Keep It Secret, Keeps Us Safe

Thursday Night, March 17, 2011

Jack's hair holds leaves in it from his immense amounts of tripping, his tight blue jeans are dirty from the mud and dirt he'd fallen into, and his chest was bare from not being able to find his shirt. He was currently sitting on a log that overlooked a small lake that someone could only find looking hard on a map. This was the first time he'd ever looked at this lake and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to find his way back home - wherever that was. 
He squints his tear filled chocolate orbs to watch two little children run on, what he assumes, is a path in their tiny board short. They are maybe four or five, give or a take a year or two. Jack was never good at guestimates. 
He was good at people watching though so that's what Jack did. He doesn't want to think about Christofer, the guy who'd seemed so cool only to use him. He doesn't want to think about Alex, the guy who'd left him at his most vulnerable. Instead he focuses his full attention on the boys.
He watches as the two boys take hands at the side of the lake. The smaller of the two, a skinny boy with pale blond hair, looks over at the taller, a more well-built boy with dirty blond hair, who looks calm and serene. He feels the smaller boy look over at him and gives the blond boy a smile - what he'll come to know as a smile of reassurance. They seem to be brothers - or maybe they're best friends. 
Jack doesn't really know how to tell. He'd been mistaken for Alex's brother when they met at first, then they'd been best friend, then they were lovers, and now they were... They were something but Jack doesn't know just what they are yet. 
He knew they weren't lovers, but they weren't exactly broken-up just yet. That's what he feels anyway, he has no idea what Alex is feeling. Even though Alex said the dreaded words and Jack had "cheated", Jack doesn't believe they're over. The two don't really have an end; they were a circle drawn in pen that could never fade or end.
Jack may not see a future for them at the moment, but he knows they'll find each other. Their destinies aren't marked in ink, but the idea of the two was. They weren't complaining. Well Jack wasn't complaining.
He is on the nice side of the relationship at the moment. He's the runner, the weak one. The one that runs when he's scared and cries to his boyfriend when he doesn't know what else to do. Jack has an easy job; he can deal with being the weak one for now. He wants Alex to put him back together, he wants Alex to fix everything bad happening to him, he just wants someone that will do those things for him.
Jack goes back to watching the little boys trying to shake Alex from his head knowing he won't be able to. They're in the water now, the blond splashing at the black haired boy trying to get him to go away. But then the black haired boy disappears for a minute, the blond boy confused, until that older boy jumps out of the water, the blond on his back.
"Exley!" The blond hits Exley's head jokingly, because he's young and that's just what he does. 
"Stop it or I'll throw you away!" Exley threatens - obviously as a joke - making the younger stop immediately. 
Jack knows exactly why the blond boy had stopped, he would have too. Although Exley hadn't meant exactly what he said - considering he's too young to understand the value of phrasing - the blond seemed to understand it perfectly. 
"You okay?" Exley asks the blond. 
"I don't want to be thrown away." The blond is whimpering now, but it echoes. 
"Calm down, Brice, I would never throw you away." Jack can see Exley rolling his eyes and he fights the urge to grin. Those words, that eye rolling, he wishes he were young again to be with Exley or someone like Exley.
Jack sighs and gets off the log. There's an older women decked out in shorts and flip-flops and he assumes it's one of the kids parents - maybe both. He doesn't want her to think he's a pedophile so he, with a longing look, leaves the lakeside. 
He isn't sure where he's going to end up this time. Jack is without a home and a lover. Maybe Zack will be sympathetic to the situation, letting him stay there. Jack would love him forever if this were to happen. Then again, Zack's got his own agenda, his football playing friends, his football games, his mass of friends. 
Jack looks down at his bare feet cursing himself for believing in Christofer. He's been told the best part of believe is the lie but he'd never thought it could happen to him. He knows he isn't invincible, but the best of best usually happen to him. 
Now he has no idea what to do, where to go. He'd been thrown out, dumped, and fucked. Now? Now he is royally screwed. Jack has no place he belonged, no one he belonged with, no one that would worry that he hasn't been coming home. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Alex yells kicking the tire of his Audi convertible.
The bright red car had decided to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. He was stuck in a part of the small town he lived in without a way to get home or his cell phone to call for his help. His parents wouldn't approve when he did manage to get home, but for now he was stuck.
"Fucking hell!" Alex screams looking around with his hands in the pocket of his black hoodie.
"Is someone there?" The voice is soft and confused.
"Um yeah," Alex says awkwardly not knowing what else to do or say.
"Who is it? Are you going to fuck me?"
"Are you hot?" Alex jokes.
"Fuck off!" The voice yells with anger dripping over each word.
"No, I was joking! I'm joking." The urgency comes out in his words, hoping that the other person will understand.
"Well good," the voice pauses, "because I am hot."
The voice comes out from behind the trees. It turns into a dark shadow as it nears Alex and his bright Audi. And slowly - oh so slowly - it turns into Jack Barakat. A shirtless, dirty Jack Barakat looking more relieved than anything.
"Oh God, my God! That's - Jack is that really you?" Alex breathes excitedly as his brown eyes take in the tattered, broken Jack Barakat.
"Yes Alex," Jack sighs, "it's really me."
"Holy shit," Alex breathes as he takes in Jack with wide eyes. When he brings his eyes back up to Jack he notices an annoyed look pulling on his face. "I was looking for you all over town. I was getting worried about you and I'm just glad I found you." Alex supplies Jack with an answer he knows the younger boy was wondering about.
Jack doesn't look back at Alex once the answer is out in the open. He really just doesn't know how to feel about it so instead he focuses on the car situated behind Alex. "Are you gonna take us home?" He asks simply avoiding Alex's eyes and basically his whole body.
"My car broke down, bro." Alex replies simply. "We're kind of stuck here now." 
"Get your fucking phone out." Jack snaps knowing perfectly well that Alex had his phone with him.
Alex nods and pulls out his high-tech brand new looking phone. Jack was automatically jealous but ignored it as Alex dialed the number.
"Hey Alex."
Alex physically cringes at the sound of his mother. She isn't even the one he has to tell about the Audi. "Hey mum, can I speak to dad?"
"Course, sweetie." There's a bit of shuffling around until a gruff, thick British accent is taking the place of the soft British accent. "Hello Alex, where are you?"
Alex's face softens at the sound of his father. He always did like to escalate things to the point where even he believed his father was going to kick his ass. But really his father was a sweet man who loved Alex to pieces. Then again, that Audi was expensive and it wasn't like Alex had paid for it. "I'm stuck in the middle of town. The Audi broke down so here I am, somewhere yet nowhere." Alex tells his father.
"What did you do?!"
"It ran out of gas." Alex replies.
"How? I had it filled to the brim!"
"I've been driving around town for a long time."
"What do you want me to do? Pick you up?" Alex's father scoffs before answering his own question. "I expect you home by three in the morning and you'll be paying for the tow truck. Get to walking and make sure Jack is with you. We'll give him a place to stay for the night."
The line dies but Alex doesn't even realize. His insides are bubbling over with happiness that he can't contain. The brunette starts bouncing on the balls of his feet as he looks over at the love of his life. How his father knew was beyond him and something he really didn't even care about. As long as he got to bring home Jack nothing really mattered.
"What's with you? Daddy bailing you out as usual?" Jack scoffed glaring at his somewhat spoiled lover.
"Fuck yes, and he's bailing you out too!" Alex jumps over to Jack and wraps his strong arms around the younger boy resisting the urge to just completely melt into him. "You can stay the night and everything, we just have to be home by three!"
The younger boy pushes the dirty blond away from him a bit harshly. When the older boy takes in Jack's  face he realizes not everything was going to go according to the plan. Jack's nose is scrunched up with disgust and he looks like he's going to murder someone. 
"No fucking way am I going with you." Jack spits out.
"Even if I have to carry you, you're going! No way can I take another fucking day without you. Jesus, Jack, I need you, don't you get that?"
"No Alex, I don't because you fucking dumped me when I needed you the most."
"Well fuck it, looks like I'm carrying you."