I Don't Belong in This Fiction

Something wasn’t right. Something seemed strange lately. I hadn’t felt like myself. I stepped into the room, blinded by a bright light. It just seemed like a plain white room.

“Am I dreaming?” I asked out loud.

“No,” a soft female voice rang out.

I turned in circles, trying to find the person who spoke to me. There was no sign of anybody. Running circles around the room, I was trying to find a door, or a window. There was nothing. I was trapped in a bright white room. I called out for somebody, anybody, to help me figure out where I was. Silence consumed the room for a while as I sat in a corner, hugging my knees. The voices that began to sing softly startled me. Singing words that were eerily familiar to me.

Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you’ve seen.

So unsure but it seems, cause we’ve been waiting for you.

“Been waiting for me?” I asked. “For what?”

Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste of your afterlife here so stay.

“What? My afterlife?”

The bright lights around me began to swirl, and soon weren’t bright. I could see things now. I was in a cemetery, staring at my closest friends and family all dressed in black. The soft sounds of their sobs ringing through my eardrums. I ran up to people, trying to get someone’s attention. Everybody was ignoring me, acting like they didn’t see me. One person did notice me though, and pointed over my shoulder. I turned to see the casket and the tombstone. I gasped as I saw my name etched into the rough stone.

“No, this can’t be right.,” I said as I saw words racing through my head.

I see a distant light, but girl this can’t be right. Such a surreal place to see, so how did this come to be? Arrived too early.

My surroundings disappeared again, and I was back in the white room. There was no intention to speak the familiar words, but they came almost out of impulse, like someone had taken over my head. “This is going too far. I don’t belong here. Cause this time I’m right to move on, far away from here.” My mind raced to figure out what had happened. The last thing I clearly remembered was that I was in my house, casually having a drink, waiting for my wife to come home. Now I’m stuck in this room. “Where am I?” I called out.

A place of hope and no pain. Perfect skies with no rain.

Can leave this place but refrain, cause we’ve been waiting for you.

I couldn’t figure out what freaked me out the most. Not knowing where I was, or hearing strange voices speak to me in the form of a song that I had helped write for my band. Still freaking out, I backed into one of the walls.

This peace on Earth’s not right. No pain or sign of time.

“But I’m much too young to fall,” the words came from me impulsively again. “So out of place, don’t wanna stay. I feel wrong and that’s my sign. I’ve made up my mind!”

The surroundings swirled again, and I was back at the funeral. It sank in that I had died, and there was no way to go back. My friends and family were watching my body be buried. I cried as I stood in front of everybody. I saw my wife, sobbing as my casket was slowly lowered into the ground. I was dead, and I wasn’t coming back. Suddenly I accepted it as I went over to my wife. I reached for her hand, but watched in horror as my hand went through hers, unable to grab it. Before the casket was all the way into the ground, she ran to it, placing a hand on the polished wood. I stood beside her, putting my hand on hers as the words came from my mouth again before I could stop them.

“Gave me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye. Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life.”

I watched as the funeral ended and the crowd disbursed slowly, sadly. I didn’t want to believe it, but I had seen it with my own two eyes. My own funeral. My wife remained at the tombstone, refusing to leave. I sat on the stone in front of her, watching her crying still.

“Why did you do this to me?” she asked through her sobs.

I watched her as she sat in the fresh sod for hours, not moving a muscle. I looked up towards the sky again as I spoke. “Loved ones back home all crying cause they’re already missing me. I pray by the grace of God that there’s somebody listening.”

“God? Why did you do this to me?” She asked.

A voice came from nowhere and spoke, but only audible to me. “It was your time to leave. I know you didn’t want to accept it.”

“Couldn’t you at least give me a chance to be that person I wanna be?” I asked. “I know I’m not hurting anymore. I’m unbroken, choking on this ecstasy…”

“Just try to accept it, and your loved ones will too.”

“Oh Lord, I’ll try so hard…” I trailed off, looking back at my wife. “But you gotta let go of me,” I said to her before looking back up. “But why did you do this to me? If I would’ve known before, I would’ve begged for another chance to live.”

“You will get another chance, in due time.”

“What’s that supp-” I was cut off by her voice again.

“I didn’t even get the chance to tell you that I’m pregnant,” she whispered as she stood up.

The cemetery faded and I was once again back in the white room. “What!? No! I need to go back. I can’t be trapped here. Unbreak me. Unchain me. I need another chance to live!” I shouted, frantically trying to find a way out of this room.

“You’ll get that chance. Right now you have to just have to stay, and if you don’t, you’ll be back here soon anyway.”

I sighed as I stayed in silence for a long while. I couldn’t do this. I needed to go back to my wife and my unborn child. My thoughts were interrupted by the presence of a figure near me. I looked up to see a sillhouette, but I couldn’t see a face or anything. “Your next chance to live will come with that child,” the angelic voice sang. “You will be a part of that child, and you will live on forever,” she said before disappearing to leave me with my thoughts.

I don’t know how long I sat in that corner, but I realized now that I did have no choice at all but to accept it. “Now I think I understand, how this world can overcome a man,” I said softly. Suddenly my surroundings swirled again and I was standing in the middle of a familiar living room. I turned to see my friends and their significant others all sitting in silence. “Like a friend we saw it through. In the end I gave my life for you,” I said to them, still knowing that they wouldn’t be able to hear me.

I saw my wife in the circle, the small bump now noticeably protruding. I sat in front of her. “Gave you all I had to give. Found a place for me to rest my head.”

More minutes of solemn silence passed and she stood up to walk outside. I followed her, and even though I couldn’t touch her, I still wrapped my arms around her as she spoke softly. “Left this life to set me free. Took a piece of you inside of me. All this hurt can finally fade…”

“Promise me you’ll never feel afraid,” I whispered to her.

She gasped lightly, almost as if she heard me. “James?” she asked softly, turning in a circle to look.

I was caught by surprise as I looked towards the sky. I saw someone looking down at me, and he nodded once with a smile. “She can’t see you, but speak softly and she’ll hear you. Now hurry and tell her what you need to say.”

“I hope it’s worth it. What’s left behind me. I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you,” I said quietly.

“Jimmy? I can hear you,” she said, looking towards the sky. “Why did you leave?”

“I don’t belong here, I’ve gotta move on dear. Escape from this afterlife. Cause this time I’m right to move on and on, far away from here. Got nothing against you and surely I’ll miss you. This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might take me back inside when the time is right,” I whispered.

“You left everybody though.”

“I know. So tell everybody, the ones who walk beside me. I know you’ll find your own way, when I’m not with you tonight.”

“I love you, forever and always.”

“I love you too.”