Save Yourself Before You Fall, These Things You're Doing, They're so Wrong.

I woke up to a bright light shining in my face. Fuck, I'm in the hospital. I tried to sit up to no avail, hissing in pain. Ashley shot up kneeling by my bedside. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. "Andy.." I looked over at him, unable to do much else.
"Ashley.. Wh-what happened?" His expression, though joyful, held pain.
"The doctor found out what was wrong with you," I bit my lip. "Your stomach started digesting itself.." My eyes widened immensely. Is that even possible? "Andy.. You need to get better." I nodded slightly.
"What about the tour? The fans deserve to hear a good show. We have to give them that, Ash.."
"We can't do that. We cancelled it. Jake sent out a message to all the fans telling them that we need to take time off for you to get better."
"This is all my fault. They deserve a good show and I ruined that."
"We can reschedule.."
"What if they can't make it to that show?" I started panicking.
"Andy, calm down.." I tried to take a deep breath shakily.

"Andy.." A soft female voice said. I looked over and saw my mom standing in the doorway. My eye widened a little.
"How did you know?"
"I'd say that your mom has Andy senses.. but Jake called and confirmed it."
"Oh.." I felt terrible. Even my parents gave up their lives to fly here. I'm a fuck up. I sighed.
"Not exactly the laugh I was trying to get.." I couldn't even laugh at a joke correctly. I can't do anything right.

"Andy, why?"
"I thought that I was fat." I felt ashamed.
"Oh, my poor baby." Mom wrapped her arms around my fragile body. I felt undeserving of her love, but hugged her back anyway.

I need to get better.



Jake brought the notebook by.. He's watching me write. No doubt he reads these. He should know this, then: I promise to myself anf the ones that love me: I will get better no matter how hard it is.

I will never give in.