Butane and Bullets

Frank tried to feel the post-show buzz, but couldn't quite manage it. It had gone fine; it usually did when they played Loop. But Frank had been hoping for something more tonight. He wanted a great show to make his friends proud of him, so that they were glad they'd come. But it obviously hadn't been as entertaining as he'd hoped. Gerard had stopped paying attention halfway through the set, instead opting to keep himself occupied by latching onto the face of some blonde chick.

It was stupid to feel bummed, and he knew that. If there's one feeling you prepare for when you start a band it's rejection. People have different music tastes; it's a fact of life that keeps things interesting. Not everyone was going to like Pencey Prep, and they'd been prepared for that eventuality right from the very beginning. But for some reason this knowledge neither soothed him nor steeled his resolve like it usually did. Frank should have been prepared for the outcome that Gerard might turn out to be one of those people. He had never before been affected in this way, simply shrugging his shoulders in the face of opposition and carrying on for the sake of the fans they did have.

This was not the case today as he helped the guys load the equipment back into the van with heavy shoulders and a clouded mind. No one was really feeling talkative, and that suited him down to the ground whilst he was stuck in this mood. They worked silently, each wondering what was wrong with the other, but knowing better than to ask. The last item to be loaded was Frank's guitar, and he took even more care than usual when placing it inside. It was extremely rare for him to feel any form of negativity after a show, and it made him feel strangely guilty, as if he was betraying both himself and his instrument by unwittingly dampening the buzz the stage provided him with. When the guitar lay delicate and beautiful in the back of the vehicle, he took a second to stroke over the strings his fingers felt kind of lost without.

I'm sorry he silently told the instrument. It's not you. It's never you. I just wanted him to like us. He removed his hand and closed the van door. I'll see you tomorrow at practise.

"I think I'm just gonna head back to my place" Tim informed them, his face looking as glum as Frank felt. Neil and Hambone expressed similar wishes whilst Frank held out his hand, motioning for the keys.
"Pass 'em. I'll drive."

As the keys flew towards his open palm, Shaun reached out and snatched them mid-air, throwing them straight back to the other three.
"No you don't" he told Frank. "You'd let your friend pay for all those drinks and not even pop back in to say bye afterwards? Since when did your mother raise you to be a dick?"

Frank sighed. Shaun was right. Of fucking course. That didn't mean he wasn't going to try and contest it though.
"He got lucky; he's with some chick. Don't wanna go and cramp his style."
"Ha. He has no style to cramp."

Frank's head snapped up defensively, only to find that Shaun was smiling and had meant the comment in a light-hearted way rather than as an insult. Shaun noticed the quick flame that had burned in Frank's eyes for a second and tilted his head ever so slightly, attempting to decipher what it meant. He wasn't quite sure that he understood Frank's sensitivity, but his voice was softer the next time he spoke.

"Come on, Frank. If nothing else we can at least give Mikey a message to pass on." He smirked then. "Plus, don't you want to go get a closer look at the treat he's bagged himself?"

Frank's stomach danced uneasily as he couldn't help thinking 'no', but he also couldn't stop the smile that pinched at one corner of his mouth in the face of Shaun's eyebrow wiggle. It was only common courtesy to go and say goodbye, even if that was just a wave across a crowded room. It wouldn't kill him. So he nodded and trailed behind his friend, calling goodnight to his other band mates as they climbed into the van.

When stepping back into the small club, he tried not to look so visibly moody. It was heavy on his face, weighing his shoulders down and he was terribly aware of it. Trying to shake it off, he turned his head towards the stage as they walked, checking how Nada Surf were getting on. They were popular, as always. Frank noted that the crowd numbers had fleshed out a little since Pencey had finished their set. It was always that way, no matter who was headlining, no matter what venue. Frank had never understood that, himself. Watching support was a good way of discovering new bands as far as he was concerned. He didn't really get why people didn't get their money's worth and stick around for the whole show. He scowled. He didn't really get people who came to a show and then spent the night plastered to some girl, either.

And with that thought he spotted Gerard. They were stood off to the side, Gerard pushing himself desperately against the blonde who was responding in kind, curling her lithe body around the dips and curves of Gerard's chest and stomach. There was barely room for air between the two bodies, let alone personal space. Their intensity wasn't public-friendly, and it wasn't behaviour that Frank would have previously associated with Gerard at all. Any second now they're going to the toilets to fuck. He tore his eyes away in an attempt to lessen the strange pull in his stomach. It was bizarre to feel so bad about a lack of fandom from one person; especially someone who he had only just began to think of as a friend.

Shaun was already making his way over to Mikey and Matt, who were chatting whilst watching the performance. He clapped both hands down on the startled shoulders of Mikey Way as Frank trudged behind him. Frank didn't even pay attention to the first snippets of conversation between the other three guys. He was too busy trying not to turn around and watch Gerard soothe his traumatised tongue between the gleaming teeth of the mysterious girl.

He didn't tune back into the conversation before him until Mikey bumped a fresh pint against his chest. He clasped it tightly and lifted his eyes gratefully.
"Thanks, dude."

Shaun had engaged Matt in conversation about the song Nada Surf had just begun, leaving Mikey looking to Frank expectantly. He opened with the only subject he felt comfortable with.
"Enjoying the show?"
"Of course, man. You were great, as always."

Mikey's smile was easy and genuine, but Frank found that he couldn't respond in kind, so opted to dip his eyes and take a drink instead. He's probably just lying to protect my feelings. When he lifted his gaze again, Mikey had questions behind his glasses, so Frank angled his body and pointed with a finger on the hand holding his drink, his other fist jammed tightly in his pocket. He still didn't want to look back at them, so he was merely gesturing blindly, expecting the other boy to know what he was talking about.

"Someone else didn't think so."

Mikey let his eyes dance over the entwined bodies, and kept them there even as he replied. Mikey's tone was mellow and full of understanding. The girl had her arms looped behind Gerard's neck, holding him tightly to her. They broke away from their kisses for the briefest second to exchange a couple of smiling words, before assaulting each other's lips once more.

"Nah, give him a break, man. I'm sure he loved it. He just hasn't seen her in a while."

Frank turned around and goggled before he could mentally instruct himself not to.
"You mean he knows her?"

Mikey snorted out a small laugh.
"Of course he does. You think my brother's the type of guy who picks up girls in clubs like that?"

When Frank heard the words coming out of someone else's mouth and not just his own internal ramblings, he had to admit it sounded pretty ridiculous. This is the guy that Frank had never even seen outside of his own house until tonight. The chubby hermit in a Maiden shirt, who draws comic books and works at a book store. Of course he fucking knew her.
"No. ...No, I guess you're right."

Although now that Frank had dared to take a look, that didn't make the facts any easier to digest. It now made sense that he was making out with some girl in the club; they knew each other. However it still didn't really make sense that they knew each other in the first place. There was nothing aesthetic that one could draw on to connect the dots between the guy and the girl. She was wearing light blue jeans and a short black vest that exposed her perfectly flat stomach. Her naturally blonde hair cascaded down her back; lustrous and in good condition. Underneath her jeans she wore a pair of high heels that elevated her almost as tall as Gerard.

Frank wasn't usually one to judge books by their covers. In fact, he abhorred those sorts of snap judgements. This time he couldn't help it. Besides the fact that she was in the Loop Lounge at all, there was nothing to suggest that the two of them ran in the same circles. It baffled him. And then something clicked in his mind that he had to have confirmed.
"Wait, so... they're together?"

"Looks kinda weird from the outside, I know; popular blonde cheerleader type with the geeky rocker. But yeah, they've been together a good 3 months now" Mikey informed him, nodding.

Frank wondered why he'd never been aware of her before. Sure, he'd only been really talking to Gerard for a week or so. However throughout his entire friendship with Mikey no member of the Way family had ever mentioned that Gerard had a girlfriend, and he certainly hadn't seen her come by the house while he'd been hanging around; either in the past week, or whenever he had visited Mikey previously.

"I know what you're thinking" Mikey cut in, interrupting his train of thought. "Why didn't you know she exists, or why didn't you see her at our place. And believe me; I'm not exactly happy with the situation."

The couple had untangled their lips and were talking, Gerard's fingers never ceasing to stroke over her arm. It made Frank feel a little nauseous and was glad Mikey shared his thoughts. Gerard had been emotionally fucked when he got home on the 11th. Frank remembered the way Gerard's usually sturdy solid body had quickly fallen limp and delicate, quaking in his arms, lungs gasping for purchase they couldn't secure. Surely the girlfriend of 3 months should have been the one curled up crying on the lounge floor with him instead of Frank? Mikey continued talking in the same vein as Frank's thoughts.

"I want there to be a fucking good excuse why she didn't come around, but there isn't gonna be one. She's been ignoring my calls all week, and I could really lay into her about it. Believe me, I want to. But I won't." He sighed, eyes never moving from his brother. "I mean, would you? How can I steal away that smile? However unreliable she may be, you can always guarantee that if she's there, he's happy. I can't find it in me to contest that."

Considering Mikey's words, he turned again, and viewed the happiness that coated Gerard's features. The couple had seemingly finished their excruciatingly long greeting, and had now turned their attention back to the stage. The girl was tapping her foot away to the beat, arms crossed beneath her small breasts. Gerard had planted his chin on her left shoulder, and watched the band from behind her, arms snaking around and culminating in clasped hands that lay across the bare skin of her belly. The smile on his face was almost delirious, like he couldn't believe the position he was in.

The current song came to a close and Frank made an effort to join in with the cheering of the crowd. His eye twitched as he noticed that Gerard and his companion were not paying the same level of courtesy. He dragged his eyes away as Matthew, Nada Surf's vocalist, began to address the crowd between songs.

"Whoa, man. Thanks, guys, you rock as per usual."
He broke off to take a sip of water from a bottle as the crowd gave another chorus of cheers at receiving a compliment.
"Then again, I guess you were always gonna be pumped after watching PENCEY PREP!"

The whole band had chorused in with their instruments to incite another riotous reaction from the audience, and a genuine smile crept on Frank's face as Matthew grinned in his direction from the stage.
"I bet those guys put you to motherfucking work! Pencey are one of the best damn Jersey bands around, and we're always honoured to share a stage with those dudes."

Another roar of appreciation bubbled from the collective throat of the crowd. Mikey slapped Frank across the back and Matt jammed his fingers between his lips to whistle loudly. Frank laughed, throwing a glance to Shaun, who wore a matching shit-eating grin, and clapped his hands in Frank's direction, enticing him to return the gesture. The two members of Pencey Prep revelled in the sound of the crowd, and applauded each other mockingly. Laughing and giving Shaun's shoulder a slight shove, Frank glanced around the room briefly.

He was both surprised and embarrassingly delighted to spy Gerard, arms unhooked from the girl's body, raised high in the air, clapping his hands together with vigour. His body was twisted around and he was staring at Frank's face, dopey smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he clapped so hard Frank suspected his hands might fall off. It made his stomach clench not unpleasantly, and he also noted that mystery-girl was taking Gerard's lead and tapping her palms together politely.

"Now, I spy a couple of the Pencey boys chilling over by the bar, I want you to go buy those motherfuckers a drink; the rest of this show's for them!" Matthew cried, pointing directly at Shaun before strumming the opening notes.

Frank became aware that a guy and his girlfriend were attempting to talk to Shaun and himself, but he couldn't tear his eyes from Gerard's. Across the room, Gerard's arm slipped slowly back around the blonde, but hazel eyes remained glued to Frank's, intense and searching for something. That eye contact remained until the girl leaned up to talk in Gerard's ear, capturing his attention once more. He nodded with a wide grin, and Frank watched as they made their way over to the area of the bar furthest from where he was stood, beckoning the bartender over.

Frank felt a finger poke his shoulder and turned to find it attached to Gerard's brother.

"Please stop. He'll come back over. Just stop worrying."

Worrying? Fuck, I must look even more pathetic than I feel. Frank wanted to protest; 'Worried? You kidding?'; but he couldn't find it in him to lie to Mikey Way. Thankfully the silence didn't last long as Mikey continued.

"I wanted to thank you again, by the way. I know I've already thanked you about that business on the 11th, but while you guys were onstage G told us about this band thing. He said you really helped him out; played his song or something?"

The shock that came from knowing that Gerard had told his brother that he had really helped him out rendered Frank a little dumb, so he did all that he could in response and nodded, before Mikey finished.
"He seems serious, and he got real animated when he was talking about it. So thanks again. He needs all the encouragement he can get right now."

Frank wished he could just nod again and let it slide, but he found that his mouth began moving without his permission. He already felt loyal to Gerard for some unfathomable reason.
"He deserves the encouragement, Mikes; really. The song was really good. He's not so great at playing and singing at the same time, which is why I helped out. But at least ask to take a look at his lyrics. They're really good, and I think he'd appreciate you making the effort."

He was once again remembering how hard it can be when starting out a band to get people to listen to your stuff. It's one of those things that no one really takes seriously; especially family members. In the all-seeing eye of a parent, the desire to start a band in your garage is "just a phase". If someone asked to hear your stuff before you offered (or thrust it upon them) it felt amazing. That was exactly the sort of buzz that would encourage Gerard to continue his endeavours. He also knew that Mikey was a cool enough guy that not only would he take Frank's advice and ask Gerard every question under the sun about the band he wants to start, but he'll genuinely agree that the song is awesome, not just giving his brother pity-praise.

Mikey was staring at Frank with a relaxed smile on his face.
"I should have made more of an effort to get my brother to hang with us before. He could have used a friend like you a long time ago."

Somehow, Frank knew that Mikey was scrutinising his face to check whether his eyes jumped to the opposite end of the bar, so he made a conscious effort to keep them on the younger Way brother rather than skirt over to the elder. The comment had warmed his insides considerably, and he repressed the question of 'why'. He was also glad for the low lighting everywhere but the stage, as he suspected himself of blushing. Smiling, he tapped his glass against Mikey's and took a drink, steeling himself to stick it out for the rest of the night. Nada Surf had dedicated their set to his band; it would be rude to leave before they were done. Frank decided to mentally note how long he managed to make that excuse seem truthful in his brain.

It didn't take long to debunk.

************

Matthew's shout-out did well enough to bag Shaun and Frank another drink and keep them in good supply of conversation for the rest of the evening. They'd even been asked to sign an actual copy of their album for a guy. Their signatures had come out wobbly as fuck, and the only pen available had been a blotchy biro, but the fan seemed impressed nonetheless. Signing autographs wasn't something they were asked to do very often. It was a total novelty, and made them feel as if the entire struggle with the band was actually worth something.

As the night progressed, and fans helped keep Frank happy and relaxed, his glances toward Gerard and his girlfriend grew fewer and far between. He had noticed the two downing a lot of shots, and the stupid grin remain plastered all over Gerard's kiss-stained lips, but not much else.

Conversation no longer needed to be conducted at top volume, as Nada Surf had finished playing around 20 minutes ago. Now that it was easier to talk properly Frank was getting on quite well with Matt, even being invited to call him by his nickname. He was still laughing over one of Otter's dumb jokes when he felt his shoulder being poked again. He turned mid-laugh, expecting the bony digit to belong to Mikey Way, but instead found himself face to face with Gerard.

"Hi" Gerard breathed.

Frank found that his throat closed up in the onslaught of Gerard's easy smile and glassy eyes. He couldn't even twitch his mouth to form a smile in return. He was torn between being overwhelmingly glad that Gerard had finally come back over, and staying a little pissy because he'd stopped paying attention to Pencey's set halfway through.

Gerard seemed a little perturbed at Frank's lack of response, and his mouth fell neutral. Frank suspected Gerard was just about to question him, but the rest of the 'gang' jumped in and greeted him in turn. Whilst Matt and Mikey welcomed him back, and Shaun introduced himself, Frank managed to knock down his expressional wall, and found that the glad smile fit his face far easier than a pissy scowl. Just as Mikey stopped ribbing Gerard over how long he'd taken, his eyes slid cautiously back to Frank. They lit up when he noticed the positivity level had risen.

"Hey" smiled Frank, in a tardy reply.

Gerard leant slightly into his ear, even though there was far less noise to project above now that the bands were done.
"You were amazing up there."

Frank's stomach jittered again, and he couldn't even find the energy to query it. He was just inwardly debating whether he should bring up the fact that Gerard wasn't even paying attention half the time, when he was beaten to it
.
"I was still listening" Gerard assured him, as if he intricately knew the plethora of feelings brewing in Frank's belly. "The whole time."

He couldn't find a trace of falseness amongst the hot-breathed Jersey accent, and it kind of gave him shivers to know that Gerard had been attending to anything other than his girlfriend's lips, and that the "anything" in question had been Frank. Gerard pulled back now, turning to the right, and Frank noticed that the girl had been attached to one of those artist's hands the whole time.

"You already know Matt and Mikey, obviously" Gerard said to her, watching her face with adoration. "But this is Shaun, who I've only just met myself - " Gerard received brownie points for recalling the fresh name with such ease. "- and this is Frank" he gestured.

The girl was visibly taller than Frank, even more so in her high heels and it made him feel increasingly intimidated when attached to her confident smile. She extended her hand, which he judged a slightly strange gesture for a female, but he took it gingerly, not wanting to offend. Her grip was tight, just overly so, and she tossed her blonde locks back over her shoulder before speaking.

"Hi. I'm Kaye."

She isn't from around here Frank noted. Her accent was slightly more southern, without the ever so slight nasal hit that her boyfriend possessed when he spoke. Her emerald eyes weren't shy, and made strong contact with Frank's. She addressed Shaun in the same manner, but softened when she got to Matt; even more so when she got to Mikey. Frank would have been surprised at the ease at which the younger brother managed to keep his anger at bay, but he had known the guy too long to be fooled.

"This umm... she's my... girlfriend" Gerard mumbled, not knowing that Frank had already been informed. They gave each other sideways glances, whilst Kaye withdrew from her final handshake.

"So, KK. Long time no see" smirked Matt, far bolder than Mikey would dare be.
Otter could get away with it though; Gerard needed him for the band, and thus didn't have the luxury to remain angry at him for any lengthy period of time. Matt also didn't have to go home with the guy afterwards, so wouldn't be in such an awkward position by annoying the elder Way. Even so, Gerard shot him a halting look, and slid his arm protectively around Kaye's waist. He jumped in before she could prise apart her pretty little lips and shoot back with a retort.

"Well she's here now, what more do you want?"

Everyone but Gerard had a pre-formed reply in their minds, but knew better than to give it a voice. Kaye still replied as if they had, knowing intuitively what everyone was thinking about her.

"I haven't been around much lately. To anyone" she added pointedly. "Speaking of which, I should probably go mingle a little bit" she said, sliding a hand onto Gerard's chest to indicate she was talking to him.

"I'm gonna do the same" announced Mikey, eager to ease the tension. "Gonna go see Shaun Dylan."
Kaye's eyes lit up with warmth.
"Aww, Dylan's here? I haven't seen him in ages. Whereabouts, Mikes?"

He gestured to the far corner.
"Come with" he suggested companionably. It was clear to Frank that Mikey obviously got on with her okay under normal circumstances, which made him feel a little better. If Mikey was already willing to put aside her recent absence and return to business as usual, Frank figured that he ought to do the same. He wasn't half as involved as Mikey, and would feel a little silly being the overly defensive outsider.

She stepped out of the curve of Gerard's arm, and Frank's heart twinged briefly as Gerard grew visibly anxious, as if letting her go would mean she never came back.

"Y-yeah" he joined in, slurring nervously. "Yeah, let's go."

"Oh don't be silly, GG. Mikey'll look after me. Stay with your friends. I'm well aware I sort of stole you away" she giggled, shooting Frank an impossibly charming smile.

When she turned back to Gerard her curved mouth was generous, encouraging. She was making sure that Gerard paid attention to his manners in much the same way Shaun had done for Frank, but he still got the impression that Gerard would much rather have her beg him to stay by her side. He looked torn, shooting longing glances at her and apologetic reluctant ones to his friends.

Shaun had obviously sussed this out too as he jumped in with "Otter was just saying he'll give me a lift back. Got an early morning, and he wants to head home soon."

Although he now wasn't as eager to leave as he had been before, Frank would have felt awkward sticking around as third wheel, so attempted to opt out in the same manner.
"Oh. No. Don't worry about it, Gerard, I was then gonna head off too."

The lie tickled his tongue, but he knew it was worth it to rid Gerard of his dilemma. Apparently though, Mikey and Kaye were having none of it.

"Frank. Stay" said Mikey, voice firm but not demanding. He had a way of making everything sound logical; well of course, why would he not stay? He turned that same logical look onto his brother. "G, Frank invited us here tonight. Don't be a prick. Hang out. Chill. Socialise. You remember what that means?"

Kaye giggled as Gerard flipped his brother off good-naturedly, relaxing a little. She ran her palm reassuringly over his arm.
"Mikey's right, as usual. We'll say hi for you. You stay and sit with Frank awhile. I'll come find you later, yeah?"

She didn't wait for an answer, simply bouncing on tiptoes up to Gerard's mouth. The kiss was chaste and barely lasted a second, but the intensity on Gerard's face was instant as their lips connected, making Frank feel embarrassed for watching. On her end it was a normal everyday peck to let him know she would see him in a few minutes. In ultimate contrast, Gerard was focused solely on the feel of her lips, eyes crinkling with emotion and hand floating from his side as if to reach Kaye's hip, even though the moment was far too brief for him to ever make it. The look on his face was almost pain-stricken when she pulled away, giggling at his expression and touching the end of his nose with her forefinger.

"You're so clingy when you're drunk, baby." The term of endearment was far from personal, but it still made Gerard flash his small teeth immediately, revealing that in fact she was correct, and a lot of his intensity was due to the alcohol currently coursing through his system.  

With that, Otter and Shaun said goodbye to everyone, and Mikey and Kaye sauntered off to the other side of the club, leaving Frank and his half-drunken companion sitting at the bar. Gerard's eyes followed Kaye across the room until she was lost in the sea of bodies. Surprisingly, when he turned back to Frank, he did look genuinely appreciative of his presence, as if his relationship with Kaye strictly adhered to the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind'. His smile was fluid and inviting, eliminating most of Frank's awkwardness immediately. Before speaking however, he turned his attention to the barman and ordered two more beers.

Frank began to protest that it was his turn to pay, but was swiftly silenced with a blasé gesture of Gerard's arm, as his other handed over the money. When the glass was passed his way, Frank's eyebrows had tensed slightly, embarrassed at being so broke that his friends felt that they had to buy every one of his drinks.

"Hey look, man, this one isn't out of the kindness of my heart" Gerard assured him. "I'm just doing what the dude from Surf told me to do. Don't wanna disrespect his wishes."

Frank couldn't help but smile at that one, and mutter "thank you" before putting the glass to his lips. When he put it back down, Gerard hadn't even touched his, and was just staring at him with a dopey smile on his face. Frank's skin began to itch under such scrutiny, and his eyes darted around a little in nervous confusion.
"...What?"

He was a little startled when Gerard leant forward quick as a flash and gripped one of Frank's hands.

"You were amazing" he gushed. Now that his face was so much closer, Frank could not only smell the alcohol on Gerard's breath but also see how the liquid had tinted the veins in his cheeks to bring him out in a rouge colour. He definitely is sort of drunk. It eased Frank's nerves, bringing him out in another smile. "I really was listening the whole time, Frank, I promise. I mean, I was trying not to; I mean I was kissing Kaye, and that's pretty fucking distracting, y'know? But I couldn't tune you out. Your sound; your band. I can't even- Frank, you were amazing" he reiterated.

With each further drunken compliment, Frank felt his smile increase in size. Although Gerard was drunk, he had no doubt that the words were true. More often than not, drunken declarations revealed absolute truth, normal reservations having been singed away by the potent liquid. ...That's not to say that the lack of reservations didn't sometimes lean more towards exaggeration, but Frank liked to think that the sentiments still originated in Gerard's genuine appreciation for the band's performance.

Recognising that Gerard was even more talkative when drunk, Frank couldn't help but probe for more. He'd spent his evening fretting that Pencey Prep hadn't held Gerard's attention, leading him to seek out other entertainment, so given the opportunity to revoke this worry, he just fucking ran with it.

"Really?" he grinned.

Gerard's eyes widened as if he couldn't believe that Frank doubted himself.
"Of course! I'm really sorry. You must have thought I was really shitty, walking off like that. Did you notice me?"

In the back of his mind, Frank was aware that he was being asked whether he had noticed when Gerard had stopped paying attention whilst he was playing, but the forefront of his mind took the question literally. Had he noticed Gerard? Damn, his eyes had pretty much been fucking glued to him, desperate for his approval. Ever since the 11th Frank hadn't been able to stop noticing Gerard. He was thoroughly fascinating, even though they'd only really hung out twice. And to be perfectly fair, the first time, full of tears and venting, could hardly be defined as "hanging out".

He nodded dumbly, without really processing which version of the question he was responding to. Thankfully Gerard's motor-mouth started up again.
"I just haven't seen her. I haven't seen her in so long, Frank, it feels like so long. I'm really sorry. I was so psyched to come watch you play. Really. You didn't disappoint me, either. You were completely fucking amazing. I got real jealous."

Gerard had let go of Frank's hand by now, instead gesturing his arms wildly as he spoke, trying to emote even further despite it really not being necessary. Frank had propped his head up with one hand, the other resting on his thigh. An eyebrow quirked at the last declaration.

"What do you mean jealous?"

Gerard took a massive gulp of his beer, downing almost half the glass before he went back to his explanation, eyes wide and wild.

"Well, I mean, you're so good at it. This band stuff, you're really good at it. You were at home up there. That's your real home, isn't it? The stage. You fucking owned it. Just singing and playing and acting up to the crowd. It's like you don't care what they all think of you."

"I do" he sighed. "Trust me. I probably shouldn't, but I do."

"Yeah, but you make it look like you don't, you know? You make it look like you couldn't give a shit what the geeky fat dude in the maiden shirt thinks; you're gonna fucking rock out anyway."

Frank's smile fell slightly to hear Gerard refer to himself as fat, but continued to listen, as Gerard kept spewing.

"I couldn't do that shit. I want to. I really want to. I mean, I really love that song. My song. It was perfect when you played it, Frank, it was perfect. I wish it could be like that, all the time, me and you and the guitar showing people what we can do."

As Gerard paused to take a breath the two boys exchanged a silent look. Frank didn't know that Gerard had felt so strongly about the song when they played it together, but then with Mikey bursting in, he supposed there wasn't really a chance to find out. Gerard's words touched him - no one had ever called his playing perfect before - but they both knew that Gerard's wish was neither obtainable nor practical. He needed more than an acoustic guitar to bring that song to its full potential, and Frank hoped that Gerard would keep pushing until he could make that a reality.

"But I wouldn't be able to do it anyway. There's no way I'd be good enough, Frank. I'm no good at anything. I'm too scared. I'm too scared to get up there and have all those eyes on me. I have nothing to offer those people but laughter. Laughing at me as they get a flash of my fat stomach when my bad fitting t-shirt rides up."

"Hey, whoa, stop." This time it was Frank who reached out for Gerard, gripping his forearm tightly and looking straight into his eyes. "Don't talk about yourself like that. If you can make this happen - and I fucking believe you can, Gerard Way - you'll have everything to offer that crowd. Even if your fucking t-shirt rides up and they're lucky enough to catch a little skin. They'll be too damn into your music to worry about whether you're carrying a little extra weight along the belt line."

Gerard stared back, drunken wavering eyes attempting to hold Frank's gaze as best he could, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth before he timidly spoke.

"You think that?"
"I know that. Besides, you're not half as big as you think you are."

Gerard didn't smile, grateful for the compliment, but simply reached for his glass and drained the rest of the contents. He didn't pull away from Frank's grasp on his arm, but craned his head, scanning the club once more to try and catch a glimpse of Kaye.
"Shouldn't she be back already?" he wondered aloud.

Frank couldn't help but feel intensely offended, and took his hand off Gerard immediately, snatching it back as if the limb had been stolen rather than freely offered. Surprisingly, Gerard noticed the cold patch where Frank's palm had been, and looked down at it in confusion, pursing his lips.

"Jesus Christ, Gerard, we've only been sitting here five fucking minutes" he grumbled. As he locked eyes with the barman again he considered only ordering one beer for himself out of spite, but thought better of it at the last second. "Same again" he sighed angrily.

I know where I'm not wanted. I'm not that much of an idiot. Gerard was clearly not in the mood to hang out with anyone besides his girlfriend. Frank just wished that his inebriated state wouldn't allow him to be so blunt about it. It made him feel like such an idiot.

The funny thing was he usually wasn't this easily offended. Even if offended, he was good at passing it off as nothing. Time with the band had taught him that much; even if their words cut deep, you couldn't let them know it. You had to stay strong, even if just on the surface. Apparently that wasn't the case with Mikey's brother. Frank had tried all week not to take it personally that he hadn't been permitted to see him, but had failed tonight at not caring that Gerard's eyes had been glued to a girl rather than his band. He'd been moping around ever since coming off stage, and however much he tried to tell himself it wasn't to do with Gerard, he wasn't quite able to escape the truth. Now the guy couldn't even stick talking to him for five minutes at the bar. It made him feel sick how much he pined for this guy's approval, and basically threw his money at the barman in frustration.

His heart leapt into his throat when he felt Gerard's hand on his face, turning his head back around again. He batted the hand away hastily, embarrassed at how quickly his cheeks had warmed, but obliged by looking in the requested direction.
"What?" he snapped.

"I'm hurting you." Frank's eyes widened at the serious tone, oblivious to being so transparent, especially to a drunk guy. "I don't mean to. You don't understand."

Gerard's face was creased in a negative emotion that Frank couldn't quite decipher. He'd have guessed anger, if it wasn't for the perfectly calm reasoning when Gerard spoke. It was some strange mixture of pacifistic anger, sadness, guilt and pleading. His damaged eyes implored Frank to loosen up, the angry tension draining from his shoulders and relaxing his facial features. It was in that moment that he took conscious note of the knowledge that Gerard was clinically depressed. Perhaps he should cut the guy some slack; give him the chance to explain himself.

"Make me" Frank demanded quietly. "Make me understand. What's wrong?" He was almost startled when Gerard laughed, but not quite. He was quickly getting used to Gerard's bizarre emotional displays. "Gerard, it's okay. I get it. You just want to hang out with your girlfriend tonight. It's not a problem. Really."

The older boy smiled, pulling his crumpled cigarette packet from his pocket. He withdrew one of the sticks and silently slipped it between Frank's lips before retrieving one for himself. It was only once he'd lit up and taken his first drag that he passed the lighter to Frank and replied.

"Would you tell people things about me?" He exhaled his smoke slowly, as he watched Frank's eyebrows furrow. He didn't bother to wait for his question to be queried. "If I told you something, would you tell other people? Would you tell Mikey or Matt or Shaun?"

Taking a drag on his cigarette, Frank reached down the bar to pull a heavy ashtray to rest between the two of them. He shook his head as he opened his mouth and began to let the smoke drift out languidly. Impatient, he blew out the rest in a hurry.
"Not if you didn't want me to. No."

Gerard leant a little further forward than necessary as he deposited some ash into the small bowl.

"I don't want you to."

Frank nodded, absently wondering how much of this behaviour was inherently Gerard and how much of it was alcohol-induced.

It was only now that Gerard's eyes focused somewhere other than Frank. He watched his own hand as he flicked his cigarette against the edge of the ash tray, and then kept his gaze there when he brought it back to his mouth. He took another drag, before raising that same hand and rubbing the pad of his thumb along his hairline as he spoke.

"I need her."

Frank felt the onset of confusion again at this seemingly anti-climatic statement. That's what most couples tend to think about each other, isn't it? Admitting that he needed her wasn't exactly something that others would ridicule him for. However, Frank was beginning to learn that nothing Gerard said was ever simple. There was always a second part to the story, which is why he didn't voice his confusion, merely taking another mouthful of his drink and putting the cigarette back in his mouth.

"...But she's not my girlfriend."

The cigarette smoke got caught halfway on Frank's inhale and he managed to splutter as half continued on the journey into his lungs, whereas the other half already began to drift out again. Gerard merely smiled half-heartedly up at him as he waited for Frank to resume breathing air.
"What?"

"It's easier to tell people that, you know? I mean, we've been seeing each other a while, but sometimes we see other people too. We just keep it kinda casual, you know?"

This was the first time Frank had felt wary about believing Gerard's words. It wasn't exactly a strange situation, a couple of young adults keeping their relationship open and slightly less serious. In fact, most people would argue that it's healthy. However, the way that Gerard was still gazing fixedly at the ashtray and not at Frank's face made him feel uneasy about taking the words as cold hard truth.

"You see other people?"

The lighting in the club wasn't great, but Frank could still see enough to notice Gerard's eyebrows drawing together as he continued to smoke. He took his time finishing the cigarette, knowing that Frank was waiting on his reply, but with no apparent intention to give him one. As he began to crush the butt into the bowl, he kept his eyes on what he was doing, as if putting out a cigarette required intense concentration. Frank got bored waiting, and gently probed a little more.

"Gerard, it's only her who dates other people."

It wasn't a question, but Gerard's first words confirmed it immediately.
"There's nothing wrong with that, Frank" Gerard stated bluntly. "She just- she doesn't want anything serious right now."
"...But you do. ...You don't want to date other people. You just want her."

Gerard finally stopped staring at the ashtray, and let his broken eyes find Frank's. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, finding a retort and then casting it aside. He settled back on his original declaration.

"...I need her."  

He wasn't going to say anything more than that, but Frank knew exactly what Gerard was trying to convey in those three little words. Hell, most of the entire Pencey Prep discography was borne out of his heartbreak from a previous relationship. Frank knew exactly what it was like to find that girl that made you actually feel like part of the crowd for once. To suddenly become the guy whose name everyone knows, because he's the luckiest fuck alive for being the guy that she wants. The girl who could wipe away all of your little petty insecurities just with a smile. The girl who made you feel like you were actually worth something, even if your only purpose in life was to make her happy. The girl who actually made you feel like a man.

Yeah, he needed her. Frank knew just how badly Gerard felt he needed Kaye. And knowing just how little else Gerard had in his life, Frank was strongly inclined to believe it. However he also knew how weak this realisation could make you feel. He hopped off his barstool, and leant on tiptoes, wrapping his arms around Gerard's neck.

Gerard went rigid immediately, but Frank didn't relent.

"I know what she means to you" he spoke onto the shell of Gerard's ear. "Trust me, I know. Just don't forget that you have other people too. You have Mikey and Otter. You have me."

It was at that last addition that Gerard relaxed and threw his arms around Frank's torso, squeezing tightly.

"Frankie" he gasped, fisting his hands in Frank's t-shirt. Frank nuzzled into Gerard's neck in response. He sounded almost close to tears, overly emotional due to the sheer number of shots he'd downed that night. "Frank, I'm nothing without her."

"You're wrong, you're so wrong. You're so much, Gerard. You're so, so much. You're everything. You can be everything." Frank wasn't even sure what he was talking about anymore, simply babbling whatever came to his head without spot-checking, just desperate to soothe his friend's pain. The alcohol had begun to affect him more than he realised, but there was no stopping the word-vomit now, not when Gerard's breaths were that laboured in emotion against Frank's collarbone. Gerard pushed him back, instead holding Frank at arm's length, crazy eyes flitting over his face in search for honesty.

Frank's alcohol-ridden stomach tripped successively as he noticed Gerard's gaze lingering more and more often at his mouth. His lungs were working in overtime in response to this realisation, inhaling and expelling breath far quicker than necessary. The more Gerard stared at his lips, the harder his breath came. The harder his breath came, the more Gerard stared at his lips. Eventually the elder pair of hazel eyes gave up the pretence and fell stationary.

"...You have me" Frank breathed, voice barely above a whisper, licking the lips that Gerard was fixated on.

His eyes flickered just as Gerard looked like he was going to lean forward, and he cursed out loud, jerking his arms away from Gerard's touch as he noticed Mikey and Kaye walking back over, thankfully too engrossed in conversation to notice whatever the fuck was happening just mere seconds beforehand. Gerard didn't even flinch, immediately realising what was happening. He sighed loudly and lit another cigarette, before craning his head and grinning in Kaye's direction, extending his other hand to capture hers as she came closer. Frank suddenly became overly enticed by his beer, and gulped the rest of the liquid down as Kaye greeted her non-boyfriend with a kiss on the neck he had just been nuzzling into.

Frank awkwardly welcomed them back; inwardly cursing their return, wondering what the hell would have happened if they'd been gone any longer. He listened nervously to the recounted tale of their conversation with this Shaun Dylan character, nodding where appropriate, glad that Gerard had picked up the slack, answering with actual English.

When the guy in question made his way over, apparently eager to talk to Gerard, Frank made a hasty excuse to leave. It wasn't exactly a lie, he did have band practise in the morning. It was pretty late by that point, so no one really made any attempt to persuade him to stay, which he was thankful for. He said his goodbyes, making sure to look at Gerard so as not to indicate any awkwardness to the other three, but he was so drunk that none of his actions were exactly executed fluidly. In the brief exchange he'd had with Gerard's eyes one final time, he detected a hint of fear in the hazel hue, which he was sure he mirrored, heart hammering a million miles a minute until he got out of the club as quickly yet casually as he could.

Jesus shit. The second he stepped into the crisp night air he rolled a joint with trembling digits, and smoked as much of the thing as he could possibly handle on the brisk walk home. He was desperate to feel chilled out again before he tried to process what he'd just told Gerard.

The walk home didn't take long, and he flicked the spent roach over into his neighbour's front garden as he exhaled the last of his smoke. Frank only slid his key into the front door once he was sure the cherry had ceased burning. Snagging a bottle of beer from the fridge he practically floated upstairs to his room. Crawling under the comforter, he fought the urge to spark up again, instead unscrewing the lid on his beer. His head was practically swimming; he wouldn't be able to handle another toke even if he wanted to. It was only after the empty bottle lay on his bedroom floor that he allowed himself to ponder over the night's events.

His own words echoed inside his hazy skull. 'You have me?'  ...Fuck.

He groaned lazily and softly as he recognised the implications his emphasis had made. Gerard's drunken face filtered slowly back into his mind and Frank let out a soft exasperated giggle when he couldn't quite suppress his smile. He threw his forearm over his face and settled down to try and sleep, deliberately refusing to think about said implications.

Fuck.