Your Own Disaster

Carlos stood in the center of her bedroom, his brown eyes wide and his broken heart open, just grasping for the right words to say.

Jennifer sat on the bed, her legs crossed beneath her and her jade eyes staring up at him, unsure if she meant the words that had just left her lips.

“Jen, I love you,” he mumbled as his fingers tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt, his stare now fixated on the pink carpet beneath his sneakers. There was a hint of desperation in his voice, and even though he’d never spoken those words to any female aside from his mom and grandmother before, he knew in his heart that he meant them.

Though Carlos’s words were genuine, they didn’t mean anything to her. They wouldn’t make her change her mind.

He glanced over at her for approval, but there was nothing behind her stare. She was hardening from the inside out: muscles tensing, fingers clenching the purple roses on her comforter, eyes beginning to glaze over.

Jennifer didn’t say anything, her gaze shifted to the view outside her bedroom window, but Carlos could hear the slight gush of air escape her lips.

She wanted to love him, she truly did, but she couldn’t.

Though Carlos was sweet, funny, and practically worshipped the ground she walked on, Jennifer had to think about her career. She’d worked hard to get where she was now, and she wasn’t going to throw it all away for him. And honestly, the thought of being thrown out of The Jennifers terrified her. She couldn’t imagine trying to make it on her own in Hollywood without her two best friends. Even though they had a reputation for being ruthless and intimidating, there was a part of her that needed the security that came along with being in the group. She didn’t know how to make it on her own anymore.

She didn’t know who she was anymore without the other two Jennifers.

In a roundabout way, that’s what had attracted her to Carlos. He was the only one that had been able to see past that strong exterior and she her as an individual instead of just a Jennifer. To him, she was Jen, she wasn’t one of The Jennifers.

Jennifer twirled a lock of curly chocolate hair around her index finger as she tried to think of something to say that would make all of her problems go away. In her heart, she knew that she didn’t want to end things with him. Carlos made her happy, which was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a while, but Carlos was a nobody. Dating him publicly would cost her her spot in The Jennifers, which was the equivalent of social suicide.

Ending things with Carlos seemed like the easiest choice, they could both go on living their lives as if they had never happened, but it didn’t feel right to her.

Jennifer looked up, staring into the innocent boy’s coffee-colored eyes, and she swore that she could still see that spark in them, that same spark she’d seen over three months ago, the spark that made her begin to notice him.

Their relationship started on a whim one

It was right after Blonde Jennifer left to film a soap opera in Iceland, and the two remaining members of the group were desperate to fill the newly vacant spot. Carlos just happened to be the right height and easily manipulated, so he was an easy choice. Jen and Brunette Jennifer had made it their mission to mold Carlos into Jennifer material, dragging him into their shared dressing room for an impromptu makeover.

After the two teenage girls had turned him into an Usher look-a-like, Brunette Jennifer had to leave for an interview with Pop Tiger! magazine, leaving the two alone in the dressing room.

Jen shared at their reflection in the full-length mirror as she added the finishing touch to Carlos’s transformation: a black pinstriped fedora. To her surprise, Carlos actually cleaned up brilliantly. He actually looked sort of beautiful, the way his caramel skin complemented her own flawless mocha complexion and how good she looked standing just at his shoulder. They could’ve easily been mistaken for the next Hollywood “it” couple, and Jen was a little intoxicated by the idea, unknowingly slinking her arm around his.

He shivered at the gesture but looked down at her with a warm smile and a golden shimmer in his eyes, softly intertwining his fingers in hers.

It was an impulse, the way the warmth of his skin blended into hers, and she kissed him, slow and unsure at first, but growing in intensity until her perfectly manicured nails were digging into his shoulders.

Carlos was the first to break away, his eyes filled with questions. “Jennifer?”

As she looked away, tucking a lock of corkscrew curls behind her ears, Jen could feel the blood rush to her cheeks. “Um, actually, it’s Jen. Blonde Jennifer’s the only one of us that actually goes by Jennifer. Brunette Jennifer is Jennie, and I’m just Jen.”

“Just Jen?” he asked, chuckling slightly. “I like it.”

Jennifer could feel a faint smile form across her lips as she remembered that first night, but the pressure of Carlos sitting on the bed beside her brought her back to reality.

“Jen, I just want you to be my girlfriend, to take you out on romantic dates and show you off to the world, is that too much to ask?”

His warm breath brushed against her cheekbone, causing her to lose her train of thought.

“Carlos, you know I want to, but I just can’t,” the words tumbled from her lips as she gripped his wrists in her hands. “I think we should just go on with our lives, pretend this never happened.”

“But I don’t want to go back to the way things were before, I want to be with you,” he whispered, his voice wavering into almost a whimper.

Her eyes bore into his. “Just forget me, Carlos. It’s as simple as that. This never happened, we never…” Her voice trailed off, and Jen quickly collected herself, pulling her body up off of the bed and vanishing into the next room.

There was nothing Carlos could do to make her change her mind.