Keep It Secret, Keeps Us Safe

Friday Night, March 11, 2011

Tears fall down his face mixing with the rain that was falling down. The only way he was able to tell the difference between the waterfall was some were salty and others were fresh. He pulls his hood over his head and squeezes his arms around him tighter. He can feel his heart still slowing down as he attempts to take deep breaths in and out.
Home was just another house on the row of similar houses. It didn't stand out anymore, it was just another two-story house with a basement. It matched every other house on the block. It would never catch his eye again. That was how it always should have been but he had never known. Not until now.
Now he was without a mother and a father and a shelter. His home could be destroyed and he would never notice. He doesn't even have a sister and brother. When the rest of the family finds out he will be sure to have no one in his bloodline.
Just like his home, they would just be more faces on a sidewalk that's littered with people. He has never asked for this nor did he ever think this would happen. His parents were always so nice, usually so accepting.
“What's wrong?” Brown, puppy dog eyes were boring into his own brown eyes with worry taking over.
“C-can I c-c-come in?” the younger boy asks.
The older boy stands aside, worry lines beginning to form. His eyes grow wide in fear as he's never seen the younger cry. It worries him very much sense crying can never be a good thing. When it's the younger boy, crying is even worse.
“Jack?” The older boy follows him up the stairs as he runs a hand brought his mess of dirty blond hair.
Once the young boy finds himself at the elder's room, he opens the door to go to the bed. Jack sits there, fiddling with his fingers. It takes the older boy several throat clearings before the younger finally acknowledges his presence again.
Jack pats the seat beside him and the older boy is quick to take it. “Alex,” Jack decides he will stop there. Words can't help him now so he decides actions will suffice. He cups Alex's face in his hands and kisses him passionately and sadly.
The elder puts his hands over Jack's when Jack takes his lips away. He brings their entwined hands down in his lap bringing his eyes to the younger boy's sad, dull brown eyes. The eyes that usually sparkle like year round Christmas lights were an unnaturally dull brown for Jack.
“Please tell me what's wrong, dear love.” Alex murmurs letting his forehead rest against Jack's.
The lanky boy bites his bottom lip as his eyes grow wide. He doesn't want to tell Alex because he already knows the reaction that he'll get. He knows he has to though. This would be the first time he didn't share something with Alex, and the first time this something could make or break them.
“I... My parents... I told my...” Jack brings his brown eyes to Alex searching for something that tells him that the older boy already knows.
“What? What did you tell them?” Alex is genuinely clueless and the allure of the younger boy is that he never gives anything away, even when he's like this.
“They know about... About us. Alex they know about... You and I... Us.”
Jack looks down but quickly brings his brown eyes back to the Alex’s. Alex's eyes quickly sparkle with admiration and pride for his love. He doesn't exactly know what's with the tears in his boyfriend's eyes, this is an absolutely wonderful thing. It's a step forward for their relationship.
“Why are you crying, love?” Brown eyes bore into brown eyes, one pair searches for a sign of where the tears are coming from while one pair searches for the confidence he so dearly needs at the moment. “You can tell me.” The elder assures him.
Jack nods even though he already knows that, but that's the confidence he needs to hear. “They... They... I-I got k-kicked out. My parents... Th-they hate me.”
Alex tries but fails to stop the gasp that leaves his throat. He is so surprised by this news that he doesn't realize his bushy eyebrows fly up and his jaw drop down. When he does realize it Jack is sliding under his sheets, trying to disappear.
“Your parents... Th-th-they didn't... They rejected... Why?”
Jack peeks out only so Alex can see his eyes. He shrugs with his eyes still wide looking as innocent as a young puppy. Alex knows that Jack knows why though.
“Tell me, Jacky.” Alex commands softly.
The young boy lets the words float around for a while. He wants to make Alex wait for the words that will burn his ears. He may not want to tell Alex them, but it's clear that the older boy has no intention to let this go. Throughout every ugly detail, Alex will want to know everything. It may be hard to recap just because Jack has to be the one to say it but, he can't wish for someone better.
“They said... God hates... My parents... The Bible... God... Th-they said th-that.” Jack doesn't want to repeat it so he just stops. The words are burning his tongue, the only way to stop it would be to repeat it. All the younger boy wants to do is forget it. He hides under the sheets so that the other boy's brown eyes can't see him, but his sobs keep his more than visible.
Alex sighs as he gets under the sheets. He pulls Jack in to him who immediately cuddles with the elder like a reflex. Alex soothes the younger boy through singing and sweet, soft spoken words he knows Jack needs to hear.
That doesn't calm him though. The younger had stopped crying but Alex just had to pester. He hated himself at the moment for causing the crying to begin again. All Jack had wanted was to forget everything, but Alex had rooted for him to remember everything.
“I'm sorry.” Alex whispers kissing Jack's perfect mess of hair. This stops his loud sobs and makes him look up with questioning eyes. Alex laughs, hollowly and sadly. “I shouldn't have made you tell me, obviously you weren't ready.”
“N-no, I just,” Jack paused biting his bottom lip. “I just d-don't want you to know.”
“Tell me, darling dear, tell me.” The dirty blond whispers into the brunette's ear.
“F-fags are against G-god and G-god hates... He hates,” Jack swallows while tears begin to form again in his eyes but he blinks them away, “fags.”
Alex gasps in shock. He is quite surprised Jack's parents could tell their youngest son that. Now he knows why Jack was so upset about having told his parents. He finally understands the younger boy's tears. Although he may not be able to get rid of them, he can offer sweet words and soothing songs to him.
“Please stop.” The younger boy whispers in the middle of the first song. The older boy is, once again, shocked by what he has said, but obliges. “J-just hold me.”
That's just what Alex does. He pulls Jack closer to him. Against his chest, he feels Jack snuggle as deep and as close as he can physically get to his boyfriend. All the brunette wants is to feel safe and he feels safest in Alex's arms. They may not be as strong as they could be, but Jack tends to feel secure when he’s in the weak arms. With Alex, Jack knows that the feeling of being secure isn't a bridge that could fall easily, it was built to last.
“I love you.” Jack whispers into Alex's chest.
“Oh Jack, I love you so much more than you'll ever be able to understand.” Alex whispers running his hand through the boy's soft, brown hair. “But I think,” Alex chokes on his words but he knows he needs to get them out. “I think we need to,” he's cut off by an anticipating Jack.
“Don't say it, Lex, please!”
Tears form in Jack's eyes but this time Alex's join in too. His arms wrap tighter around the older boy and Alex can't help but make his arms tight around the lanky boy’s skinny physique. As much as he wants to reassure everything will be okay, all he can do is wrap his arms around Jack for the moment. If the younger boy is getting kicked out, Alex will do what he thinks is best. That means that the two must break up. It's necessary. Jack must be able to see that.
“Jack, it's what's best for you.” Alex whispers in the most soothing, calm voice he can manage.
“What about what's best for us?” Jack says in a voice under a whisper.
“The best thing for us is for you to be safe.” Alex answers sighing deeply.
The break-up he's forcing upon himself and Jack is one that he does not believe in or want to happen. All he wants is for Jack and him to be happy together. He wants them to hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle, and whisper sweet nothings to each other without any problems. The only reason they can't do this is because they had ended up gay. The pair had fallen for their best friend, finding themselves with the perfect lover, and now the backlash was getting worse.
Alex doesn't view this as Jack's family's fault. He views it as his own. If he had never pushed Jack to tell them his sexuality, it wouldn't have happen. If he had never told Jack that he wanted him right before kissing him deeply, it wouldn't have happened. If he hadn't swore to Jack everything would turn out okay, it wouldn't have happened. Alex had done all that though.
Now they were facing the consequences of Alex's pestering and control. He should have let the younger boy do whatever he wanted to do, but Alex had to make sure everything happened. What was happening now was a sign from the universe.
“I could be safe with you.” Jack chokes out while fitting his body perfectly with Alex as he knows he can. He thinks that it'll remind Alex that they are a two-piece puzzle of perfection.
“I can't provide what a family can, sweet dearest.” Alex reminds him. When he feels Jack against him, he almost can't remember why he's doing this. Almost. He pushes Jack away gently and watches with sad, brown eyes as the lanky boy of skin and bone goes to the edge of the bed to cower. “J-jack.” This hurts him more than he'll admit now, to Jack.
“You... You.” Jack balls the sheets in the fists and brings them over his head. “You hate me.”
Alex has never been so appalled at a sentence in his life. For Jack to say something so false, he can't believe it. He may be acting like it, but it's for Jack's own good. The younger boy needs a family of love and care, not a boyfriend.
“No, I could never. Never ever again in your life repeat or think those words. Dear Jack, my love, I love you with all my heart and, I promise, that I always will, and trust me, this is a promise I can't break.”
“But you're still breaking up with me?” Jack finally whispers again, regaining confidence he comes from the edge of the bed and sits up.
“I wouldn't if I didn't think it was best.” Alex follows suit and sits up, taking Jack's long skinny fingers and entwining them with his.
“I don't think it's best.” Jack snaps immaturely before jutting out his bottom lip in the form of a pout.
Alex softly laughs at his boyfriend's ability to still be a five year old. “C'mon Jacky, you'll have a family.”
Jack's reply is almost instant because he doesn't need to think about what he's going to say next. “But I won't have you.”
It was cliché and corny, but it touches Alex's heart. He so badly wants to reply but he just can't think of one. They have been going at this banter for thirty minutes now and the younger may have just won.
The reply isn't good, but it'll do. It reassures a future for them and that's what Jack needs. “Just until everything cools down at home.” Tears began to form in Alex's eyes as he, once again, rejects the younger boy.
The mass of brown hair covers Jack's face as his eyes meet his lap. There is nothing left he can say, it's obvious there's no way to change the elder's stubborn mind. The break-up was set in stone, there was no way out.
Jack feels trapped, as if he can't change his life. Every decision today wasn't a decision he made, but one of another's. He feels like he's trapped in the maze of destiny and can't cut through. Tears form in his eyes once again and he begins to bawl, shoving Alex harshly away.
The dirty blond understands and knows he can't do anything. If this is how Jack feels, it's how Jack feels. Alex sighs as he watches Jack crawl off the bed and lands on the ground. He stands up and looks at Alex, his brown eyes just waiting for Alex to do something, to say something.
And Alex does. Alex stands up to press a kiss to Jack's forehead. “We will be together again, it's mixed in the unforeseen future.”
Jack smiles sadly. It's not what he wanted to hear, but he'll take it. Something is better than nothing. He turns toward the door, sighs loudly, and leaves the house.
When the front door slams, Alex can't help but feel like they're never going to be together again. He feels as though the relationship they built from stone had turned into flimsy cards, and he's knocked it down. The love of his life had just walked out all because Alex didn't want to fight the younger boy's parents.
Jack feels sad but a bit hopeful. His parents will let him back in the house because Alex and he are no longer together. A grin tugs on Jack's lips but he refuses to let it shine through. There is no way he will smile after that horrendous break-up Alex just forced him through.