So Far Away

Anyone who would happen to pass by Huntington Beach High School this afternoon would see a brown haired teen sitting on the front steps, her usually smiling mouth turned into a scowl. They would see her blue eyes narrowed as she stared at the ground with an unknown rage. A loud beeping caused the brunette to look up and see an SUV pulled a few feet in front of her, the driver smiling and waving.

She picked up her backpack and swung it over her shoulder as she approached the black vehicle. She tossed her backpack to the floor of the front seat before climbing in herself. She kicked the bag out of the way so she could rest her Converse clad feet on the floor. As she pulled on her seatbelt the man with spiky hair next to her sighed. “Okay. You’re in a bad mood and you got sent home on a Wednesday. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she muttered, sinking into her seat with her arms crossed over her chest. The man sighed, giving up all attempts at conversation. There was no sound – not even the sound of the radio – until the man pulled into the driveway of his home. The girl was climbing out the car before the man could even turn off his vehicle. She stormed inside with the man having to almost run after her.

“Goddamn it Jamie! What is going on with you?!” The teen, Jamie, turned on her heel as he bellowed this out. She stomped back down the two stairs she had climbed and glared up at the man who had just slammed the door shut.

“You know what Brian, my whole fucking life is wrong! My dad’s dead, my mom split and left me on your doorstep. I figured that was bad enough, but I guess to you its fine.”

“And you didn’t act like this before. What is wrong with you today?” Jamie let out a scream of frustration, running up the stairs. When the door to her room slammed shut, Brian sighed deeply. Michelle, his wife, walked in from the kitchen where she had been listening to their argument. Michelle wordless walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, Brian quickly hugging her back. After a few moments he sighed. “I don’t know what’s getting into her.”

“Well don’t you realize what today is?” Brian looked down at his wife confused. She pulled him to one of the walls of the foyer, pointing at the date on the calender. February 9th. Brian sighed, running a hand through his head.

“God I feel so stupid.”

“It’s okay. Most of us keep trying to put it in the back of our mind. It’s been four years, most of us still can’t handle it Bri.” She was right. The band had finished their album Nightmare and decided to take a break for a while after their two tours, but Jimmy’s death was still a sore spot for everyone. Since Jamie had been so old it was still something she could easily remember.

“I know, but – God Chelle. She’s only sixteen. Losing your father and your mom leaving you isn’t something a child should have to go through.”

“But as her godparents we just have to try our hardest to make her feel comfortable. It’s going to be hard on her, but there’s not much we can do.” Brian nodded, planting a kiss on his wife’s forehead. He left her as their dog Pinkly ran into the foyer. She smiled and attached the dog’s leash to her collar, calling to Brian to let him know she was going to visit her sister.

Brian trudged up the stairs and headed to Jamie’s door. He rasped on the door with his knuckles and waited. After a minute of no reply he pushed the door open. Her room was empty and the window that overlooked the oceanfront backyard was open. He sighed and headed back down the stairs to go down the hall to the backdoor. As he opened it he saw his goddaughter sitting in the sand, her bare feet getting covered from the waves coming in and out.

“Hey James.” It had been a habit ever since Jamie had been younger to call her James, even Jimmy did. Leana had been the one to name her. She found the name Jamie Olivia Sullivan to be fitting. When Jamie had gotten old enough to realize her father’s real name was the same her nickname, she joked calling themselves twins. Now she didn’t particularly like being called that since it brought back too many memories.

“You know, it’s like Mom just planned to leave me one day,” Jamie said suddenly, not looking at Brian. “She didn’t leave anything in my name or possession to bring me back to her. She eliminated everything.”

“You still have her hair color and nose.” Jamie scoffed, obviously not pleased with that. “You have her giggle too.”

“I hate my laughter,” Jamie said stubbornly with her arms crossed. That was a lie they both knew. She wasn’t very conceited – actually, none at all – but she knew that everyone enjoyed her laughter, even her. “Do you believe in God Uncle Bri?”

“Of course I do.” Brian had been raised in a Christian family. They weren’t religious enough to sacrifice all their Sundays, but they did pray and go to church during traumatic occasions. Brian practically lived in the church when Jimmy had passed. The frown that had taken Jamie’s face instead of the scowl made Brian’s next question form without his knowledge. “Do you believe?”

“I’m starting to second guess it Bri. He hasn’t been too lenient with me if He is real. He took my father and allowed my mother to leave me with consequence. Seems a little cruel, huh?”

“They never said He was perfect. He took your father because He was jealous. Didn’t I mention that before?”

“Yeah. You said He wanted Dad as the drummer for the band He was putting together. According to Corey, Paul Gray got promoted to being His bassist too,” Jamie informed. Brian smiled faintly at the mention of his friends from Slipknot. They hadn’t spent much time together since Jimmy and Paul’s passings.

“And your mother, well, she’ll get what she deserves one day.” Sixteen, seventeen years ago Brian would never even dream of saying that. But a lot of things can happen and you never know who you could wish bad things on nowadays.

“And I hope when she dies she never gets to see Daddy again,” Jamie declared quietly. Brian smiled softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her close into his side. It was quiet for a few moments as the two enjoyed the sound of the waves crashing on the sand.

“Jamie?”

“Hmm?”

“What did you do to get sent home today?” Jamie sighed, letting her head drop in shame. She was normally one to act like a bit of a class clown, but knew when to be serious. She would get a detention once in a while, but was typically a good student.

“Someone brought up Dad today. This kid Thomas. He was just like ‘Oh yeah, Jamie’s dad died today. Gunna go cry about it baby Jay?’ I tried to ignore him, I swear I did. But he just bugged me so much. Finally he tried talking shit about you guys. I punched him. He fell, but I climbed on top of him and kept punching him and punching him. I couldn’t stop.

“Mr. West – my Chemistry teacher – pulled me off of him and took me down to the office. He explained the situation to Mrs. Stewart. She decided to just let me go and she contacted you. I just stormed outside and sat on the steps. I don’t know what got into me, I really don’t.”

As she sniffled back tears, Brian took her into a tight hug. He sighed, rubbing a hand up and down her back. “That’s another thing you inherited, the old Sullivan family temper. It got your father in quite a bit of trouble back in our high school days too.”

“Uncle Brian?”

“Yeah kiddo?”

“Can you tell me about the day I was born again?” Brian smiled to himself, staring off into the ocean as he remembered that day sixteen years and some odd days ago.

“Your dad and mom were only sixteen, but so much in love. The day you were born it was a really lame day in Huntington Beach. They were both waiting rather impatient for you to come out. They knew it was within a few day span, but not really sure when. Jimmy, Matt, Zacky, and I – since Johnny hadn’t been around yet – were all at my place messing around on our instruments when your mom’s mom called.

“Jimmy instantly freaked out, yelling at us to put our shit down and get to the hospital. Since I had just recently got my license we got into my father’s SUV and floored it there. I swear my foot was on the ground the whole time.”

Jamie chuckled a bit, knowing he was probably telling the truth. Brian smiled before continuing on with his story.

“So we finally reached the hospital and your father was already running out of the vehicle before it had time to even stop. We had to literally run after your dad when he began to freak out on the staff at the hospital. He said, and I quote, ‘My girlfriend is having my fucking baby and I need to be there so she can break my hand I can be happy about it!’ The lady working at the desk looked terrified for her life.

“She did tell us where to go to get to your mother though. We went down the hall they told us and Leana’s mother told Jimmy to get in there or she was going to rip her hair out. When he opened the door all you could hear was your mother screaming for the doctor to ‘shut the fuck up’ until Jimmy got there. When Jimmy walked in she began to scream, almost covering the doctor’s voice who was telling her to push. And then it got quiet.

“Jimmy came out a few minutes later – tears streaming his face in their messy glory – and told us ‘Her name is Jamie Olivia Sullivan. I’m a daddy’. I can honestly say that I had never seen him so happy in his whole life. About twenty minutes later the doctor allowed us all inside to see you. Of course your mom was passed out, but it didn’t stop us from all holding you and talking about your beauty. Even I thought you were beautiful, and you know how I think all babies are plain and boring.”

“I know. McKenna told me about how Papa Gates told your reaction to her. You stood there and just said ‘I am not changing this thing’s diaper’,” Jamie mused. Brian grinned.

“Hey, she was the one crying and pooping all the time. There was no way I was going anywhere near her butt.” Jamie laughed a little more which made Brian chuckled a little too. “To be honest you brightened our whole lives. I think you’re what made us go through with becoming a band. To help raise you correctly and financially being unstable was enough to make all of us bust our asses.”

“That sounds like a nice thing for a group of sixteen year olds to decide,” Jamie remarked.

“Especially trouble makers like us. I mean, when your father asked Chelle and me to become your godparents I almost crapped myself. Here my best friend was asking me and the girl I had been dating for only a little while to become something to a baby. Their parents were beyond pissed, but your parents thought it was right. I think your dad knew we would be together for a long time. Otherwise he wouldn’t have trusted the two of us.”

“So you mean my parents’ pretty much blessing caused you guys to stay together?”

“Well not the only reason, but it did help a lot.” Jamie nodded, dragging a hand through the sand. Brian rested his head on top of the teen’s as the silence enveloped them again. Suddenly Jamie looked up at him.

“Can we go see Dad?” Brian frowned, unsure.

“Are you - ” Jamie cut him off before he could finish his question.

“I’m sure. I want to see him.” Brian sighed, but climbed to his feet. He held out a hand which Jamie took gratefully. They walked step in step to the backdoor and entered. As Brian locked the door and scribbled out a note to Michelle – in case she returned before them – Jamie went to fetch her flip flops. When she returned the two of them left the house wordlessly. Soon they were on the way to the cemetery in Brian’s SUV.

When they arrived Jamie trailed ahead of Brian down the familiar path. She nodded her hellos to the Temsons, the Sylvias, and the few Stones that led the way to the only Sullivan in this graveyard. She sat down in front of the plaque on the ground cross legged, running a hand on the words on the grave. The words on his tombstone were something she could say in her sleep. She always read them once when she would visit on his birthday, her birthday, Christmas, Father’s day, and his death day.

“'Beloved brother, son, best friend. James Owen Sullivan. 1981 to 2009. Jimmy jumped into life and never touched bottom',” Jamie recited with a kind of pride in her voice. Her blue eyes unwillingly pooled with tears and she let out a shaky breath. It was quite for a few minutes before she began to sing her favorite song. Granted it was one from Avenged Sevenfold, but it only seemed fitting.

“How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book its burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say, but you’re so far away.”

Jamie’s voice broke on the last line, much as it always had. Brian placed a hand on her shoulder to silently tell her it was time to leave. Jamie stood and hugged him tightly, burying her face into his chest. Brian looked at the grave of his best friend with his silent, best wishes. He led Jamie down the path to head back to his car. Just then he saw someone standing a few feet away. He looked with narrowed eyes to see a faint smile on the dark figure. Soon the person was gone just as quickly as they had appeared. He shook his head, unsure of what he saw.

“What?” He looked down to see Jamie staring the way he had been staring.

“Nothing James. Let’s go get some candy and settle down with some home videos, huh? How does that sound kiddo?” Jamie smiled, an exact replica of Jimmy’s smile.

“I think Dad would appreciate it.” Brian planted a kiss on her forehead before wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked back to his car.

“You’re right Jamie, he would.”