Walking Contradiction

He did stop and even though I tried to pull him back in, he pushes me away.

"Rosie we're sticking to the rules on this one, your rules. You matter to me and I want to do this right," he says softly gently pulling my arms from round his neck. I get up switching the bolognese off and ladelling some into two bowls. I grab 2 forks and push a bowl to Billie who wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"You will eat this Billie Joe, I know you haven't eaten today," I sit down to mine and he pulls a face.

"You wanna know one of my rules? You can't live off of drink, you will eat with me twice a day," I raise my eyebrow and purse my lips to let him know I mean it. He picks up his fork and starts to slowly eat the bolognese. I smile at him.

"Thank you otherwise you'll make me feel like a fat bitch," I say and start eating my dinner too.

"Pfft as if, you're just perfect for me," He says matter of factly and I blush. Aww he really is so sweet. As we're eating I replay all the events that have gone by today. I kissed my first boy. I mean I've been kissed by many boys and they've been pushed away but I've never willingly on purpose kissed a boy. It makes me smile and have a little giggle to myself.

"Whats so funny?" Billie asks eager I can see to get in on the joke.

"Its nothing special, just, I kissed my first boy today," I smile shyly and I see him about to get out his chair again, to give me some kind of fuss and settling for a pat on the hand.

"Billie Joe, you don't have to not hug me or give me little kisses," I laugh and he gets up laughing nervously and kisses my cheek. I shake my head, smiling and take our plates away. He ate all of his, yes! I grin heading back to the table and give him a thumbs up.

"You be good for me and I'll be good for you Armstrong," I say and he grins,

"You're already good for me, you just need my badness to balance us out," and I roll my eyes. Men. I yawn and stretch, feeling stiff.

"Hey d'you wanna go to bed?" He asks and the first thought in my head is nope! Strange house, strange room in pitch dark that I can't control, on my own? You're asking the wrong gal here Armstrong!

"I'm ok here but if you want to go to bed I understand, I'll just stay and chill a while." He smirks at me and pours me another. I take the papers from the middle of the table and start skinning up. I need a bit of nicotine thrown in so I make it half grass, half tobacco taken from one of Billie Joe's cigarettes.

"Rosie, what dyou do? Like your hobbies?" ugh not the hobbies!

"Okay, um I love to draw, doodling is my thing, I like to write, songs, poetry the usual stuff. I also, ugh, if you make fun I will kill you... I also do ballet," I feel a blush burning in my cheeks.

"Seriously? Ballet? Thats fucking amazing!" He says and I laugh, shaking my head.

"Yeah well there was free lessons when I was a kid and I just kinda fell in love with it,"

"D'you still do it?"

"Yeah, I do sometimes, I like to make up my own stories to songs doing it," He looks at me surprised.

"Will you show me?"

"Ew no, don't be silly," I laugh and he pouts.

"You're mean,"

"Nuh - uh!"

"Ye - huh!"

"Nuh - uh!" I shout at him and we listen to it echo through the house, bursting into fits of giggles.

"Hey hows about some music?" He asks grinning and I clap my hands, grinning like a fool.

"Be right back," He grabs a candle and heads to the living room bringing back an acoustic guitar. My jaw falls open.

"Are you going to play for me?" I ask and he just winks.

"How else would we get music?" He asks and sets about tuning it. Oh my gosh, an intimate acoustic gig, just me and Billie Joe Armstrong, I'm dead, I must be! I'm almost hyperventilating with excitement and he must see it in my eyes when he looks at me. He strums a few stings and then looks at me with a blank expression.

"What d'you want me to play?" He asks and oh god my mind goes blank! Em, em, I feel through the songs in my marking them off. Nope, no, niet, nein, yes!

"Alison by Elvis Costello," I breathe and he smiles, beginning to play.

"Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl.
And with the way you look I understand
that you are not impressed.
But I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you've been loving somebody.
I only know it isn't mine.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.

Well I see you've got a husband now.
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying
in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand.
I'll bet he took all he could take.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
cause I can't stand to see you this way.

Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
My aim is true." I can't take my eyes off him and tears sting my eyes. I love, love that song! He smiles at me when he's done and I clap wildly to which he laughs, running a hand through his shaggy hair. Oh god hes gorgeous, heart melted or what!

"Here let me play you this one," He says, taking a quick sip of his bourbon and a sneaky draw of the doobie. I have the cheesiest grin on my face right now! I'm so chuffed, Billie Joe Armstrong playing just for me! I sip my drink some more and top up our glasses, taking a long toke.

"Ok here goes, see what you think," I grin at him and he shakes his head laughing.

"I've been waiting a long time for this moment to come I'm destined for anything at all," I sigh, propping my head up on elbows, watching him intently. He's beautiful he really is. Yes he has imperfections but thats what make him on the whole perfect. Alright I owe him my ballet. He's done everything for me I need to give him something back. When he stops I clap enthusiastically and kiss his cheek.

"Oh Billie Joe you are so wonderful," I sigh and he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well I need a good audience," he says and I just roll my eyes, grinning at him.

"You are something else Billie Joe, I mean you're so beautiful," I gush and he starts to blush, turning his face away to sip his drink.

"Hey I mean it Billie, you really are," I take his face in my hands and he rubs his cheek against my hand, kissing my palm.

"Another, please?" I beg and he groans, smiling.

"Am I gonna be here all night?" He asks and I shrug.

"Maybe, I'm sorry that I can't help but be addicted to you," I say and he looks like hes just been told he's won the lottery.

"Here goes then," He breaks into 'She' and I sprawl my top half across the table, watching him dreamily. He closes his eyes a lot when he sings, only looking at his guitar now and then, but his long lashes brush his cheekbones, his mouth forming the words with precision. His shaggy hair swishes back and forth as his head bobs along in time with the music and I'm overwhelmed with my need for him. One day? Is that all it takes? To tumble over and down into, well into an addiction?

"Oh Billie Joe, you've done it now," I whisper but he doesn't hear me, he's so intent in playing me music, lacing one song into another. I'll pay for this addiction, I'll pay a heavy ransom but right now I'm so high I couldn't care if it cost my life.