The Real Memory

Raindrops tinkled merrily on the windows as Harry quietly crept down the corridor – he didn't want to run the risk of anyone seeing him slip into the servant's quarters.

Upon reaching the hidden entrance to the servant's wing Harry looked left and right quickly before pushing the concealed button and popping open the doorway. The door looked exactly like the walls on either side of it. It had been designed to hide the servant's quarters from nosy visitors and to protect the servants if something happened. The button was keyed to only open to the thumb prints of those that lived and worked here.

It also just looked nice.

Harry walked through the plain, but comfortable common room that the servants had access to. It contained several computer terminals and a television surrounded by comfy looking couches was in one part of the room. At the moment the room was empty, everyone was still sitting in the kitchen, drinking Mrs. Weasley's tea and gossiping about how Harry was so strangely different today. Luckily for Harry's plans though, Ginny wasn't in there. She'd excused herself and gone to bed early, though Harry couldn't imagine why.

Harry went down a bare corridor and stopped in front of the small door with Ginny's name on it. He stared at it for a moment, nervousness pooling in his stomach.

What if she had changed her mind?

What if she didn't believe him anymore?

What if she wasn't in there?

It took a moment, but Harry eventually convinced himself to ignore his doubts and knocked softly on the wooden door.

As Harry waited he heard things being shuffled around inside the room, as if someone was moving furniture. What was Ginny doing in there?

The door was cracked open and Ginny stuck her head out, surprise crossed her features as she saw him. "Yes?" she asked.

Harry gave a little nervous cough and cleared his throat. "Uh, I, uh," he stared into her dark brown eyes and lost his train of thought. It was as if he was falling in love with her all over again. He gave another little cough and said in a rush, like a nervous adolescent, "I wanted to know if you would come talk with me some more."

She stared at him curiously for a moment before nodding, "All right, let me get my jacket."

She shut the door in his face as she went to get her jacket and when she came back she was careful not to let Harry see inside of her room. He found himself wondering what she was hiding, but decided not to ask, he probably wouldn't get an answer anyway. Still, he filed away the question for later, eventually he would ask her.

The two of them made their way out of the servant's wing without saying a word. As Harry led them down corridors he couldn't forget about Ginny's presence next to him. She was so close, and yet so far. She may've accepted everything he had told her, but she wasn't in love with him, not like he was with her.

As they reached one of the many doors to the garden the rain came to a slow stop. "Mind if we go out here?" Harry asked nervously. Mentally he shook himself, why was he so nervous? Was he afraid to find out how she'd loved a drunkard like him?

"No, not really," Ginny's voice pierced Harry's thoughts and calmed his rolling stomach a little. Her hand brushed his arm as he opened the door for her and, inexplicitly, he felt calmer.

They wandered off into the gardens as silence fell between them like an invisible curtain. The longer the curtain stayed down the faster Harry's nervousness began to return. Honestly, he hadn't felt this nervous since he'd asked Cho Chang out to the Yule Ball.

Every time Harry opened his mouth to speak his tongue dried up and his throat swelled shut. The thought of learning that this Ginny was perhaps mentally unbalanced scared him. Because how else could she have had a crush on his drunken old self?

Ginny was the one to finally break the silence.

"Well, did you want me to just walk with you or did you have something to talk about?" Her voice was a little snippy, and Harry couldn't blame her. They had been walking around the garden in random circles for almost thirty minute now.

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, "Yes, I wanted to ask–" he stopped to take a deep breath –"how could you have had a crush on me?" When she didn't answer immediately Harry rushed onwards, "I mean, I was a drunken jerk. How – How could you have had a crush on that?"

Harry stared at Ginny, trying to read her mind, to know what was going on behind her silent features.

Finally, she made a sound. It was a soft sigh, but in the silence of the garden it could've been a scream. Harry jumped a little.

"That will take some explaining. Can we go sit down? I've been on my feet all day."

"Oh, sure!" Harry looked around until he spotted a gazebo surrounded by some weeping willows. The silence returned as he led her over to it.

Once the two of them were settled onto a bench Ginny began to speak.

"I was five years old when I first saw you, I don't think you remember, but my parents had come here seeking jobs. Your mother was interviewing them and she told my brothers and me that we could go explore the gardens while we waited." Ginny looked off into the distance and smiled softly.

"Bill and Charlie went off to look at the stables; they'd never seen real horses before. Percy pulled a book out of his pocket and settled himself under a tree while the twins went off in search of the kitchens and sustenance. So Ron and I were left to our own devices. We went exploring and eventually we ended up here at the gazebo."

Rain began to fall gently on the roof of the gazebo as she continued to talk.

"Ron and I thought we were in some magical place. We'd never seen anyplace so beautiful, the flowers were just beginning to bloom and the gardens looked like one living rainbow to us – so different from the cobbled courtyard outside of our overcrowded Dole apartment. We were picking a bouquet for Mom when we heard unfamiliar voices approaching. Nervous, we hid in those bushes over there."

She pointed to an overcrowded plot in the garden. She and Ron had to have been pretty small to have hid in there, even thirty years ago.

"The voices ended up belonging to you and Mr. Snape. He was lecturing you about putting frogs in someone's bed and you were trying to look anywhere but at him. The two of you stopped at the gazebo. He continued to lecture and you began to ignore him. He didn't take kindly to that. Eventually he shouted at you and you responded by shouting that he wasn't your real Dad, so he had no right to yell at you."

Dimly, Harry could feel an old memory shift to the surface. He'd noticed that pulling up memories was getting more difficult every day.

"He slapped you then and you feel to the ground in a heap, crying. He said something about him knowing he wasn't your real Dad before storming off. After a minute you stumbled to your feet and ran off. I wanted to run after you and comfort you, even though I didn't know you, but Mom and Dad began calling us, so Ron and I turned our backs on you and went back to the house."

Harry dusted off a memory of him pushing past two older red-haired boys and hiding in an empty stall in the stables. That fight in the garden had been the beginning of Snape's torture of him. Never again after that had Snape ever tried to act like a father to Harry. He couldn't help but wonder why. Had Snape felt guilty about turning on his friend and marrying his widow? Had he taken out that guilt on Harry?

Was that why his childhood had been miserable?

Could it be tied down to that one fight in the garden?

Or had that just been the straw that broke the camel's back?

Ginny didn't know about the questions rolling through Harry's head, "My parents got the jobs and Ron and I immediately wanted to seek you out and be friends with you, but Mom wouldn't allow it. She was afraid that if we approached you, instead of the other way around, we might upset you and find ourselves back on the Dole. That's been her one fear throughout the past three decades – losing her job and reentering the Dole."

"Since you never approached us I contented myself with watching you. First it was because I felt sorry for you, later it was because I thought you were sweet. Like when you snuck that pregnant cat into your room so she wouldn't have her kittens in the freezing barn."

Harry shuddered as that memory surfaced; he'd gotten locked up by Snape for several days because of that incident – although, it had been nice to help the cat and her kittens.

"Slowly, as we grew older, I watched you begin to change. Everytime you came back from Eton you were quieter, more suppressed, you hardly ever argued with Mr. Snape anymore. I wanted to approach you, it was killing me not to, but I didn't want to risk my parents' positions. So my only hope was that you'd notice me, but you never did."

"I'm sorry for that," Harry said softly.

Ginny gave him a wry smile, "It's alright; you had other things on your mind." She sighed deeply and looked up at the rafters. "When I was eighteen I started working as a maid here, but I saw you even less. You were either at school, partying, or hiding in the 'playroom' your mother built you. Yet, I couldn't forget you, no matter how little I saw you. You always looked so sad and a little bit lost."

"From what I can tell, I was lost," Harry whispered.

Ginny just nodded before continuing, "It was only recently, about a year ago, that you noticed me. I couldn't believe it when you spoke to me for the first time, I thought my dreams were finally coming true, that is, until you propositioned me. I watched as my image of you slowly began to tarnish and fall apart. If it wasn't for–"Ginny paused briefly before continuing"–for my family. I would've left after you accosted me two weeks ago."

Harry knew she wasn't going to say "family" to begin with, but he didn't push it. He'd get the truth out of her eventually. If he pushed now he'd just push her away, and he didn't think he could live if he did that.

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you had," Harry said honestly.

The two of them lapsed into silence again, the curtain slowly returning to fall between them, but this time it wasn't quite as thick. As they sat there Harry heard music start up in the distance.

It sounded like someone in the cottages had gotten tired of the silence.

As the music floated through the misting rain Harry got an idea. He grinned as he stood up abruptly and faced Ginny.

She looked at him in surprise as he extended his hand, gave her a bow and spoke.

"Good evening, Miss. Would you do me the honor of granting me this dance?"