Music's My Religion

-4 months ago-

I sat at the bar frowning at my half-empty beer.

I was pissed at myself.

Who needs him?! This should be one of the happiest days of my life! I got to go to my first Blood on the Dance Floor concert!

I just couldn’t win. I could never have just one good thing happen without a bad thing leveling it out.

To give you the run-down of why I’m so depressed:

My boyfriend of almost a year, Lucas, had taken me to the concert. Drove me all the way from Dallas, Texas, to Phoenix, Arizona, just to see them preform. It’s been a dream of mine for months, but whenever they’d come close to Dallas it would happen to be a weekday and I would feel horrible leaving my very first class with a substitute to go to a concert. Kindergarten teachers just don’t get to go to techno/screamo concerts.

I don’t really think of Phoenix as close to Dallas so I didn’t even let myself think about it when I saw they were playing here on a weekend, but Lucas surprised me with the tickets.
After the concert I was so happy. Dahvie and Jayy killed it! Of course, nothing gold can stay.

Lucas took me outside and sat me down on a bench. I was smiling widely, completely oblivious to what he was thinking. He took my hand in his. “Heidi. This past year has been one of the best of my life. I never want it to end.” I thought he was going to propose. I would have been thrilled. It would be the perfect place and situation even. Just how I always dreamed it would happen.

“But, Heidi… I’m just not cut out to be your boyfriend. You deserve someone better than me. I’m glad you enjoyed the concert. I’m happy I got to make you happy one last time… Goodbye, Heidi.” He said looking into my eyes as the whole world crashed around me. No. this wasn’t supposed to happen. I couldn’t seem to be able to move or make any noise. The ghost of a once ecstatic smile still plastered on my face. He slowly got up and walked away. I sat there, frozen.

An eternity later I made myself get up and somehow I found this bar…

“You okay, Hon?” I looked up sharply at the nice bartender. She was about my age and had blonde hair like me, but hers was clearly dyed.

“Uh… yeah… I guess…” I murmured, quietly.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Sweetie.” She said quietly, leaning on the counter, giving me her undivided attention.

“J-just boy tr-troubles…” I mumble, trying to hold back tears. I didn’t really want to talk about it to this complete stranger. Talking about it to my brother or best friend didn’t sound too attractive either.

Just because my best friend’s gay doesn’t mean he knows anything about girl problems. I don’t think he’s ever had a serious relationship and besides… gay guys are different from straight guys stereotypically speaking.

She looked at me for a couple more seconds before sighing and moving away.
I just let my thoughts envelope me and take me away.

Sometime later I heard someone sit on the stool next to mine and ask the bartender for a beer. His voice sounded oddly familiar, but my tipsy mind couldn’t quite think of who it could be. I glanced at the man and I recognized him immediately. He was Jayy Von Monroe from Blood on the Dance Floor. The band I saw earlier before Lucas dumped me.

He smiled at me when he saw me staring. “Hi! I’m Jayy! Is there a reason you’re staring?” He asked in his cute voice. I blinked. “Oh, hi… and no not really...” I mutter. Usually I would act like a complete fan girl, but I was well on my way to getting wasted as I took another swig of my beer. I made a face. I’d waited too long and it was almost flat now. I asked the bartender for a new one.

“Well… can I get your name?” He asked smiling. “Seems only fair since I told you mine!” He giggled as he sipped his Bud Light. I glanced at him wondering why he bothered talking to me.

“Heidi” I sigh, taking in a mouthful of my own Bud. He grinned even wider. “I like that name. I’ve never met anyone named that until today.” He laughed giddily. I wondered if he ever stopped laughing.

The conversation became easier the drunker we got. The drunker we got, the more crazy shit we did and the less I remembered…

~~~@@@~~~
I remember the next morning.

Waking up in a small hotel room with Jayy’s arms around me and incase you didn’t already guess, we were both naked.

I remember Jayy was still asleep and I was extremely confused because I couldn’t seem to remember ever talking about sleeping with him or going to the hotel room. Also, Jayy had been making jokes in the portion of the night I remember about being gay. He wasn’t gay? Goddammit I wanted him to wake up, but when I twisted around to look at him, I couldn’t bring myself to wake him. He just looked so peaceful.

I lay there for about an hour and a half (I’d always been an early riser) before Jayy woke up. I felt him start to stir and his arms uncertainly slipping away from my body. Free from them, I slowly slid off the bed. I saw a towel on the floor and wrapped it around myself. It was still wet which made me wonder what it was used for.

Jayy looked up at me, the sheets of the bed loosely wrapped around his hips. I sighed and leaned up against the wall. I heard him sigh.

“We fucked up…” He muttered, holding his head. “Yup” I replied. I was surprised I could even stand. I thought my hangover was going to be really bad, but it wasn’t. He seemed to be in a lot of pain though. I glanced around the room.

“Want me to make you coffee?” I asked quietly. He looked up at me and nodded. “Thanks”
Looking around I only saw my skinny jeans and briefs. Yes, I’m a girl and I wear briefs. Deal with it. I didn’t know where my shirt and bra were so I decided it wasn’t the end of the world to stay in just the towel for a minute. Not like he hadn’t seen it already anyway.

“I’m going to go take a quick shower, okay?” He startled me from filling the coffee maker with the powdered coffee grinds… whatever they’re called. “Oh. Yeah. Sure, go ‘head” I mentally slapped myself when my southern accent slipped out of my mouth. Damn it! I thought I killed that mother fucker!

I glanced at him and saw he was smiling. “You’re accent’s cute. I don’t know why you try to hide it.” With that he got up, the sheets still around his waist, and went into the bathroom. I started the coffee and then went to track down my clothes.

I slipped my briefs and skinnies on and eventually found my bra stuffed under one of the pillows on the bed, but I still couldn’t find my shirt. It was one of my favorites. It was hot pink and said “Jeffree Star stole my boyfriend”. I know. A little sketchy wearing a Jeffree Star shirt to a Blood on the Dance Floor concert, but like I said it was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life and I wanted to wear my favorite shirt.

I was so busy looking I didn’t realize Jayy had come out of the bathroom. “Looking for this? I assume it’s yours.” He giggled. I turned around and blushed. Here I was standing here in a pair of black skinny jeans and a lacey bra and there he was standing there in only his briefs, his black hair still dripping while he held out my shirt.

That’s when it really hit me. I had slept with Jayy Von Monroe. A singer of Blood on the Dance Floor, one of my idols!

I tried to contain the surge of excitement in my stomach as I reached out and took the shirt from him. I pulled it over my head and adjusted it around my torso. People always told me how bad they wished they had my hips or my curves or my flat belly. Always told me how “perfect” my body was. Of course they didn’t stop there. Not with my “gorgeous” face and my “mesmerizing” dark blue eyes and my “beautiful” long light blonde hair. It made me wish I was ugly.

He smirked as he read my shirt. “Nice.”

I shrugged lightly, embarrassed. I handed him his coffee and took a sip of mine.

Just then a phone went off. The ringtone was “BOOM I Fucked Your Boyfriend” by some seventies artist. My ringtone for Micah, my best friend. My hand went instinctively to my back pocket, but it wasn’t there. Jayy got the hint and helped me look. He snatched it off the bed and handed it to me.

“Micah?”

“Heidi! Oh my god! Lucas called me asking if you got back okay and he told me what happened. Me and Hayden already made plans to smash his face in once you’re home. I can’t believe he left you in Phoenix!”

“I know, Mick. I’m fine. I’ll jump buses home okay? You have to go to work, don’t worry about me alright?”

“…Okay… I can come get you. One day off won’t kill me.”

“NO! Go to work, you can’t afford to get fired!”

“Alright, fine. I’ll call you on my break. Bye, Heidi.”

“Bye, Micah.”

I hung up and glanced at Jayy.

“Your boyfriend?” He asked. Am I imagining the bitterness in his usually giddy voice?

“No… just my best friend. I’m surprised I didn’t tell you at some point. My boyfriend broke up with me after the concert. That’s why I was at the bar.” I told him.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” He looked sincere about it. I smiled weakly. “Thanks”

It was his phone’s turn to go off at that moment. I grabbed it off the desk and handed it to him. “Thanks” he muttered before answering. I didn’t recognize the ringtone, but it was a song.

“Hey, Dahvie.”

“No. I’m fine. Just a little hungover.”

“I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Umm… I’m not sure. I’ll text you in a second.”

“K… Bye!” He hung up and turned to me. “Do you know where we are?”

I shook my head. He sighed. “I’ll get dressed and check.” He pulled on his clothes before heading out the door. After he left, I saw the TV guide said “County Inns and Suites”. Well that was a wasted trip on Jayy’s part.

He came back five minutes later typing something into his phone. Texting Dahvie I bet.
“Heidi… about last night…” He said slowly looking nervous. I shook my head. “Let’s just pretend it never happened.” He smiled relieved. “Sounds like a plan.”

Dahvie came and picked Jayy up in the tour bus ten minutes later. Jayy paid for the room like a complete gentleman.

I then jumped buses all the way back to Dallas. I got there at five am the next day. I never once stopped thinking about Jayy.

If only he knew how I felt about him after just one night.

-Jayy’s POV-

“Bye!” I gave Heidi a quick hug before running onto our tour bus. I just barely heard her say bye back.

I took in Dahvie, Sally, and Drew all sitting in the little living room like area and let out a breath I’d been holding before sinking onto the couch.

“Jayy! What did you do last night?!” Dahvie demanded. I sighed knowing I’d promised to tell him.

“I got drunk- no wasted- at the bar I went to and I was hanging out with this really cool girl and we were both very drunk and at some point we got a hotel room…” I let that hang in the air.

“Dude… are you going bi on us?” Drew asked confused. I shrugged because honestly I was confused. Being with Heidi was nice from what I remember. I liked it. It was different from being with a guy, of course, but it was nice.

“Jayy… are you serious?” Sally giggled. The look on my face gave her the answer. “What was it like? Describe it to me!” I giggled despite the confusion in my head fighting my persistant hangover.

“It was… nice. She was really fun to talk to and we were pretty much instant best friends, but that might have been the booze. From what I remember, the sex was pretty much the same as with a guy, like, it got the job done, and she was pretty good in bed from what I could tell. She was so nice and sweet even drunk and she smelled really good… I don’t know how to describe it… kinda like how I imagine a rainbow would smell like.” I ranted giggling lightly as I finished. The more I thought about her, the more I realized I really like her.

Sally was smiling. “So… did you get her number!? Are you going to see her again?!”

“Uhhh… no actually I didn’t get her number. We both just sort of agreed to pretend this never happened…” even I could hear the disappointment in my voice. They stared at me wide-eyed and jaws on the ground. “No… Jayy! I’m telling the bus driver to turn around!” Dahvie jumped up and started working his way to the front of the bus. “No! Dahvie! Stop!” I yelled. He froze and looked at me. “Jayy… the only person I’ve ever heard you talk about like this was Danny and you two were almost married. I don’t want you to lose someone you could end up loving.” He said sadly. I blinked.

“Jayy, trust me man. You don’t want to let this girl go if she really means so much to you.” Drew said wrapping his arm around Sally and pulling her close. I sighed and actually thought about turning around, but then I remembered that it was her that said we should forget this ever happened. What if I went back and she didn’t want me?

“No. Even if I do like her which I’m not even sure I do, I doubt she’d actually want me. She never suggested she did.” I sighed. It would take a while to stop thinking about her, but it’d save me the embarrassment of being rejected.

If only she knew how I felt about her after one night…