Early Mourning

”I only need you to understand”

Those words played a lot in my head in the days, weeks, and months after Dane left. I often found myself everything that happen that night. It took me some time to actually process what he said.

I had known from the beginning that he was struggling and dealing with something personal but I never imagined it would be this.

Finding out about his past relationship was difficult. I couldn’t imagine him being like that to someone else. It didn't make sense to me at first. How could someone like him do that to someone else?

But then again people are complex and their past experiences always shape who they are.

At first I found it unsettling that Dane was abusive in his past relationship. That is some serious shit.

Did I want to be in a relationship with someone who has that type of history?

But then I also couldn’t help but think about how he looked when I found him sitting at my door that morning. He looked like he had been through hell, and for him it probably felt like it.

So I tried to rationalize by looking at the bigger picture. Dane was honest with me, but more importantly himself. He recognized that he had some bad habits and left to fix himself.

That’s what you're supposed to do in that situation; I would have done the same thing.

So I do understand.

But I also missed him.

I missed what we had, but also knew that the timing wasn’t right and if we had starting being exclusive things could have been . . . not what I hopped.

I had a long talk with Enrique and Jude about it. Jude gave me the story of what his cousin had been through. I listened and sympathize because shit, no one deserves that.

But seeing as Dane had left town, we just reached a point of mutual understanding. Even then my friendship with them faltered.

Working at the cafe wasn’t as good as it had been and it had nothing to do with Enrique or Jude, but more of just the management on the place. That shop started to struggle and I just felt like I had to leave. Enrique wanted a career change so he quiet. I wanted a change of scenery so I quiet. . .

. . . and found myself as a manager for a trendy cafe in the town over.

With my previous experience I worked my way from being a barista all the way to one of the managers. It was actually kinda nice, and sometimes teaching the high school barista was funny.

I hear the bell above the door jingle, signalling that another customer has walked on. I’m unwrapping a stack of reusable coffee cups and finish right when the customer reachers the counter. I automatically use my best customer service voice, welcoming to the store and asking what I can help them with.

“Hi, can I try your mocha?”

My ears appreciate the strangers voice. It’s timid but trying. They sound cute. Like a guy.

“Yeah,” I start looking for the drink on the computer system in front of me. “What size?”

“Medium is fine.”

“Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

“Yeah. . . actually. . .”

That’s usually a sign that someone is looking at our pastries, so I look up from the screen, ready to promote our most popular item but I lose my breath.

Standing in front of me is a very attractive person. Their brown hair is short and it throws me off because the longer I look at them the more I realize how familiar they are. It’s the green eyes that remind me.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date?”

It’s Dane. It’s actually him. Dane has changed. He looks healthy, he looks happy. His hair is different and he switched out the gauges in his ears. His clothes are still simple but they fit him well and have color and pattern.

All I can do is stare at him and smile.

“Yeah, I’d love to.”