If Looks Could Kill, I'd Be Dead

Sascha

What was that sound? It was horrible, causing my head to pound worse. I hated the feeling like this, which is why I never decided to get this drunk at normal parties. My thighs were aching and my back was stiff, none of that was as bad as the head-splitting ache I was feeling.

I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes, trying to block out any rays of the sun, but that was a pathetic and futile attempt. I slowly woke up, turning over on the bed, away from the window. The sheets rubbing against my naked skin-.

Naked skin?!

I shot up, the migraine just getting all the worse, but I was confused beyond anything. I sat up straight, my heart pounding in my chest.

What the fuck happened last night? Did I seriously lose my virginity at a party? How drunk was I last night.

At least I topped since I didn’t feel any back pain. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had been fucked by some ignorant guy who didn’t even care that he just took my virginity...

I looked over to my side, feeling sweaty and disgusting beyond anything. I didn’t like being dirty and I guess I didn’t shower after ‘sex’ so I was still sweaty and I felt greasy, but that didn’t matter, because I was far too curious to know who the hell I had just slept with, while being heavily intoxicated.

I saw long black locks... weird, I didn’t know any guy with that long hair. As though the person could read my mind, the guy turned around, still snuggled deeply under the blanket, a groan coming from their lips. His face turned around to me and I couldn’t help and let out a loud scream and flailed, falling backwards onto the floor.

What the fuck happened last night? Why was I naked in bed with my best friend who is a girl! I was gay, I was sure of that 100%, boobs and vaginas freaked me out! So why was I naked with my best friend in a bed after a night of heavy drinking?

Was I a straight drunk?

I heard her groan again and I looked up over the side of the bed to see Theta slowly wake from her slumber as well, holding her head, grumbling something about damn hangovers, but I completely forgot about my headache and just stared at her, completely shocked.

I must have been smashed to sleep with my best friend...

She looked down and seemed completely confused as well.

I found my boxers on the floor and pulled them on before standing up and looking over at Theta. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at me. A yelp escaped her lips.

I blushed and sat down on the bed, cradling my head in my hands. I didn’t understand what I did. I mean she was my best friend... and we slept together... this was so weird and... just...

“What the hell?” she asked me, “What did we do yesterday?!”

I looked over and shrugged, “I have no clue... we were pretty plastered though. I just remember booze, music and dancing...”

She looked just as confused and winced at the headache she must have had. I closed my eyes and tried to get the pain to go away, but this was one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. This was why I didn’t ever get drunk.

I did stupid shit, I had hangovers and I ended up regretting the stupid shit I did!

“Let’s just... uhm... get some painkillers... and put clothes on.” Theta whispered, a blush across her cheeks. She looked just as shocked as I felt.

I found my pants and squeezed into them quickly, grabbed my green plaid shirt and buttoned it closed and pulled my shoes on as well as quick as I could.

Never before had I felt so weird and uncomfortable around Theta, even after she kissed me did I feel this weird. I mean, she never knew I was gay until then so I didn’t blame her, but I guess I’d always assumed I would lose my virginity to my boyfriend not my best friend.

I was still wondering how the hell it all happened. I mean I knew it wasn’t forced on either of us since we didn’t have ‘defensive’ bruises or whatever the hell you called it. I don’t think I would confuse her for a guy, because Theta looked nothing like a guy.

Just thinking about it all, trying to figure it out, gave me a even worse headache.

We walked downstairs to the kitchen, where there were a few kids still passed out on tables and two girls spooning on the floor. God, that must be so damn uncomfortable. I knew what it felt like on this kitchen floor since I’ve passed out here a few times before.

I got Theta and I some painkillers and two glasses filled with water from the tap. I gulped my medicine down quickly, wanting the horrible headache to go away or not.

“Want to bounce..?” I asked her, not daring to look her in the eyes, a cold shiver running down my spine.

I felt weird, not disgusted, just weird. Like I needed some space to digest what happened, because it was clear to the both of us, that last night we made a mistake, that both of us slept together. I had sex with my best friend.

We got to the car, me in the drivers’ seat, her in the passenger seat. We didn’t talk, tension building between us. Both of us were just thinking, in our own heads, working over the information and trying to keep the headache at bay.

“You coming over?” she asked me.

I smiled and shook my head, “Nah, I need to clean up the, uhm... basement.” She knew I was lying, but I didn’t want to tell her I needed to think and be by myself. I needed a walk, needed fresh air and something just to clear my head.

I pulled into my driveway, parked the car and walked up into my room to go and take a nice long shower to just try and forget what I had done.

I put the water as warm as was bearable and scrubbed at my skin, scrubbing all the grease and the dirt off from the party. I hated feeling sweaty, and I had sweat from other people at the party on me, and my own sweat.

The hot water managed to make me feel slightly more relaxed and let me think clearly, the pain killers working as well now, letting the headache drift away, only a memory.

I put on some clothes, pulling my jacket over my shoulder and just walked outside into the fresh air of midday. It was Saturday, meaning I had until Monday to figure everything out. It was so awkward in the car, neither Theta or I knowing what to say to one another or even acknowledging the fact that we indeed slept together.

Sleeping with a girl... was I that desperate for sex? What if she hated me now? God I’m so fucking selfish, I’ve only been thinking of myself, but what about her? I mean sex was a huge deal for girls, to lose their virginity and all that. Which girl wanted to lose hers to her gay best friend?

Oh shit... She must hate me and not want anything to do with me now. I’m so stupid I should get an idiocy award and all that! I was so selfish and completely retarded, I didn’t even ask her if she was alright.

I sighed and sat down on a park bench around 10 blocks from my house. I didn’t even realize I’d walked this far in my suburban surroundings. It all looked the same, the houses close together, the little kids playing outside, happy and laughing.

Yeah wait until all of you are teenagers, then you’ll be sleeping with your best friends at parties...

Why the hell did I even do that to her? To us?! I mean it must be my fault, I was more of a risk taker, someone who decides things not her, so it must have been my brilliant idea to sleep with her and since we were both intoxicated it just seemed right...

What a fucking joke...

Well let’s just hope that my idiocy didn’t so much as kill our friendship. I couldn’t stand to lose her. I loved Theta, she was my best friend, the one I could tell everything to and I couldn’t live without her. I didn’t want to live without her.

God I’m such an idiot.