Have No Fear

Chapter 10
The next morning I woke up way too early but that couldn’t hurt my mood as I felt another body laying against mine naked one. I enjoyed feeling the other body laying next to me as he let out soft snores.
I closed my eyes again wanted fall back to sleep, savoring this moment but in a moment of clarity my eyes drifted to the arm around my waist. Blank... blank skin stared at me and my good mood immediately left as I realized that I wasn't laying next to Brian. I laid back and closed my eyes again, trying to forget what I just saw. I tried to imagine Brian laying next to me in this tiny bunk.
Maybe.... she thought. Maybe when she would think about it hard enough her wished would come true. She would open her eyes and he would lay here next to her, holding her, be with her. When he would wake up, he would, hold her tightly, shower her with sweet kisses before they would slowly make love all morning.
She could almost feel him moving against her when she felt the person that was actually next to her move. Her dreams flew away and she knew that she had to wake up and couldn't pretend anymore.
"Morning." She heard a raspy voice say. She slowly opened her eyes and turned around slightly so that she could face him. He had removed his arms from her waist and had sit up on one arm.
"Hey." She answered before a silent and slightly awkward moment followed. "...Last night was fun." I just gave a small nod, not knowing what to answer.
Eventually he broke the silence. "I should leave..." I just agreed not wanting him to be her any longer. He was a nice guy and she had enjoyed last night, but he was not the guy she wanted to wake up next to. She just wanted to be alone, thinking about what happen, decided if this was bad thing or it was what she had needed.

I made my way out of the bed while John followed, we made our way through the bus finding pieces of our clothes laying around the bus. We both grabbed all our clothes, once in awhile handing each other some items. After we were both clothed I made my way to the door. "I'll walk you out."
"Not necessary, I will find it." He said as he as well made his way to the door. "No, I have to walk with you. You don't have a backstage pass." He nodded awkwardly. "Right, so you’re in a band."
I showed him off the bus and to the exit while telling him more about the band. He was a real easy guy to hang out with and maybe before the whole Brian thing I would have considered going out with him.
We walked to the entrance of the ground, to the exit. "Well... It was nice to meet."
"You too. Next time were in town you should come to the show." He agreed. We gave each other an awkward hug before parting as we both didn't know what to say anymore.

Michelle left the next day. I felt relieved by that, her visit had made my life a lot more complicated. Before she had come to visit, things between her and Brian had been good, they had just admitted that they liked each other and she had secretly started to think that maybe, maybe they had a future.
But now things weren't that easy anymore, she had met Michelle and she had liked her. Michelle wasn't just someone that she didn't know anything about. She now knew that she was sweet and kind and that she loved Brian a lot and to be honest she didn't know if she could continue sleeping with Brian now. But on the other hand she really liked Brian, she was even thinking that maybe she loved him. She had never felt this way about someone before and she didn't want to let that go.
She started to get crazy with all these thoughts running through her mind, she knew that she and Brian needed to talk. She wanted to delay it because maybe he changed his mind about them and she didn't wanted that to happen, she would rather stay in this maybe place.
She stayed in her bunk for most of the day thinking about Brian and the things that might happen and eventually decided that she couldn't keep wondering anymore, she had to know. Even though she didn't want it to end she was starting to go crazy with doubt.

After she had heard all of her band members leave the bus, she texted Brian, that they needed to talk about what happened. Almost immediately he texted back that he was coming so I went to the front room waiting for him.
Not much later he walked through the door, his shoulders slumped down. We just stood there for a minute not knowing what to do before exchanging an awkward hug. After we had let go, I started to walk to the back room as it was more private when someone would come on the bus.
I sat down on the couch leaving enough space for him to sit down but he kept standing near the door. As if he wanted to get away. We both stayed silent, neither knowing how to begin this conversation. I tried to look him in the eyes but he just stared at the floor, my heart broke, this wasn't a good sign. After a few more moments in a very awkward silent, I decided to say something, anything.
"So... Michelle's gone home." He just answered me by nodding his head slightly up and down. It wasn't much of a response so I tried again. "She's a nice girl." Once the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back, I really didn't know why I said that.
"Yeah, she is a nice person." His response wasn't much but at least he said something. I hoped he would say something soon as I did not know how I needed to start the conversation we needed to have.
Finally Brian opened his mouth to say something although it wasn't what I had hoped. "You texted that you wanted to talk." I knew what I wanted to ask but I was afraid of his answer so I waited another minute, until I couldn't delay it anymore. "What's going on between us."
For the first time, he moved his eyes from the floor to actually look at me. He looked sad and confused, but I also saw a hint of anger. I was surprised by that, at who was he angry, Me, himself, Michelle. That question he soon answered for me.
"I don't know, is there a us?" He said accusingly. "You went and slept with some random guy the other night." I was shocked, wasn't sure that he knew, but I was also angry he was accusing me of that he had no right to be angry about that. "Yeah well you were sleeping with Michelle."
"She's my wife what do you expect." I knew that he had a point, he couldn't not sleep with her. It was his right and it would also rise question with Michelle if he hadn't. Although I knew he had a point I didn't want to let him win. "Yeah, but still." He didn't respond to my childish reasoning and just gave me a look.
We both stayed silent, letting ourselves calm down a bit before he continued. "Where do we go from here." I didn't know what to answer to that, I just wanted to ask him one question, 'Are you going to leave Michelle?' But I didn't ask him, I was to afraid for his answer.
"Do you want to continue where we had left off?" He asked when I didn't answer him. His question took me back to my thoughts of this morning. I knew that it wasn't the smartest thing to do, continuing our relationship but I didn't want to end it either. I had felt terrible the last few days that Michelle had been here and I couldn't be with him and I didn't want to feel like that again.
It was a battle between my heart and brain, but even against my better judgment, I decided that I wanted to continue whatever we had going on.
Brian was still standing near the door looking at me waiting for an answer, my head made a slight nod and with my answer the tension that had been in the room since we walked in here dropped. A smile formed on his lips as he walked towards me, I got up from the couch and walked in his opened arms. We just stood there for a minute, hugging. I had missed that and especially with the fear of losing him forever.
I didn't want him to leave just yet and thankfully he thought the same thing. I had expected that as soon as we had solved our problems we would sleep together but we didn't. We just hung out together. We talked and laughed just enjoying each other’s company before we had to join the real world.