Save You
one/one
“Here again Verona? I thought you got help.”
“I did.” I replied.
“Yet here you are.”
“It didn’t work.” I snapped back at the boy.
“I don’t see why you try to kill yourself. You’re beautiful. You’re parents love you. You have everything anyone could want. Yet you continue to try.”
“Look, you don’t know the first thing about me. Yes, my parents say they love me and I do get every physical possession I want or need. But I don’t have everything. I would give it all but to be truly loved by someone. So don’t go around talking like you know all about me when in reality you know nothing.” I snapped at the boy once again. “You know absolutely nothing about me Nicholas. Nothing.”
“You’re wrong. I know that you secretly play the piano, and you’re really good. I know that you would never take drugs or drink alcohol. I know that you’re favorite colors are red, black and purple. I know that when you’re mad or angry your eyes turn a dark blue, but are ocean blue at all other times. I know how much you hate what you do and that you want to stop. I also know that you push everyone away that tries to get close to you.”
“Big deal, you don’t know anything important. Hell, you don’t even know why I do what I do. But I know why you do.” I replied staring him down.
“Oh, really then do tell.”
“You’re afraid. You’re afraid of becoming attached to someone and then having that person leave you.” Nicholas looked like a deer in head lights.
“Maybe if you would let someone in then everything important about you wouldn’t be a secret. Or are you afraid too?”
“You really want to know? I don’t think you could handle it.”
“Try me.”
“You drink away your problems because you’re afraid of becoming attached. Well I can’t do that. I was raped. I was walking home from school two years ago when I was attacked from behind. All I can remember is fighting back until they knocked me out and waking up in the hospital four days later. My parents put me into therapy to help with the emotional problems I was bound to have and to give me someone to talk to about what happened that day. I can still see his face in my mind when I sleep. I can still remember people seeing what was happening and doing nothing about it. I haven’t sleep well since I woke up at the hospital. But I couldn’t change what happened. It was out of my control. But cutting, that is in my control. I haven’t had control over my life since that day except in cutting. I do it because the pain reminds me that I am in fact alive. I wish he would have killed me that day. I would have been better off. Everyone would have been better off. The one thing I want I can never have.”
“You want love.”
“That is exactly what I want. And I’m never going to get it. No one wants to be with a damaged girl like me.”
“You’re wrong Verona. I’ve been sober since we met eight months ago. I’ve only been coming back to see you. I want to help you get better. I want you to allow me to be in your life. I want to get attached to you and be with you forever. I’m not afraid of anything when I’m with you. You are this beautiful light that saved me. Now it’s my turn to save you.”
“I did.” I replied.
“Yet here you are.”
“It didn’t work.” I snapped back at the boy.
“I don’t see why you try to kill yourself. You’re beautiful. You’re parents love you. You have everything anyone could want. Yet you continue to try.”
“Look, you don’t know the first thing about me. Yes, my parents say they love me and I do get every physical possession I want or need. But I don’t have everything. I would give it all but to be truly loved by someone. So don’t go around talking like you know all about me when in reality you know nothing.” I snapped at the boy once again. “You know absolutely nothing about me Nicholas. Nothing.”
“You’re wrong. I know that you secretly play the piano, and you’re really good. I know that you would never take drugs or drink alcohol. I know that you’re favorite colors are red, black and purple. I know that when you’re mad or angry your eyes turn a dark blue, but are ocean blue at all other times. I know how much you hate what you do and that you want to stop. I also know that you push everyone away that tries to get close to you.”
“Big deal, you don’t know anything important. Hell, you don’t even know why I do what I do. But I know why you do.” I replied staring him down.
“Oh, really then do tell.”
“You’re afraid. You’re afraid of becoming attached to someone and then having that person leave you.” Nicholas looked like a deer in head lights.
“Maybe if you would let someone in then everything important about you wouldn’t be a secret. Or are you afraid too?”
“You really want to know? I don’t think you could handle it.”
“Try me.”
“You drink away your problems because you’re afraid of becoming attached. Well I can’t do that. I was raped. I was walking home from school two years ago when I was attacked from behind. All I can remember is fighting back until they knocked me out and waking up in the hospital four days later. My parents put me into therapy to help with the emotional problems I was bound to have and to give me someone to talk to about what happened that day. I can still see his face in my mind when I sleep. I can still remember people seeing what was happening and doing nothing about it. I haven’t sleep well since I woke up at the hospital. But I couldn’t change what happened. It was out of my control. But cutting, that is in my control. I haven’t had control over my life since that day except in cutting. I do it because the pain reminds me that I am in fact alive. I wish he would have killed me that day. I would have been better off. Everyone would have been better off. The one thing I want I can never have.”
“You want love.”
“That is exactly what I want. And I’m never going to get it. No one wants to be with a damaged girl like me.”
“You’re wrong Verona. I’ve been sober since we met eight months ago. I’ve only been coming back to see you. I want to help you get better. I want you to allow me to be in your life. I want to get attached to you and be with you forever. I’m not afraid of anything when I’m with you. You are this beautiful light that saved me. Now it’s my turn to save you.”