If Looks Could Kill, I'd Be Dead

Theta

I’m starting to get cold just swinging there. My drink is long gone and the chill of winter approaching has taken over summer’s heat. I shiver, wrapping my arms closer around myself.

I pick up my ginormous heels and take them with me as I walk back to that little garden. I sit on the edge of the fountain. The water looks beautiful, reflecting the lights of the fountain. There’s a few little koi fish swimming around in the water.

I smile, watching the little fish swim around, chasing each other. They’re so simple, so carefree. They make me happy, for some odd reason. My smile slowly fades as I take a look around the small garden.

There is foliage everywhere. Tall grass lines the stone pathways, a few tufts of smaller grass growing in the cracks of the stones that make up the path here and there. Tall trees frame the area that I’m in now, their bushy branches shrouding the area in yellow, orange, and red leaves. The pretty purple flowers are almost dead, but there’s a sort of beauty in them.

The place is so magical. With the light of the moon, the reflection of the fountain, the small koi fish, and the song of the breeze rustling the leaves all around me, it’s just so beautiful. This little garden, it’s just so… lovely. I smile again, despite my melancholy mood. I suppose I just wish that I had someone to share this enchanting place with… Loren.

I sigh, and run the tips of my fingers over the water. The koi fish swim away, going to play elsewhere. I chuckle a bit; story of my life. Everyone always leaves me for someone better.

I’m actually really lucky. I’ve never really thought about it before, but Sascha has stuck with me all of these years. When everyone else has come and gone, just stayed in my life for a mere season, Sascha has been with me through everything. Even after that unmentionable incident! He’s been so faithful, even when the unthinkable happened. That’s how… devoted he is to me.

I almost want to cry. Sascha is with the one he likes tonight.

Ah, fuck it. I’m just going to call whatever this is love. Camden and Sascha are going to be in love. Sascha is definitely into Camden, but it’s only a matter of time before Camden falls for Sascha. Sasch is just a very enticing person.

And me? Am I in love? What is love anyways? I can most definitely admit that I like Loren, but love? That’s an entirely new concept for me. I’ve never been in love before. I have no idea what to expect when it comes to love.

Perhaps it’s just that British charm. And his looks, oh his looks. That boy is beautiful. And, his lovely accent, the way he speaks… yeah, that’s probably just it.

He’s something new, something interesting. Maybe once he’s not as new, per se, I won’t like him like I do anymore.

Yet something in my mind tells me differently. I just like everything about him. Gah, he’s so good looking. And he knows it, too. He uses it to his advantage. But he’s not an asshole about it. He’s just comfortable with the way he is. He’s witty and charming and he’s definitely got me reeled in. I’m not sure if he knows.

We talk, but I’m not sure that I get him the way he gets me. I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve, but even though he’s pretty open with things, I still don’t really know where I stand with him because he flirts with everyone.

Sure he flirts with me, but I just feel like our relationship is just… different. I’m almost sure he doesn’t talk about the things he talks about with me with Tiffany other people. Why would he tell them about Lyn? About what happened with Camden? I don’t even know…

Dare I say that I’m special to him?

As soon as I think that, I disregard that thought. Special? Me? Hah, that’s real funny. I’m nothing special. There’s Tiffany, gorgeous, hot Tiffany with the perfect body. He has every girl at his choosing, Theta. Why would he choose you?

A tear drips down my cheek as I swirl my fingers in the water. It’s warmer water. There must be a heater in there for the fish or something like that. I wipe my cheeks with my other hand and will myself to stop crying. I’m being pathetic and stupid. I can’t cry over one person like this. I just can’t… or else I’ll fall apart.

I sit there for a long time, or at least what feels like a long time, lost in my thoughts. I delve into the depths of my mind, pulling out random memories, some with Sascha, some with Loren, just to make me happy. I don’t want to sit here wallowing in self pity, but that’s just how it goes.

I want something to drink. You know, I don’t even like alcohol that much. Seriously, I hate beer. It’s just gross and I refuse to drink it. Margaritas are good, some of those really girly drinks are good… I do like my blueberry Smirnoff. But honestly, I’d rather have a Brisk Iced Tea or an Arizona tea beverage than an alcoholic beverage.

I sigh. I’d actually like a nice coffee in the coolness of the air. My fingers are turning pruny, so I take them out and just sit there, staring at the stars in the night sky and craving a stupid cup of coffee.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Loren noticed I was missing and found me out here, sitting alone? He would ask how I was and I’d tell him I’m feeling… cold. Yeah, just cold. And he’s wrap his arms around me and tell me it’s okay, that he’s warm me up. I’d smile and then he’d smile back at me, and-

Someone touches my shoulder. I jump a bit, a gasp coming from my throat. Is my wish coming true?!

Then, I hear a loud giggle coming from the person that grabbed my shoulder. I look at the small, pale hand resting there, and smile.

“Camden, what are you doing out here?” I ask, pleasantly surprised. I’m wishing Loren was here, and actually half expected him to come. I chuckle inwardly at myself. Why did I even think he’d come?

“Sassscha told me to look for… yeh.” He slurs, wobbling to the side. His voice is unnaturally loud. And he touched me.

Whoa.

Camden touched me, first. He never touches anyone, except his brother, or Sascha sometimes, first.

“He c-couldn’t find yeh.” he continues, sitting on the fountain next to me. He wobbles unsteadily to the side and almost falls in. I catch him before he does, and pull him closer to me so he won’t fall in later. “N-none of usss could. So we went to look for yeh.” Loren, too? He smiles. “And I found yeh!” a round of giggles come from the small boy.

I take a look at him, really look at him. He’s crossing his legs in the short dress. His legs are really accentuated by the stockings. His pale face is beautiful. He’s just Camden.

“I’m glad you found me, Camden.” I smile as well. He looks at me then, turns up his pretty face and stares at me with his lovely blue eyes.

“Wha’s wrong, Theta?” he asks me, sounding strangely sober.

“Oh? Uh, nothing.” I plaster a really fake smile on my face.

“Then why are yeh out here all by yehself?” he asks knowingly.

“I-uh, well… um.” I stutter. He caught me. I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just a little sad.”

“Hm…” He thinks. “But it’s yeh birfday. Yeh can’t be sad on yeh birfday.”

“Yeah.” A real smile comes on my face. “I guess I don’t need to be sad. Here, let’s sit down on the ground.” I help him sit with his back against the fountain on the stones. But instead, he comes closer to me and cuddles up against my side, wrapping his thin arms around my waist.

Geez, Camden gets really touchy and talkative when he’s drunk.

“Are yeh sad because of me brotha?” Camden asks.

“What?! Oh, no, HAHAHA. WHY WOULD I BE SAD OVER HIM?” I bite my lip. I think that was said a bit too enthusiastically. Camden looks up at me knowingly, a gleam in his pretty blue eyes.

“Okay, Theta.” He smirks. But then he suddenly becomes serious. He runs a fragile hand over the fabric of my dress. “Yeh know…” he thinks a moment. “I think Loren fancies yeh. Perhaps not romantically, yet. But I know yeh special to him, even if he’s not interested in you… yet. He thinks yeh brilliant and he talks about yeh a lot.” A smile breaks across my face.

“Really, Camden?” I ask, excitedly.

“Really.” He says as he snuggles deeper into me.

Hm… I process what Camden said, ruminating over it in my mind. Geez, that boy’s got it all figured out. He’s rather smart; so wise... I rest my cheek on the top of his head and wrap my arms around his thin waist.

After a while of cuddling, Camden says, “Oh, hey. We should go back inside now, yeah?” He’s doesn’t sound as drunk as he was before.

“Okay, let’s go.” I smile and we stand up. I slip into my shoes, feeling more confident than before, and we start to walk back to the house. About halfway there, Camden takes my hand and grins at me.

God, he’s so cute! I wish he was my little brother.

There’s a few drunk guys out on the porch, sort of in the way.

“Excuse me.” I say politely, trying to sneak by them without them noticing, Camden holding onto my hand tightly.

“Look wha’ we ‘ave here.” One drunk dude slurs.

“Two pretty lesbians.” another says.

“Hah, we could have some fun with these two.” The last says. Little do they know that Camden is a boy.

One of them reaches out to touch Camden’s thigh and he squeaks.

“Get. The fuck. Away. From. Her.” I growl, lifting my foot and threatening the guy with my impressive four inch heel. Yes, I called Camden a "her" just so that I didn't stir up any more trouble. I was already pissed and correcting the bastards wouldn't do anything, really. No one is going to touch this beautiful boy without a fight from me.

“Whoa…” he says and pulls back his hand.

“Assholes.” I mutter, putting Camden in front of me, resting my hands on his waist to guide him forward. I shoot the drunks a glare before we’re safely in the house.

“Thank you, Theta.” Camden turns around and hugs me when we’re inside, his lower lip forming a cute little pout.

“You’re welcome.” I say, stroking his hair a bit. Those guys really scared the shit out of him.

“There you guys are!” I look up at my best friend's voice. Sascha comes up and puts his arms around both of us, making a Camden sandwich. “Where were you?” Sascha asks me over Camden's shoulder.

“I was sitting in that little garden, by the fountain.” I reply.

“That’s where yeh were?” I hear Loren’s voice and look up. “I should ‘ave known.” He says with a smile.

“Oh, well…” I trail off, not knowing what to say.

“Loren!” Camden calls, breaking away from us to go to his brother. Sascha leaves an arm around me and the other falls to his side. “Guess what!” Camden says excitedly.

“What?” Loren says.

“Theta saved meh from scary drunk people!” he exclaims. Um…

“She did?” he gives me a questioning, yet impressed look. “Really…?”

“Yeah! One of them wanted to touch meh.” he shudders. “But then, she stuck her foot out and was going to squash his hand. It was blooming ace!”

“Oh…” Loren looks at me and smiles. He comes over, and Sascha backs away. Loren takes me in his arms. “Thank you, Theta.” He says quietly in my ear. I hear him, regardless of the loud music all around us. I hear him loud and clear.

“Y-you’re welcome.” I say, feeling proud and blushing.

“Yee!” Camden throws his arms around us, not even able to touch his hands on the other side. We chuckle. Sascha comes up behind Camden and keeps his arms flush with the smaller boy’s arms. I see Camden blush, even though we’re all smooshed together.

“Hey, guys. We should actually get going now, yeah? Our motha wanted us home by twelve, but it’s nearing one o'clock, so…” Loren says after a moment.

“Right, we should. Let’s go, then.” Sascha says. We unwrap ourselves from each other. Loren holds onto me a bit longer after the others are gone, squeezing me.

“Thank you, again, love.” I smile at the term of endearment. “Thank you so much for saving me brotha.”

“It wasn’t a big deal.” I say, blushing, a grin on my face. I squeeze him tighter as well.

“It was to me. Yeh saved ‘im after all.” He pulls back and smiles at me. “C’mon.” he takes my hand and pulls me to the car. My heels clack on the ground. He looks down and smiles to himself. I want to giggle with happiness.

It’s then that I realize that he was looking for me. Perhaps not for the whole time, but he still noticed that I was missing. And… Tiffany wasn’t with him at all just now. He hugged me.

After hearing what Camden said, I have hope. I have hope that maybe, someday, if I’m lucky… there will be something more between Loren and I. Something like love.