Early Mourning

I'm not okay.

I promise.

"Dane?"I heard Julian whisper softly. I looked up from my place on the floor, my fingers pausing from typing up an assignment. Julian sat up in bed. The window was open and the light from the moon made the moment feel like one from a movie. I knew I was staring at him, but I couldn't help it.

"Hm?" I hummed in response to him. Julian rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" he asked. I smiled sheepishly and glanced down at the laptop's little screen.

"It's three in the morning. . ." I trailed off. Julian sighed and patted the spot beside him. I saved my assignment and turned of the laptop, placing it on the floor. I stood up and stretched fully aware of my shirt riding up and revealing my stomach. Julian giggled and I smiled at him. I slipped off my skinny jeans and slipped into bed with him, pulling him close and kissing his head.


"Dane? What's wrong? Dane. . . ?" I could hear Larson's voice in my ears, I could feel his hands gently shaking my shoulder but I just shook my head and hugged him tighter. My fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt as I continued sobbing.

"Fucking pick it up" I growled, starring at Julian. His small body trembled as he got to his knees and started picking up the shattered glass from the picture frames I had knocked down again. "I can't believe you," I hissed, "I told you not to fucking use the money." I punched the wall beside me.

"Dane? Dane, calm down" Larson begged. I shook my head.

I don't know why I had come to Larson. Usually when I got this bad I'd just sit in my closet and let it pass but a small part of me was getting tired of being alone. The monster yelled at me in it's strange demonic language and I just hugged Larson tighter. I shouldn't have brought that bear out of the closet. . . I shouldn't have allowed it to trigger old memories.

"Dane you're hurting me..." Larson said.

"Dane,you're hurting me so much. . ."

I let go of Larson quickly, shoving myself away from him and jumping up from the spot on the couch. I backed up into the wall and furiously shook my head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I kept repeating, hearing my voice crack.

Enrique entered the room, his smile turning into a frown once he saw my face.

"Dane, calm down" Larson instructed, cautiously walking over to me. Enrique followed his actions.

"Dane honey, calm down, 'Kay?" Enrique said soothingly. "Just breathe" Larson, I looked at him, eyes staring into his.

I got lost. Maybe for a second or a few minutes but when I finally stopped looking Larson in the eyes and at his face, I nodded my head and just breathed, like he instructed to.

I'm so fucked up in the head.