Have No Fear

The three members of Avenged were sitting in the front room. Well Zacky and Jimmy were sitting, Matt was pacing the small room. His face was turned red and the muscles in his arms were tense. As soon as he saw us come in to the room, he bursted.

“What the hell are you doing. You're married, what about Michelle, what the hell were you thinking, how long has this been going on, with a fucking reported here.”

His questions kept spewing out, one after another. I didn't hear everything that he said but one word had jumped out, 'reporter.'

“Reporter?” I repeated, hoping that I heard wrong.

Matt was still screaming and didn’t hear, or he just ignored me. Jimmy must have seen the panic in my eyes as he silently answered me. "Don’t worry he won’t talk." His words calmed me a little but Matt kept on yelling and his face kept getting redder and redder.

Brian just stood next to the door, he hadn't moved or said anything since he came in to the room. He just looked down at his feet. It seemed to take forever but eventually he opened his mouth to say three words.

“I love her.” Those three simple words filled my heart again with hope. The words formed a small smile on my lips. If he loved me then maybe this wouldn't be the end, maybe we had a chance.

His words didn't only give me hope, they also made Matt stop talking. He stopped yelling out his questions and just let out a shocked. ‘What?’

“I love her.” He repeated while raising his head so that he could look at Matt. His words this time spoken a little harder.

“What about Michelle, huh. You don’t love her anymore?” Matt responded.

“I love her too.” He avoided my eyes when he spoke those words and my heart fell again.

Then Matt started to ask more questions, this time he asked them one by one.

He wanted to know everything about mine and Bri's relationship and Brian answered all his questions. I just stood there as a bystander. My throat had closed up so I wouldn't get a word out even if I tried. But that didn't matter cause Matt's questions weren't directed to me.

He only looked at me once since we entered the room, his eyes filled with anger and disgust. They made me feel like I was some cheap whore that had seduced Brian in to an affair.

The other two bandmembers just sat on the couch watching the display, they stayed quiet but in their eyes I could see that they showed some sympathy.

It seemed hours later when Matt finaly ran of questions, while in reality it were only a few minutes. After Brian answered his last question, Matt just standed there for a minute before he turned around and walked to the bunk area without speaking another word.

Brian still didn't move, I had hoped that with Matt out of the room he would come to me hug me or tell me that everything will be okay, that we would work something out. That didn't happen he just stayed there standing, not moving even when Jimmy and Zacky followed Matt.

"Should I leave?"

He didn't answer and I took the hint. I left the bus quietly.

Once outside the bus, I let out the breath I didn’t know I had held in. It couldn’t have been the whole time, I wouldn’t know.

With my attention focussed on my breathing, I felt my lungs contract. My breathing started to get irregular and I realized that I was having a panic attack. Even though I could barely breath and I felt as if I was going to die, I started running.

I ended in a alleyway behind the venue where there was no one around. Once I reached the end my knees let out and everything came out I started crying which made breathing even harder.

Brian's POV

I saw Kate leave the room because I hadn't open my mouth. I felt terrible about it but I just didn't know what to say to her. I wanted to comfort her, tell her that everything would be alrigt but the problem was that I didn't know if everything would be alright. I didn't know what was going to happen now.

I slumped down on the couch, trying to think about what I should do. I knew that I should have done this weeks ago but everytime I even considered thinking about this subject, I changed it quickly.

I knew that I had too choose, Kate or Michelle. That was clear to me, I couldn't put the decision off like I had done the last few weeks. Matt would make sure of that.

Michelle, was my wife and I loved her. I had known her since we were teenagers, we had the same friends, her sister was married to my best friend. We had a life together. Sure it wasn't always great, we had fights and more than once I slept on the couch but was that enough reason for a divorce?

Divorce! Could I do it? could I divorce Michelle. So much would change, I would move out, my parents would give me hell for it and so would Val and probably Matt. And it would hurt Shel, she was still one of my best friends and I didn't want to hurt her.

But if I did, that would mean I could be with Kate. I had been attracted to her in the beginning, I remember when I first saw her that I had hoped she was single. She had make me forget about Michelle when the tour had barely even started. After we had first slept together, i wanted more so when the opportunity had risen I had taken it.

It was supposed to stay random hook up's but eventually I didn't just want to sleep with her I had wanted to talk to her, hug her. I still wanted that. I wanted to be with her.

But to get that, so much would have to happen. We would be together but what would the consequences be. Will her band survive the aftermath, will ours? How will our friends and family react? She will probably be seen as some home wrecker.

All these thoughts scared me. especially the thoughts about what could happen, what were the effects going to be of my decision. That uncertainty scared the shit out of me.