Walking Contradiction

We're silent as I digest what I've just been told. He tries to gauge my reaction but I can't look at him right now, I need to think clearly here. He...stole me?How is that even possible? I mean how could you steal a person who doesn't even know she's getting stolen?

"Why?" I finally ask.

"Because, well, I don't know. I just saw you, saw your red hair, your blue eyes, your smile and I just melted. I had to know you, I had to have you," Hes blushing now. I chew my bottom lip in thought. In a way its so wrong its ridiculous but then again, I'm so relieved its not even funny. So not funny that I actually start laughing. He looks at me with a crooked smile, not understanding why I'm laughing.

"I'm so relieved! I mean I've, well I've always thought y'know that you were a good looking guy and stuff but then to think that way when you were supposed to be my adoptive father was driving me nuts! How the hell did you steal me by the way?" I ask and he laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I maybe paid off your social workers and made a generous donation to your school?" He strains and my jaw drops.

"You bought me?"

"No, no well yes in a way but no it's not like that!"

"You dick you totally bought me!" I fume and push him away.

"Agh, no, no I didn't buy you at all, I would've sent you back if you weren't happy and you seem happy y'know?"

"What the hell? Send me back? Like an unwanted gift you total dick," I'm shaking with anger now.

"Not at all - oh for christ's sake!" he exasperates and grabs my shoulders, kissing me. Just like that my anger ebbs away and all I can think about is that he's kissing me. His lips are soft and his breath is warm on my face. He pulls away and hugs me tightly, his hand on the back of my head.

"I'm sorry," is all he says into my neck and I smile.

"That is the smartest thing you've said yet," I hug him tightly.

"Can we eat now? Cause I swear my stomach is about to start digesting itself," I say and he laughs lightly.

"Come on, lets pick something for dinner," He takes my hand and leads me downstairs to the kitchen.

"Do we have to cook? I mean come on dude, I'm starving and I so can't be bothered," I moan and he looks at me sternly.

"Your first meal here will be homemade not pizza,"

"Ugh you suck," I flop down at the kitchen table.

"Also you gotta stop kissing me dude, it's uncool,"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well you're totally toying with my emotions here,"

"I'm not toying with your emotions,"

"I think you'll find that you are. Stealing random kisses, pinning me up against the bunker, teasing me... I am not and I won't ever be some guys quick fuck no matter how hot he is," I say and he turns to me his eyes ablaze in anger. Oh shit.

"You think I brought you here for a quick fuck? Theres is millions of other girls I could've got that from, you stupid, stupid girl!" He shouts at me and I shrink back, feeling my bottom lip quiver.

"Well try and see it from my point of view," I mumble and he sighs, exasperated.

"You are not just a quick fuck Rosie, you are something totally different. You're the first girl in this house that wasn't my mom or my sisters,"

"Yeah right,"

"Rosie goddamnit would you quit making me out to be a total man whore! I'm not like that, I've had my share of that and I've had enough, I want-, I want more,"

"Well look somewhere else buster, I like you but I hardly know you! The way you act with me is totally wrong and it's not fair on my fucking sanity, can we not at least I dunno, like you could at least ask me on a date!" I explode and he looks at me surprise written all over his face. He slumps at the table next to me and puts his head in his hands.

"I've done this all wrong haven't I?" He asks and timidly I reach out and rub his back.

"No you haven't but how about we start again? I'm Rose," I hold out my hand and he lifts up his head forcing a smile.

"Billie Joe," he says and we shake. Good thats better. I'm glad I've put my point across. I still want to fuck his brains out but I need to have some more integrity than that.

"You know what, I'll call Mike and Tre, tell them to bring pizza home," He smiles at me and a weight of guilt thumps in the bottom of my stomach.

"No, nope we'll make dinner, you and me, it could be like a first date or something," I mumble the end and blush. I peek up at him and he's grinning.

"That sounds great actually, ugh why didn't I think of that?" He says and we smile at one another. We get up and rake through the fridge and come up with spaghetti bolognese for dinner. I'm chopping onions while hes browning the mince and getting tins of tomatoes opened and we peek at eachother sharing a smile.

"So other than Green Day what else do you like?"

"Oh lots really. Rory Gallagher, The Pixies, The Sex Pistols, Travis, The Pretty Reckless, Joan Jett... hell lots of music really,"

"Huh, total respect for knowing Rory Gallagher, that mans a legend,"

"D'you know Jimi Hendrix was once asked what it was like to be the greatest guitar player in the world and Jimi said I dunno ask Rory Gallagher,"

"Fuck off,"

"No totally serious dude!" We grin at eachother, stuff in common awesome!

"Could I ask you a really intimate question?" He asks, biting his lip slightly. Oh god, what the hell is he going to ask me?

"Easy tiger, not too personal right?"

"Yeah no, well it is a little bit personal, well a lot personal,"

"Ugh ok, but then I get to ask you an equally personal question,"

"Deal. Are you, I mean, like, ugh, are you still a virgin?" I stiffen, I wasn't expecting that question.

"Thats none of your business," I snap, viciously chopping the onions.

"Ok, ok sorry," he says and I pick up my chopping board scraping the onion into the pot of mince. Theres now a horribly awkward silence and it's all my fault. I'm not ready to answer that question, I doubt I ever will be.

"Whats your favourite bands?" I sigh and he stops thinking for a second.

"Hard to say theres just so many but definitely the Pixies is one," he says and I smile at him, chopping some mushrooms now.

"I didn't mean to snap at you," I whisper and he comes over to wrap his arms around my waist but stops, instead giving my arm a squeeze.

"It's alright, you're right it was a very personal question and it was rude of me to invade your privacy like that," He says softly and I swallow hard, concentrating on decimating the garlic now next to the mushrooms on the chopping board. He accepts my unwillingness to talk about it and goes back to the bolognese adding tomato puree and some other seasonings. It's deathly quiet again, again because of me. Ugh I'm such a space cadet. I take over the chopping board and add the mushrooms and garlic, using the edge of the knife to scrape it in. Billie gives it a good stir while I wash the dishes and he puts the lid on, turning it down to a simmer. I finish washing up and dry my hands. God its so awkward now! I sneak a look at him and oh no, he looks as guilty as sin. I give in to my needs and grab him, pulling him in for a tight hug.

"Sorry," I whisper and he squeezes me tightly

"You've nothing to be sorry for," he whispers back and we part, smiling at eachother.

"So, bolognese won't be ready for at least another hour, whatcha wanna do?" He asks and I tilt my head,

"Um I'm not sure I guess- oh!" I grab his hand as all the lights go out.

"It's alright Rosie it's probably just the fuse box, wait here," he pats my hand and I grip the worktop hard. Well at least the cookers gas so we can still eat. Billie comes back and he must be able to sense my discomfort because he comes over and squeezes my hand.

"It's a power cut, but don't worry it should come back on soon and I've got candles, I'll go get some and we can sit and have a joint and stuff," I nod stiffly and feel for the kitchen table, finding the back of a chair and sitting. I'm not scared of the dark, I can't sleep if theres any light in my room but I don't like pitch dark when I have no control, it's wrong. It puts me back into a frame of mind that I never want to be in ever again.

"Hey its ok Rose," Billie Joe comes in and dumps a load of candles on the table. He rubs my shoulder and I realise I'm shaking. He sets about lighting the candles, small tealights across the bunkers and a big yankee candle in the middle of the table.

"Are you- you scared of the dark?" Billie asks, moving his chair round close to mine. I'm thankful yet terrified of his close proximity.

"I um, no I'm not scared of the dark," I say lamely and in the candlelight I see him raise an eyebrow at me.

"It's complicated," I shrug and he nods, taking my hand in his.

"Is this ok? I mean dyou need more candles?" He asks and I smile nodding.

"Its fine, I'm fine really," I say he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Is um this ok?" He asks and looks down at our hands.

"Of course it is, its our first date, hand holding is totally allowed," I laugh and he grins at me. He rubs his thumb across my knuckles and its wonderfully reassuring.

"Y'know I could really go a drink," I say and he salutes getting out his chair, I stifle a giggle and he turns to a tall glass cabinet and opens it with a flourish.

"Alright I'm stocked like a bar here what can I get you?"

"Um, I dunno, how about a nice strong bourbon," I say and he raises an eyebrow.

"What? Do girls not drink bourbon on your planet?" I ask and he laughs getting two square Jim Bean glasses and the bottle of Mr Bean himself.

He sets the bottle on the table and fills a bucket from under the sink with ice. I help myself to two lumps and set two in his glass. I crack open the bottle and it's rich spicy smell fills my nostrils. I pour us a double and he moves his chair so hes sat across from me.

"Well heres to a first date," He says and we chink our glasses. I take a small sip and can't help noticing Billie Joe taking a big gulp. Okay then... I top his glass back up to a double and he nods his thanks. I take another sip, a bigger one this time and look across at him. Hes staring into his glass, pushing the ice around with his finger tip.

"Billie?" I place a hand on his and he looks up forcing a smile.

"Mr Armstrong, you better tell me whats up," I give him my sternest look but it just makes him laugh. Ugh okay so I can see that only giving puppy eyes is gonna get me anything in this relationship... Not fair.

"Ah Miss Bowie, I was just thinking of how I almost monumentally fucked everything up, how it would be just another thing to my list of fuck ups,"

"Oh Billie Joe, you and I are fine now you know that, I wouldn't be here if you had totally fucked this up which by the way you haven't. I mean there really is no good or bad way of saying I bough- bribed my way into getting you," I say and he looks up at me, grimacing slightly. I gulp down my bourbon and pour myself another. He gulps his down too and treats me to one of his cute crooked smiles as I fill his glass. I guess, I could just tell him yes or no. It wouldn't do any harm, right?

"The answers no," I say and his head shoots up

"What?"

"I'm not, I'm not a virgin," I mumble.

"Oh, ohh, oh. God for a second I thought you were saying no to y'know us,"

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"Why would it? I'm not a virgin,"

"I know but..."

"Pfft I tell you once I'm gonna tell you again, I don't care, I was just curious,"

"Oh. I'm sorry you got damaged goods,"

"Rose! Don't be so stupid," He grabs my hand and I peek at him from under my fringe.

"If its anything, you're the first guy I ever kissed," I whisper and I swear his jaw hits the ground.

"You're serious?" He asks a cheesy grin spreading across his face and I giggle, nodding. He goes to get up and changes his mind, squeezing hand tight and rubbing his thumb back and forth across my knuckles. I smile shyly at him and he just grins back. I stretch across the table and kiss his cheek, his stubble surprising soft. He gives me another grin as I sit back and I take another sip of my drink. He does the same, a smaller gulp than before which is good. Oh lordy hes got me good. I just can't say no to him. Its like my brain is programmed to not to do as he tells me but just make him happy. Kisses and hugs make him happy.

"Alright, we made a deal what do you wanna know?" He says and sits back in his chair, ready for interrogation. I think hard and when I come to what I want to ask, it makes my stomach churn. Oh god don't hate me. I read in a magazine a couple of years ago, that he was engaged to a girl and that they were happy together and were planning their wedding and just suddenly he was single again, getting blind drunk and taking his pick of the girls.

"What happened between you and that girl?" I ask and he stiffens, averting his eyes to his drink. He takes a gulp and stares into the melting ice.

"She loved drugs and so did I. She loved booze and so did I. But both those things in high doses make for a volatile relationship," he murmurs and I press my hand on his arm.

"It's ok you don't have to go into detail, I didn't either," I say and smile reassuringly, trying to catch his eye.

"No its alright, it would be nice to tell someone." He takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye.

"It was one night at a hotel party, we'd had a lot to drink, a lot to smoke and a lot of pills. There was this guy, she kept flirting with him. Like right in front of me y'know? But that wasn't what tipped me over the edge, I mean people flirt all the time, I'm hardly gonna totally lose it over her flirting with some jackass. So I left it, thinking everything was fine. It was later into the night that something clicked in my brain. Since I'd proposed I'd never once seen her wear the ring. So I confronted her and due to all the drugs and booze she ended up spilling her guts. She told me the truth. She had a boyfriend and she was just with me for some money for their wedding. I felt like I'd been winded. She started crying and saying how sorry she was, that she'd already sold the ring and spent the money on their new apartment, that she was desperate. I felt like my heart literally broke in two. I don't really remember what happened after that, I was just gone. All I know is when I woke up in the morning my hotel room was trashed, fist shaped holes in the walls, furniture broken and torn. I apparently also gave her boyfriend, the jackass she'd been flirting with, the beating of a lifetime after he called me sad pathetic excuse of a man," He sighs deeply, taking my hand away from him. He pours another drink and quickly downs it, refilling his glass again.

"So go on, call me all the names under the sun, that I'm a terrible person, tell me you're leaving blah, blah, blah," he mumbles the last blah and I get up and stand in front of him. He stares into the bottom of his glass and he visibly flinches when I speak.

"Billie Joe Armstrong, you are such a drama queen," I say and he looks up at me as I pull my chair round to as close as possible to his chair.

"What that girl did to you was horrific, seriously thats like the worst thing you can do to someone, and users like that certainly don't deserve to ruin your life. Like you said drugs and drink make a bad concoction for a relationship if that was what it was built on. But y'know I don't think you were wrong in anyway, I mean you could've maybe not trashed the place and beat up that guy but you were feeling like you were literally breaking. I know what thats a like and there's always casualties in times like those. I'm not leaving you Billie Joe, I, I really like you," I smile shyly at him and he looks deep in my eyes and I feel like a deer in headlights, hes got me pinned with his stare. Hes searching for any tell tale signs that I'm lying or just saying what he wants to hear. His eyes soften as he finds no betrayal of feelings to words. He closes his eyes and swallows visibly.

"Rosie? I know that a lot of people don't kiss on the first date but please, may I kiss you?" He asks and I wait for him to look at me before nodding, a small smile on my lips. His hand glides up my neck, cupping my jaw and he pulls me slowly in. I put my hands on his shoulders and his other hand flows up into my hair. He holds my face close, eyes closed, my forehead pressed on his, his breath lingering on my lips. He tilts my head to the side slightly, using his hand on my jaw and finally presses his lips to mine. Oh god its the sweetest and most lingering kiss. I practically melt into his hands. He doesn't try to slip his tongue in, instead just pressing his lips lightly, turning my head a slightly different angle and kissing me softly again. He does this for about 5 minutes and I give myself to him wholeheartedly. He was good enough to tell me the truth and the full story, how could I not just give myself up? He's so refreshing, like mountain water. He lets me go finally and I feel that I don't want him to stop. That was the most amazing kiss I'd ever had and I didn't want it to stop.