Let the Flames Begin

I woke up on the hard ground of the local park. Sleeping rough was starting to get the better of me. My back was killing me and my hair could no longer be tamed. I pulled it up into a messy ponytail and hoped for the best, standing up and stretching, before attempting to straighten out my crinkled clothes. I barely had any others. Robbie was still sound asleep on the thin mattress underneath the makeshift shelter we’d built together. It was sort of pathetic, and as I looked down at her, I could feel my heart shattering within my chest. I felt absolutely useless. I couldn’t even provide a proper home for the kid. If I was her real mother, I’d be failing at parenting big time.

I sighed and stretched again, allowing my body to fully wake up, not noticing the entire person standing there watching me until it was too late.

“Ryder?” Taylor’s voice drifted across the small clearing, and he squinted at me, as if he wasn’t sure it was really me. I think my heart stopped beating. What would he think of me now? I pretended it wasn’t me and turned away, convinced that he would completely overlook the situation and just leave.

He didn’t.

“Ryder?” This time his voice was louder, piercing through the thick silence of the park. I ignored him again and retreated to the shelter, sitting down beside Robbie. I just wanted to disappear. It was all too embarrassing and now he would know better than anyone that I wasn’t worthy. “Please, don’t run away,” Taylor called out. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

He was speaking to me like I was some sort of wounded animal. ‘I’m not going to hurt you?’ What wasthat? People didn’t mean it when they said they weren’t going to hurt you. People could make all the damn promises they wanted. But none of them were ever true. Promises are only made to be broken.

“Just leave, Taylor!” I yelled, tears cascading down my face.

“Ryder, please! Just talk to me!” Taylor yelled back. I could hear his footsteps getting closer. I pulled Robbie into my arms and held her tightly, rocking her back and forth, my face buried in her shoulder. She remained asleep, hardly bothered by all the commotion. I had no idea why I was even crying. I was never this emotional. It was all so ridiculous.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced up into Taylor’s concerned face. “Ryder, please tell me what’s going on,” he said softly, brushing a loose strand of hair back behind my ear. “Can’t you tell by just fucking looking at me?” I retorted, suddenly angry. “I’m pathetic, Taylor!”

“You’re not pathetic, Ryder. You’re beautiful and talented and amazing. You’ve just had a bit of bad luck, is all.” I stared at him. The way he’d said it made it all sound so easy. Just a bit of bad luck. Like if I had a penny and I threw it into a well and wished for things to get better, maybe, just maybe, they would. Like my entire life was completely dependent on luck. Just the thought of it was ridiculous, and I told him that.

“That’s ridiculous,” I said. “Life isn’t dependant on luck.”

“Maybe,” Taylor replied. “But it’s pretty lucky that you stumbled into our auditions, don’t you think?” I rolled my eyes and found myself smiling at the boy with the bright red beanie and the cute little smirk. “C’mon,” he said, holding out his hand for me. I took it easily in mine, and just like that, it felt like everything might be okay. Taylor scooped up Robbie easily into his arms and carried her, as I followed slowly behind. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t understand how this boy who I hardly even knew could be so kind to me and why he would even bother with a lost cause like me.

When we reached the outskirts of the park, Taylor led me over to his small car where he gently placed Robbie in the back seat. There was no waking that girl up. I climbed into the front seat reluctantly and put my seatbelt on, staring straight ahead to avoid Taylor’s gaze. He started the car and drove at a steady pace through Franklin, the radio softly playing in the background to break up the silence.

“Where are we going?” I asked him after about fifteen minutes, my curiosity and impatience getting the better of me. “My house,” Taylor replied, flipping on his indicator and turning down a tree-lined street. “Why?”

Taylor glanced sideways at me and raised an eyebrow, as if the answer to my question was obvious. It wasn’t. But when he didn’t add anything more, I sighed and leant back in my seat, waiting it out. He’d say something eventually, right?

The car stopped in front of a small brick house with a nice front garden. Taylor parked in the driveway in front of the garage before killing the engine and getting out, opening my door for me and retrieving Robbie from the back seat. I closed the car doors for him as he carried Robbie up the front steps and struggled to unlock the front door. I took the keys from him and opened the door, pushing it open so that he could go through.

Taylor’s house was not at all what I had been expecting. I had been expecting a messy bachelor pad, complete with dirty dishes, week-old pizza boxes and clothes littering the floor. What I saw instead was an immaculately clean house, decorated in a simple fashion. The second I walked over the threshold it felt like home. The house had a nice smell, too, one that I couldn’t quite explain properly or label exactly. I followed Taylor to the living room, where he placed Robbie carefully on the bright red couch that dominated the room. He left and disappeared into another room before returning with a blanket and a pillow. He placed the pillow carefully under Robbie’s head and draped the blanket over her peaceful, sleeping form.

I started crying again. The whole scene broke my heart. These simple things that Taylor had provided in mere seconds, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even provide Robbie with a place to live, a comfortable place to sleep, somewhere safe to call home.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Taylor whispered, when he noticed me crying. I shook my head and wiped the tears away roughly with the back of my hand. “Nothing,” I muttered, the crack in my voice giving me away. Before I knew it, Taylor had his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders and I was crying softly into his chest. I moved my arms up to grip him around his small waist, letting myself go completely. For so long, I’d been the one to comfort other people. I’d been the one looking after Robbie without realising that maybe I needed some looking after myself. All those times when I felt so worthless and pathetic, I just needed this to make it all better. I just needed a hug.

And somehow, Taylor had known that. He’d provided it without me even asking. He’d known. I couldn’t thank him enough, but I would sure as hell try. “Thank you, Taylor,” I whispered into his chest. “I mean it.”

“It’s no problem, Ryder. I have two spare rooms and no one living in them.” I almost starting choking right then and there. “What?” I asked him, incredulous. I pulled away from him to stare. “What?” He said, the face of innocence. He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “Is this some kind of joke?” I sputtered, unable to even fathom the idea. “No, it’s not. Why would you even think that? I want you and Robbie to live with me, Ryder,” Taylor said, a small smile playing on his lips. A few tears slipped down my face and I wiped them away quickly.

“I can’t accept this. I can’t ask you to do that for me,” I said.

“Good. Because you’re not asking me, I’m telling you. I’m offering you a place to live.” The way Taylor said it made it sound like the most simple and easiest thing in the world. I shook my head and looked down at my feet. “I have nothing to offer you in return,” I said softly. “It’s too much.”

“No it’s not,” Taylor whispered, his breath warm against my cheek. My heart rate accelerated at his closeness. He held my chin up with one of his hands, forcing me to look at him. “Please let me help you, Ryder. Let me in.” His eyes bored into mine and I found myself unable to look away. No one had wanted to be let into my life, ever. And he was asking, and my heart, although battered and surrounded by heavy walls, already knew the answer.

And so I simply nodded, before falling easily into his embrace.