Our False Reality

[“Maybe I'll explore my relationship with Ryan. It's a lot different than with Brendon. With Brendon there isn't a relationship yet. I'm still waiting for it to happen. With Ryan there are fights and make-ups. There is anger and resentment. It's all from my side, of course. I have a relationship with him and he isn't even aware of my existence. He doesn't know me and he's one of the most important relationships in my life. I'll put the pieces here.”]

That’s what Dru said. That’s how it is for her. That was her story. Miles and miles away there was a girl a bit younger than her who was a dreamer too. Only it was the opposite for her. She was still waiting on a relationship with Ryan to form past dirty looks and harsh words. Perhaps it’s because Ryan saw and spoke the truth and she didn’t like that in the least bit. Brendon was who she needed so he came to her. Despite her relationship with Brendon being of the utmost significance, he didn’t know she existed and it was perhaps even inappropriate but she loved him just the same.

They were two people who shouldn’t fit together but somehow did anyway. While he was optimistic, hyper, and genuinely happy…she was pessimistic, quiet, and genuinely sad. It wasn’t her fault and Brendon understood that. She hadn’t had the easiest life and things were kind of difficult for her. It’s why she needed Brendon. He was the missing piece of her. His happiness would envelop her in warmth like the sun. That was his job. He was around to make her happy and comfort her when she was on the edge of a breakdown. He was close enough in age to her that it wasn’t too weird when they kissed or touched.

The first time he appeared it was a rare moment in time where she was cheerful. Her moods did have the ability to change, she just tended to be on the downside more often with Clinical Depression.

Brendon had been lurking for a while but now he was here and surprised to see her in a good mood. He decided to keep it this way for as long as possible. She had a pretty smile and when she was happy her hazel green eyes sparkled in the light. “You look beautiful darling,” he said, taking her pale hand in his and kissing it which caused her to giggle. She stood in the middle of the room wearing a red dress and looking breathtakingly beautiful to him. “Care for a dance?”

“Of course,” she nodded, allowing herself to be swept away in his arms. He sang and they swayed. She loved the sound of his voice and he knew it. It made her feel safe. With him all of her worries melted away.

She leaned in closer and their hips touched. He took her hand and spun her around before pulling her back into his arms. The dress showed off her thin body and round chest. She didn’t have hips or curves but she was perfect to him.

When he stopped singing he stood there and gazed at her for a moment, her hands on his waist. She was very touchy with him. It wasn’t a sexual thing; it was just how she was. It was how she showed her affection. She cared about him and she liked to feel that contact...to feel his warmth. He didn’t mind at all.

She was still very bouncy so he took her over to the piano and they sat on the bench together. “I’ve been writing a new song, would you like to hear it?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes please!”

His eyes closed and he focused on the glossy keys. It wasn’t a whole song but to his relief she approved. She clapped when he finished. “It’s amazing,” she told him.

“You think all my music is amazing,” he teased.

“Because it is,” she replied.

“Let’s hear some of your music.”

She shook her head in protest. “No.”

“Please,” he begged, sticking his lower lip out in an irresistible pout.

“I don’t know what to play.”

“Let me see those beautiful piano playing fingers,” he took her hand and placed it on the instrument. Her fingers were long just like the rest of her limbs. She wasn’t tall but it gave her the illusion of height. He told her that she was born to play piano with fingers like those but she just thought it was awkward.

Finally she played music for him because she couldn’t resist and he grinned. She played from somewhere deep in her heart. She had a talent for it since she was a small child and found a used keyboard at a garage sale. It’s the only instrument she was good at and it was the only one she needed. She sang quietly with the piano. Her voice was nowhere near as good as his but he loved it nonetheless.

By the time Ryan arrived they were on the couch fooling around. He was tickling her, the only one allowed to do so. She squirmed and laughed beneath him which made him laugh too. When he stopped they were smiling at each other just laying there. She looked at him like he was the most incredible thing she ever saw.

Finally he pressed his lips to hers. Her arms found their place around him and so did her legs. All tangled up in each other, they stayed there exchanging butterfly kisses until Ryan walked in. He frowned so they sat up quickly. She blushed lightly and bounced a little on the couch, giggling. “It’s time to go,” Ryan announced.

“Do you have to?” she frowned.

“Yes, you know we do,” he nodded.

“I don’t want to go back to reality. It’s no fun and I’ll be sad.”

“We can come back soon,” Brendon promised.

“I will miss you.”

“You always miss me no matter how long it is that we’re separated.”

“Because I love you.”

“And I love you too but it’s time to go now,” he pulled her to her feet and pushed her short brown hair behind her ear. On this particular day she had worn a red bow in it. It made her look young and innocent. She was young but not innocent. She had seen too much, experienced too much, in her short life to be innocent.

“Okay,” she nodded understandingly, leaning up to kiss him one last time. The boys lingered outside her door.

“I wish we didn’t have to leave,” Brendon sighed.

“She has to face reality sometimes,” Ryan explained.

“She deserves better.”

Ryan shrugged. “That may be true but it’s her life and we have to let her live it. We can’t protect her from everything.

“She was happy though.”

“That wasn’t our girl and you know it. She may have looked happy but it was only a temporary shift. It’s going to take a long time before things are really better.

“Then she might not need us, right?”

“I don’t know,” Ryan shook his head.

“What if she doesn’t want me back?” Brendon asked.

“Then we’ll get through it together.”

“I love her and she loves me.”

“You think you do but in my experience there’s a thin line between loving someone and needing them. Sometimes people get those things confused.”