The Walls That Lie Between Us

I didn’t like to cry, not at all. I felt like a baby and weak, but sometimes I couldn’t stop myself. Now being one of those times. It was silly of me, I mean, really who does this?

It was now Sunday afternoon and I was curled up on my mattress crying. There were two pictures laying next to me, they were the source of these stupid tears. I wished they’d stop, it hurt my body to keep this up. My Father really did a number on me this time, that’s what I get for coming home. This wasn’t anything compared to what I knew him to be capable of. The only time I really cared about what he was doing to me. That was last year though, and I was slowly but surely getting over it.

I spent the whole weekend like this though, I was too horrified to go out. I would have turned my phone off if I had it, but it was sitting in some idiots truck right now. Not that anyone would really care if I answered or not. Who knows, maybe someone would. As soon as I could bear it though, I crawled into my room, locked the door, and forced myself to bed.

There wasn’t anyone here at the moment, otherwise I’m sure I’d be getting another beating for that. I was good with dealing with it though. It’s been my life for a while now, and I made do, soon I’d be old enough that I could just escape and never come back. That was what made my days come and go, that idea alone helped me. Also, the fact that I had a few pain pills that eased me into an alternate reality for a bit, those helped a lot.

Right now though, all I could think about were the two pictures in front of me. The first was from when I was about seven, it was my parents and me on the beach somewhere, I don’t think I really even remember this picture. We were all standing in front of a small sand castle I had just built, with big smiles on our faces and our arms around each other. It was almost like a nice, perfect family. It was all a lie though, my family wasn’t nice, and they sure as hell weren’t perfect. Far from it, far from it indeed. I couldn’t even think about the second one right now, it hurt too much. There was, and forever will be, a hole in my heart, and that hole was ripped away from me last year, and it will never be repaired.

I stayed in my room the rest of the day, just as I had the whole weekend. Even when my Father returned, I just laid there not bothering to move at all. It wasn’t like he was getting in here, that was for sure, I’d barricaded the door. Something I did whenever I was home. As if this was ever a real home.

Monday morning came and went, I didn’t bother to get up for school, it was just going to be a bunch of bullshit I didn’t want to deal with. When I finally did decide to get up it hurt. Not only was I sore from the bruises, but my bones and muscles were stiff from lack of any movement the past two days. I was used to this, there was always a bruise somewhere on my body, whether it be fresh, or still healing.

The day passed as I showered and got dressed. I took my time seeing as I wasn’t even planning on going to school, Father was out doing whatever it was he did, so I had until at least five-thirty to stay in the house. I tried calling Leon, but he didn’t answer, probably since I used the house phone…

After I cleaned up my dishes from my late lunch, I got all my things ready to leave. It was only three in the afternoon , but there was seriously nothing to do here. Walking to the park would be better than this. I ran back up to my room to grab my hoodie when the phone rang. I let it ring till I made it back downstairs. No one would be calling for me, so it must be some hooker for my Father. I opened the front door and was about to close it when the answering machine kicked on and someone started speaking.

“Um, Hello?” I stopped halfway out the door and looked to the phone. “This is Principal Figgins, I’m calling in regards to Miss Reagan Mitchell. If she doesn’t show up to Glee today, we will be forced to call the authorities and report this, as it is part of her agreement.” Principal Figgins hung up so I walked over to the phone and deleted the message. If I didn’t go to Glee, then I’d basically be sent to Juvie, win-win for all…

“You’re going to that club Reagan.” I spun around so fast I almost knocked myself over. Mother stood in the doorway to the kitchen, I hadn’t even known she was here. What the hell. She looked me over, seeming to wince as she looked me in the eyes, there was no escaping the new shiners I had.

“Fuck you.” I spat at her and turned to leave. There was no way in hell I was going. It was mostly to prove a point, Glee wasn’t bad, I was just stubborn.

“Reagan Lee, you get in that car right now before I lose it.” I laughed bitterly before storming out. What a bitch, like I was scared of her.

“I’ll tell your Father, so help me god.” She was following me now, like I cared.

“So what? He’ll just hit me again and blah, blah, blah. What don’t you get Mother? This is my daily life, I’m used to it, until I can move out on my own, I’m stuck with you two awful people.” She looked shocked again, but I wasn’t going to sugar coat anything for her. I need her to understand what she’s done to me.

“Just… Just let me take you to that club. I have to tell you some things. Good things. I’m going to make everything better, just let me, okay?” I rolled my eyes.

“Too late.” I muttered.

“Reagan, please?” Her eyes turned watery, and I don’t know why, but I felt so sad for her. I knew I shouldn’t, but she looked so fragile, so broken. I felt like I needed to just hear her out. So I followed her to the garage and got into the car with her, and I let her drive me to school. We didn’t actually talk, but maybe we just needed to let things sit for a minute.

I walked the empty halls, dragging my feet along the way, I was not looking forward to this. How could I have let my Mother talk me into this? I was crazy, that’s how. I finally reached the choir room, but I couldn’t make myself open the door. This was so stupid. I could just run now, it wasn’t too late.

I stood watching through the small glass door, everyone was laughing and smiling, it looked so nice inside. Maybe this was something I needed in my life, something positive. I mean, I loved to laugh and I liked to sing, what was the big deal, it wasn’t that bad.

So I pulled my hair around my face and my hood up over my head, that way it hid the black eyes I had gotten, and I opened the door. Everyone stopped what they were doing and starred at me.

“Sorry I’m late.” I muttered as I walked as fast as possible with my head down to an empty chair. No one said anything they just starred.

“Glad to see you today Reagan.” Mr. Schue greeted me, but moved on quickly. So far so good then.

“This week, we’re going to be working on becoming more versatile. I’m going to be pairing you all up with someone, and then you’ll pick each other’s song. The more opposite your song choices the higher the score.”

“Is this a competition?” Finn asked.

“Yes. The pair that gets the highest score gets a free dinner to Breadstix.” Everyone suddenly started freaking out. Mr. Schuester calmed everyone down and started listing the pairs off.

“Artie and Puck, Finn and Mercedes, Kurt and Santana, Brittany and Tina, Matt and Mike, and finally Quinn, Rachel, and Reagan.” I rolled my eyes, really Quinn AND Rachel?

“Mr. Schue, I don’t think it’s fair to be paired up with two other people, and frankly, I think we should be able to pick out own partners. I mean-” That was where I stopped listening, I couldn’t care less. The rest of the group joined in soon and there was just one massive sound of complaints.

“Guys, guys, guys, cut it out. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. That’s life and the pairings stand as is. No switching!” There were numerous groans throughout the room but everyone seemed settled down. They all started moving to sit with their new partners, I didn’t bother, I wanted nothing to do with this. Too bad Rachel and Quinn sat down right next to me.

“Okay, so I’ve already come up with a few songs I think you two can sing. You won’t be as good as me, of course, but I think you’ll both be able to pull off at least a semi-decent performance.” She grinned widely, satisfied with herself. It was amazing what you could see out of your peripherals.

“Thanks, but really Rachel your song selections are kind of boring, show tunes aren’t my thing. And I’m sure Reagan isn’t really into that either.” I could feel both of the girls looking at me for a response, but I didn’t have one.

“That’s why they are exactly perfect for you both. Mr. Schue said the more opposite the better, so it’s perfect. Trust me.” Rachel beamed again.

“The last time I listened when someone said ‘trust me’ I wound up pregnant.” Quinn sounded angry, but I didn’t blame her, she had the perfect life, and from what I heard it was all going down the drain now that she was carrying Puck’s baby.

The rest of the day Quinn and Rachel argued over every song the other came up with and I didn’t speak once. There was about twenty minutes of Glee left when Rachel’s patience wore out.

“Mr. Schue! I can’t work with these two. Quinn wont take any of my ideas seriously and Reagan hasn’t said a thing. This just isn’t working out.” She said in a huff. Everyone seemed to ignore Rachel’s outburst, I’m sure this happened a lot.

“Well, try asking them about their opinions.” He walked over to us so he wasn’t shouting.

“What would you like to do Reagan?” He said calmly.

“Honestly, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t even want to be here.” I snapped.

“Reagan, could you at least act like you’re interested?” He asked while reaching out a hand to set on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” I jumped up while smacking his hand away. I couldn’t help but be a little jumpy when people touched me. Everyone kind of noticed my outburst and was staring at me. Mr. Schue was wide-eyed, they all were.

“Reagan?” He asked, his tone almost horrified. Every person in that room had a face to match his tone. I reached my own hand up to my face, realizing what everyone was seeing. I guess when I jumped up it knocked my hood down, and my hair out of my face. They all got a pretty good look at my lovely shiners, and my fat lip. Quickly I pulled my hood back up and looked to the ground. My cheeks were starting to heat up with embarrassment. I headed for the door as fast as I could.

“Reagan! Wait.” Mr. Schuester followed me out into the hall, but he was careful not to reach out to me this time. I don’t know why, but I stopped.

“Reagan, what happened?” There he goes again, sounding like some concerned father. What did he care?

“Nothing.” That was never a smart answer, I mean, clearly something happened.

“Who did this to you?”

“I got in a fight with some girls, no big deal.” I knew by now how to handle these things. Sometimes Father got a little out of hand, at least I had the reputation to fit my stories.

“Was it here, at school? Who was it?” Damn, this guy sure was nosy.

“No, it was over the weekend. It’s all taken care of and everything. No worries.” I tried to smile to show him things were good, but it hurt too much.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” I just shook my head, knowing that the only thing he could do was shut his mouth. “Well take a minute to calm yourself, and then come back in when you’re ready. I’d tell you to go home, but Mr. Figgins wants you here for the whole meeting.” I just nodded my head, stupid Mr. Figgins. Mr. Schue smiled then walked back into the choir room, leaving me to myself.

I didn’t wait long to go back into the choir room, just long enough to pop a couple more pain pills in. I had expected everyone to stare at me, but they didn’t, they just seemed to be working on their songs. I walked over to Quinn and Rachel and sat down without a word. At least Glee was almost over.