Early Mourning

"Just stop it Dane!" He screamed, thrashing against this beast inside me. It shoved him down onto the carpet floor where the air was stolen from his lungs. He rolled over and I kicked him, making his head rock back into the wall. A framed painting tumbled to the floor and scratched his gorgeous pale skin. He yelped and looked up at me, his bright blue eyes bloodshot and filled with tears. He sobbed loudly, shaking his head and trying to crawl away. I snarled and dashed after him, my hands gripping onto his shoulders and pulling him off the ground roughly.

Believe me when I say this, it wasn't me laying my hands on him like this, it was this monster. This monster that loved pushing him around and inflicting pain upon him. This sick disgusting beast that took joy in his tears, blood and bruises. This monster lurked in the back of my mind, hiding in a dark cave because it was jealous. Jealous of others happiness and perfection while it was ugly and unhappy. It thrived on pain and lived to make others suffer.

My hands grabbed at his wrist, squeezing them tightly until they were marks from my fingers. My nails dug into his skin and I clenched my teeth, blinded by the monsters anger. I pushed his body against the wall and bit at his neck drawing blood and licking it like a vampire. His blond curls tickled my skin and his small body shook under me. My heart was screaming obscenities at me. It squeezed tightly and tried slapping sense into me but the monster couldn't be stopped. And it wouldn't stop not unless....

"Dane, you're hurting me so much." He whimpered, his voice shaking and sounding weak. Julian stopped fighting against me and that was when I came back to my sense. That was when I pushed the beast away. I threw him into his cave and commanded him to stay there. I let Julian go, his body falling to the floor and slumping over.

"Jules." I whispered, getting onto my knees as silent tears began to fall from my eyes. I just looked at him. I examined the damage that had been done and my breath caught in my throat. My heart shredded itself into pieces and I cradled his face in my hands making him look at me.

"I didn't mean it..." I cried. Julian nodded his head and smiled softly at me, his eyes half lidded and filled with exhaustion. "I'm sorry." I told him, pulling him into my lap and rocking him back and fourth in the hallway. I held him so close and my hands rubbed his body as my lips kissed all over his face.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I kept repeating the words over and over again out loud.

"I'm so, so sorry."

But the monster inside me wasn't.