Early Mourning

"Dane you're the best!" Julian shrieked, his big blue eyes lighting up at the sight of the big rainbow bear in my hands. Julian grabbed the bear and hugged it to his chest, smiling like a little kid. "Thank you," he whispered, standing on his toes to give me a kiss. I grinned and wrapped my arms around him, leaning down so he didn't have to try meeting my height.

"Anything for you, love" I responded caressing his face and kissing his forehead.

Julian grinned, "You're amazing Dane." He told me, nuzzling his face into the stuffed toy. "Thank you, but you're more" I grabbed my boyfriends hand and began to gently tug towards the Ferris Wheel. I pointed at it and Julian quickly nodded his head and squealed.

He quickly dashed to the ride, leaving me behind and I quickly ran after him. He expected me to catch him and once I spotted him waiting in line I suck up behind him.

"Boo!" I screamed, grabbing the attention of others and causing Julian to jump. I began to laugh, the sight cracking me up. "Dane!" Julian whined, stomping his feet like a child. I chuckled and shook my head, pulling him into my arms and kissing his nose.

"Meanie" He whispered, giving me a kiss. I smiled and nuzzled his cheek.

"But I'm you're meanie" I told him.

"That's the best part" he said softly. We quickly got on the ride, the ground growing farther and farther away as we went higher into the air. Julian looked at the fair grounds, his eyes filled with wonder.

"Dane I'm glad you took me out tonight, with finals about to happen and all, I've been too busy studying to come and see you" Julian looked over at me and I nodded my head, I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him into me, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah I thought this would be good, not only for us as a couple but us as teens who've spent too much time studying and need a little break to take of the stress" I reasoned, Julian nodded in agreement. The cart jerked to a stop causing us to swing back and forth. I looked around and realized we had reached the top.

"Julian" I called, catching his attention. The blue eyed boy look up at me innocently, causing the air to escape my lungs. I smiled at him softy and cupped his face with my hand. Julian smiled and leaned forward, our lips meeting . He held me close to him for a couple moments and then let go, pulling the bear in his lap and snuggling into my side.

"I love you" he sang quietly. I smiled and kissed his head, "I love you too."

I sat at the edge of my bed, the rainbow bear placed on a chair in front of me. I stared blankly a it, trying desperately to not think about the memories that came with the toy. It had been in my closet for months, I only took it out moments ago.

I heard myself sniffled and then I gave in, tears falling freely and sobs escaping my chest. I grabbed the bear and hugged it , laying on my side as I continued to cry.

I promise you, I loved Julian with all my heart and I still do.

But that fucking monster had to influence me and drive him away.

"I just wish you're doing better with out me" I whispered.