She didn’t move, she quietly ate around the eggs trying to be as normal as possible.

“Honey, eat your eggs.” Acey bit her lip, putting down her fork at her mother’s words and quickly got up.

“I have to go, I forgot, I have to help this kid, Bobby, with his math test.” She quickly left and she didn’t even get a goodbye.

She drove to school, not picking up Roxie after getting a text that she has her own ride and Acey felt so alone. Her mind was swimming with questions like what if someone knows? or am I showing? or the worst of them all, what am I going to tell Jack? She hasn’t even thought about what she was going to tell her own boyfriend. She knows she’s omitting the fact that the human growing in her is actually John O’Callaghan’s. As soon as Acey got to the school she felt her stomach drop. She could see Jack with his football friends, throwing a football, in the parking lot. She took in a deep breath and stepped out of the car.

She smiled and waved to a few people who noticed her and greeted her, she walked up to Jack and smiled but he didn’t notice her. She bit her lip before checking her phone, which had no messages and walked away in a hurry pretending she had to be somewhere. She passed all the random students and went straight to her locker. She bit back the tears that threatened to fall. She felt ignored, fat and disgusting. She’s pregnant and as soon as she tells someone the whole school will know, besides Roxie.

She felt someone tap her shoulder and she turned around quickly, surprise well on her face but it melted when she saw Roxie smiling at her. “Hey Rox,” her voice came out soft and Roxie looked at her with a frown forming on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Acey rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Oh you know, I feel fat and disgusting and Jack totally ignored me in the parking lot.” Roxie’s jaw clenched and her hands turned into fists at her sides.

“You’re not fat or disgusting, just well you know,” she whispered the last part before sighing deeply. “And you should break up with Jack, honestly, and tell John what’s up instead of lying to Jack.” Acey bit her lip. She knew Roxie is right because Roxie is always right but Acey just couldn’t do that.

“I love Jack and I know he loves me.” It was a stupid comment and Acey knew it as soon as Roxie gave her a look.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit too late to say you love him?” Acey felt defeated once the bell rang and she had to separate from Roxie and go to class. Today is going to be hell, she thought, and in those first few seconds of the school day she knew and she was right.