Early Mourning

It feels good to be happy for once.

It feels good to take a step back and look at my life and know that although it was once unbearable, it no longer is at the level it once was.

I felt good to have someone wash my hair, comb it and cut it. I enjoyed swinging around in the chair, laughing and making small talk with James and Enrique.

For once I felt normal.

I felt okay.

It was okay to smile. It was okay to be happy.

It was okay to relax and just let go, float away from everything that had been bothering me.

Hell, it even felt nice when Enrique continuously complimented me on my hair and my face structure. He even pinched my cheeks because I was so 'adorable'. And when Jame frowned from the lack of attention, Enrique cooed to him that he was still loved.

Watching the two baby each other was at times a bit gross. The amount of cuteness just made me want to throw up, but their actions also poked at my insides because I know Julian and I use to be the same way.




I don't think I could be like that with someone again. I don't know if I could ever be with someone in that way again.

But I know that having Larson around brings me comfort.




Maybe . . . just maybe . . .

"Dane? Where do you live?" James asks, peering through me at in the rear view mirror. I star at him blankly, appalled by the fact that I didn't even remember getting in the car. Enrique looked at me apologetically.

I knew that I was suppose to help keep James busy, but I thought maybe I'd help longer? The dashboard clock notified me that there was plenty of time left before the surprise party.



"Oh yeah, it's. . ." I began, stating the directions like a robot.

Going home from college, I would get lost a lot.

As James continued the way to my residence, I quickly pulled out my phone and sent Larson a text.

Me: Want to hang out?
Larson: Sure.