Hate That I Love You

It was one O'clock in the morning and thanks to my sudden insomnia I was still awake, but when the phone rang it still had me feeling irritated. I sighed as I rolled over to the other side of my queen size bed to where my phone connected to the wall and sat up so I could reach the top of my dresser. I silently complained in my head about why I had chosen such a tall dresser to put my phone on, and in the end I just ended up sitting up while yanking the phone off the receiver to my ear.

"Hey, just because I have a phone in my room doesn't mean I accept calls this late and-" I started to scold the other person but I cut myself off when I heard him.

"Dianna..." Matt hesitated and stopped talking.

A shiver went down my spine as his voice turned my name into a melody that squeezed at my heart. When the feeling went away I was hit by a wave guilt that drowned the way I felt whenever I was in the presence of Matt.

"Dianna, did you hear me?" His voice was choking and I tried to focus on what Matt was saying.

"I'm sorry what?" My body felt cold when I realized something had to be wrong.

Matt loved Josh like a brother and would never even consider calling me this late with out an emergency of some sort. I held my breath and closed my eyes but his words still hit like a football player tackling me.

"They're dead. They are all dead." His words turned to rambling and I heard someone take the phone away.

"Dianna this is Paula," Matthew's mom stopped and took a deep breath, "You need to come to the hospital because Josh need's you now."

I almost couldn't form the question but I needed to know what happened. "Mrs. Paxton what's going on?"

"Josh's parents-" Paula sobbed but continued on, "Were in a car accident caused by an inconsiderate drunk driver who came out alive but... but my sister and her husband don't seem like they are going to be that lucky."

Oh God, I couldn't believe what was happening. I could feel my mouth moving up and down while it waited for my brain to think up something to say. It was quiet on the other line and all I could do was pray that this was one massive sick joke that they all decided to play on me but I knew it was true.

"I'll be there soon Paula." I whispered but the only response I got was another heart wrenching sob.

I gently placed the phone on the receiver, stood up, and my eyes widened when I saw my reflection. My face was covered in tears that even I didn't notice till that very moment and next thing I knew I was crouching with my hands on my head and crying without control. I never had to cope with death before this moment and all I could do was picture Josh's parents smiling at me and being nice about everything.

"Honey," my mom's voice startled me when she came into my room but I refused to look up. "What's going on?"
I rubbed my palms against my eyelids and cheeks to dry my face and stood up from my crouched position. I walked over to her and let her envelop me in one of those warm, comforting mom hugs. Thinking of Josh I pulled out of my mother's arms, stood tall, and exhaled slowly.

"Mom, I need the keys to go visit someone at the hospital."



As I walked into the hospital I saw Matt sitting with Paula and Luke, Matt's father, and they were both comforting his mother. I tried to ignore the pull I felt toward Matt and looked around to find Josh who was off sitting by himself. At first I didn't understand why he wouldn't sit with the rest of his family but when I thought about it, I realized the answer. Seeing Matt with his mom and dad was a reminder to Josh of what he just lost. I took a few slow steps and stopped, feeling reluctant about approaching him at a time like this. His face was dark and he appeared a lot older than he truly was. With determination I squared my shoulders, walked over to him, and sat beside him. His gaze was cast downward and he wouldn't look at me so I forced his chin up and stared into his empty eyes.

"Josh its going to be okay, I'm here now." I tried to sound convincing but I couldn't even make myself believe it.

He stared at me and didn't say anything until he looked like he just heard what I had said minutes before. My eyes filled with tears that I refused to shed because I was knew I had to be strong for Josh and I pulled him into my arms. My eyes met with Matt's over Josh's shoulder and I just knew at that moment that we both agreed mentally that we could never hurt Josh. The way I felt about Matt would have to be forgotten and Josh was the only one I would be with. Part of my soul began to cry for me as well because I knew I would be trapped in a relationship that should have never been anything more than friendship.

"Dianna," Josh murmured, "You're the only one I have left."