I Brought You Bullets, You Brought Me Love

Oh, no. This truly can’t be. I didn’t do anything with her! I remember it all… Do I? I mean… Fuck fuck fuck. I can’t be the child’s father! Frank will leave me! He’ll leave me… and I can’t have him leaving me.

“Are you sure about that?” Frank asked, calmly; his voice was void of emotion, but I could just figure out his feelings.

And, oh, shit. He was so fucking mad. I could feel it. He was angry and sad; I knew this guy way too well, and I could feel the rage building up inside of him and starting to get out, through his apparently innocent words.

“Yes, I am. Gerard was the only one I’ve been with, that week. I remember it perfectly. I wasn’t drunk, you know?” She replied, bitter-sweetly, with a determined look on her eyes that could just say ‘danger, do not get too close or your heart will stop beating’.

I felt Frank softly distance himself from me, and I could just hear the bells ringing in my ears; he was going to leave me. He had forgiven me when I let myself go for her talk, the first time, but, right now, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t let me get on through with that. He wasn’t someone you could fool, and I wasn’t someone worth being with.

“Then, if you’re sure, I’m sure Gerard will agree to take charge on the kid” he said, and I lowered my head; I had no other choice. It wasn’t the kid’s fault that I was a crazy drunk. “Won’t you?” Frank asked me, tilting my head up slightly; I stared at him, in the eyes, seeing the hurt that they held, while softly nodding.

“Oh, that’s great! You can start moving to my place whenever you want, dear!” Ruth said, enthusiastically, as I tilted my head down, again, and let the tears fall down my face; Frankie was going to leave me, and I was going to end up living with someone I didn’t even like, in the first place, and with a kid I didn’t even remember making.

“What non-sense are you saying?! He’s going to take charge, but he’s not going to move out of here!” Frank said, skeptically, and I quirked an eyebrow, raising my head just a little, so I could look at him faintly. “The kid can come over whenever you want, and we’ll take care of her, as if she was my daughter too; we’re going to take care of her, together” Frank said, no longer looking at the shocked woman in my living room, but, instead, looking into my eyes while holding one of my hands.

He… he wasn’t going to leave me? He was willing to stay with me, and take care of the child, too? He was willing to still be my lover, after what I had done? I love this man so fucking much, I don’t believe there’s enough words in all of the dictionaries on earth to describe it; he’s caring, sweet, full of forgiveness, helpful, loving… I just love him with all my strength, all my heart, all my soul.

“What?! No! I won’t let my child be raised by two fucking queers!” She replied, furrowing her eyebrows deeply, one hand flying to her waist. “What would she grow up to be? No, no, no, no. I won’t fucking have that. I prefer her not having a fucking father, than having two goddamn sinful motherfuckers” she complained, exasperated. “I didn’t plan it to go this way! This motherfucker wasn’t supposed to accept it!”

“What? Who are you calling queer?!” I asked, getting up from my spot as rage flew over my body; I could not believe my ears when she continued.

“Your stupid little boyfriend; that’s who I’m calling a queer! That asshole had to accept it, didn’t he?!” She screamed, getting closer to me and grabbing my collar. “Why won’t you love me instead of him?! Why won’t you let me in?!” She cried out, pushing me as she let me go; then, she started walking to the door, with me following close behind so I could slam the door on her head as she got out.

Suddenly, though, she stopped in the middle of the hallway, turned to me, and, with crocodile tears on her eagle eyes, opened her mouth again, making me want to kill her, for once and for all.

“You want to know what? You’re not even the child’s father! We didn’t even fuck! All I wanted was for you to be mine, but that faggot had to ruin everything!” She screamed, leaving me trembling with anger.

I cannot believe the fucking bitch lied to my face, made me try to believe that I had a fucking child, just to get me; didn’t she know best? Even if Frankie left me, I’d never be hers; I didn’t belong to anyone else but Frank.

“Get out of my house, slut. GET OUT BEFORE I FUCKING KILL YOU!” I shouted, stepping closer to her in a very maniac manner; honestly, I was already seeing red, as the will to kill her took over me, while she started to run away from me.

I was chasing her until almost the end of the hall, when, suddenly, two arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me from keeping up with my plan; the bitch got her chance to escape as the grip on my waist got tighter. As she disappeared, she took away the strength I had built to go after her, and I broke down onto those tattooed arms, that I knew belonged to my long-term lover.

Frankie didn’t even flinch when I crashed on him; he held me up with all his strength, his lips on my ear as he said sweet nothings, to calm me down. I was breathing fast, letting everything out with the unwashed tears that cascaded down my pale cheeks. I had almost lost my lover. I had almost lost the belief I had in myself. I had almost given in to her lies. I had almost lost Frank; oh, God.

“It’s okay, love… Just cry; it’s good to cry, once in a while. But, hey, remember I’m here, and I’ll always be, okay? I will never leave you, darling; I love you.” He soothed me, wiping away my tears with his sweet words and vows. “I’ll never leave you, Gee; ti amo.” He whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek afterwards.

I turned around on his arms when he left my cheek, and eagerly brought my lips up to his, in a desperate endeavor to show him how much I loved him; it was nothing but a kiss, but it was as if it held the answers to the most important questions this world had to ask.

Our kiss didn’t last forever, like I wanted to, but it was good enough to even have his lips for the tiniest of seconds; I just wanted to be sure that he was really there, and that he was never going to leave me, for real.

“Guys, come on; I feel a little like the candle in the middle of two lovers…” Mikey said, making Frankie and I leave each other’s lips to laugh a while; he surely knew how to break the awkwardness.

“Do you want me to light you up, Michael?” Frank asked, turning his head in the direction of my younger brother, but never leaving my embrace.

“Ha-ha, how funny of you, Franklin” Mikey replied, his tone holding in it the death wish he didn’t dare say aloud; he still truly hated when people called him by his full name, and I knew that was something that would never change, no matter how many time passed by.

Frank huffed, rolling his eyes as I laughed; Franklin wasn’t exactly a manly-man’s name – not that he was that manly –, so, he hated when people called him that. I put my smiley lips to his hair and planted a soft kiss there, trying to make him forget about it; it seemed to result, as he melted a little bit further into my chest and kissed my neck softly.

“I hope that bitch doesn’t come around, anymore” Frank said, still holding onto me; I was worried about making Mikey uncomfortable, so, I looked at him once and saw him already walking away.

I felt a little bad for ‘shooing’ Mikey away, but I wanted some time alone with Frank, after Ruth almost ruined my life; I wanted to be with my only love, with the person who kept me alive.
“I’ll make sure she won’t, baby” I said, pulling my face away from the top of Frankie’s head, and tilting his own head up; I started kissing him again, not wanting to leave his lips ever again, when, suddenly, an idea struck through me, and I just knew I couldn’t let it escape.

Detangling myself from Frank’s lips and from his arms, I ran upstairs and picked up the notebook I had thrown uncaringly to a corner of my room, along with a very used pen with faint ink, and instantly started writing.

The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out (we're not working out)
We're not working out (we're not working out)
And you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends
and we're not working out, we're not working out
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news I heard from waking
and it's hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
Well I'll choose this life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making
And I get a little shaken, because I live my life like this
And well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in

And you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out,
We're not working out
And you can't keep my brother, and you won't fuck my friends
and we're not working out, we're not working out
This time I mean it, never mind the times I've seen it

Never again, never, never again

(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself in me)
ne.. never... never... never again
(and you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you'll invest yourself)
ne.. never... never... oh baby let me.. oh baby... oh baby
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
I'm knocking let me in
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in
I'm knocking let me in
Oh baby let me in
Oh baby let me in!