Lost in your eyes

I won't break my promise

I closed my eyes, leaning myself against the wall of the shower, I let the water spray hit me for a long time, hoping to clear my thought a bit until hit by strong quakes, I decided not to open the hot water.

But it was all useless; even a million showers wouldn’t make the situation clearer.

I made love with a person I had never even dreamed of meeting if not from a safe distance between fans and celebrities. It happened. But unfortunately I didn’t remember anything.

How could I not remember anything?

I left the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, I began to comb my long ebony coloured hair in front of the mirror.

I was observing my reflection for a long time, like it was the first time seeing my skin as too light, the slightly upturned nose, my lips too thin.

How could this happen to me? I wasn’t so special.

And then I stopped on my eyes. I remembered the line spoken by Ville. And again my heart sank.
In fact, I had always been very proud of my eyes, the very dark irises, almost mingled with black pupils, and cut very long.
But now they had a new value.

I smiled at my image. I didn’t remember anything of the previous night, I can never tell anyone what had happened, and Ville would probably forgot me the next day, but I will keep the memory of his unexpected sweetness to my life.

Now dressed, I was giving myself a final assessment, when I heard voices coming from the next room.

I opened the door just a crack, just enough to see an unmistakable blond dreadlocks and Ville's eyes silently begging me not to come out.

"Hey, Ville? Are you listening?" Linde asked, slightly irritated "May I ask what's so interesting back there?"
I half-closed the door again just before Linde turned.

Hidden like that I listened to the following conversation which meaning I was to discover only later.
"Nothing," Ville said, trying to return the attention of his friend to his direction.
"What were you saying?"

"I was saying ..." Linde murmured unconvinced, "that something is unclear to me. Where the hell did you end up last night? We were waiting you at Mige’s home."

"Ah yes. Sorry. I forgot," Ville said lighting a cigarette and dropping on the bed. I found myself thinking in spite of myself how unfortunately for me he was now dressed. He was wearing dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt.

"Someone was very disappointed by your absence," said his friend.

"Who's that?"

"Your friend, the blond with a lot of brain. Come on, don’t you know what her name is... Henna, or Henni ... I don’t remember. She kept asking when you’ll come."

"Oh my God. Luckily, I didn’t see her then," he sighed.

"I do not think it makes sense to keep avoiding her forever. After all, it was your fault ... you have been with her once," said the voice of conscience.

"I had never thought she would have consider it as marriage proposal," acidly replied the leader of HIM.

"Ah, what a naive boy. However, I want to know where you were instead?"

"I've been around ..." he said at the end vaguely.

Linde, having taken place in front of him in a comfortable chair, didn’t give up: "You were around?"
Ville grew impatient: "What is this? An interrogation? I can’t get even a bit of privacy?"

The guitarist burst out laughing: "Of course not! You're the lead singer of one of the most important bands in the country! How do you think you can have some privacy? And anyway," he added, "there are already rumors around ..."

"What rumors?" Ville sat up suddenly.

"Hey, calm down! We’re nervous this morning, eh? You know the drunken idiot, Touko Danke?"
Ville answered it with a nod.

"Well, he claims he had seen you yesterday in a private room of the 'Midnight Wish' and he saw you leave with a beautiful brunette ..."
Silence.

"Well?" insisted Linde “It is true?"

"Are you crazy? Since when do you listen to that fucking idiot?" Ville snapped.

"Okay, you're just okay. You got up on the wrong foot this morning. There is one last little question ... “ sneered the other. "May I?"

HIM frontman snorted: "If I said no would it change anything?"

"Not really ... So ... what are you doing here? Why you are not at your house?"

"There is too much mess there," he said simply.

Linde couldn’t hold back from laughing: "Do you think it will suddenly clean up by itself?"

"God, you are heavy today! First the interrogation, now the lecture! How about you take a hike? Possibly through the door and out! "

"I'm going. Before your not so latent homicidal instincts awake."

He was accompanied by a severe glance of his friend to get up, when he turned to look at something behind him in the cushions of the leather chair.
"Ah-ah. Here it is! "

"What?" Ville asked, more concerned than curious.

"There was something about you that somewhat bothered me and. .." he added, taking a serious tone "I have to admit Ville that your taste in underwear is very refined."

"What the ..." began the singer, when Linde showed the mysterious object.

It took me little time to focus and recognize my black satin bra.
At that moment I wanted to collapse.
It was a disaster!

Ville jumped up and having opened the door not too kindly urged the intruder to leave, "Out!"

"It won’t end with this," Linde grinned before he left, dropping the bra on the unmade bed.

As soon as Ville was again alone in the room, I emerged from my hiding place.
I flushed quickly recovering the last item of abandoned clothing and stammered an apology: "I'm so sorry. I-I, I swear, I had looked everywhere but ... "

"Don’t worry," he stopped me, lingering too long with his eyes on the buttons of my blouse "It’s nothing serious after all. Linde is an idiot, he just won’t give me a break and will ask questions for a while, but that’s all. Of course, if in the near future you were to read in the newspapers about mourning of the sudden death of the young guitarist of HIM," he calmly grinned, "well, then I fear you will have to live with the guilt of having been, at least in part, responsible for it."

"I’ll survive" I smiled "But what did he say?" I asked curiously, biting my lower lip, hoping I won’t be dried up for my indiscretion.

"What, you didn’t ...?" he looked at me astonished. Then he realized: "Oh sure. You don’t understand anything."

"Indeed," I grumbled, shifting the weight of my body from foot to foot.

He watched me a few seconds before answering: "Nothing interesting. He asked me what I did last night because I was in a hotel room. I have avoided the discussion until ... "

"Until I ruined all your efforts with my carelessness," I finished disconsolate, giving myself a pat on the forehead.

"I told you, don’t worry. I will manage it."

Already regretting the fact of having to leave, suddenly a thought surfaced in my mind: "What hotel are we in?" I asked worried. Maybe I was in the opposite part of the city of my hotel where I was certainly expected by my worried friend Arianna. I will for sure get lost going back!

"The name is 'Hanna Hotel'. It is ... "I could not hear a word of what he was saying.

It was not possible.

I dropped my purse in shock.
"What is it? Are you okay?" he asked coming up to me and brushing my arm.
I shuddered at the slight contact.

"Yes, it's just that ... You're kidding right? This is a room of 'Hanna Hotel'? "I looked for confirmation.

"Yeah," he muttered, not understanding.

"It is not possible. Not my own hotel! That is, the hotel where I am staying at. But... there is nothing special! It is not the hotel where I expected to find Ville Valo! And then this room is so different from..." There. I started talking to blast as usual.

Fortunately, the lead singer of HIM put an end to my meaningless words, smiling: "Yeah. Every once in a while, I take refuge in this small hotel. Hoping to find some peace. Although, as you saw, I can’t always find it," he huffed, handing me my purse.

I went to the door and whispered: "I really hope I haven’t caused too many problems."

I had to leave the room at the time, but I couldn’t help myself. With the hand already on the handle I turned to meet those eyes, in which I would gladly lose myself, for one last time.

"Thanks for everything. And don’t worry, I swear. I won’t tell anybody what happened. It will only be a wonderful memory that will always stay with me."
I spoke quickly, and then, without giving him time to replicate anything, I opened the door, traveled through the deserted corridor and began to descend the stairs at breakneck speed, without looking back.