Let the Flames Begin

The tour bus is an interesting way of living. That’s just to put it lightly. I don’t know what I expected, but I thought it’d be somewhat clean. I shouldn’t have had such high expectations, touring with all boys, except for Hayley, Andy and myself. You couldn’t see the floor in our bus. There was shit falling out of everyone’s bunks, and a weird smell lingered around Jeremy’s.

There was no time for cleaning, or trying to maintain any sort of order. Every spare minute we had, we were ushered to interviews, photo shoots or video conferences with our label. When we weren’t doing those things, we were practicing.

All this preparation led up to our very first show. I was already overly nervous, and the fact that the show had sold out only made me feel more anxious. People held their expectations for the “new paramore” up high, and I didn’t want to let them down.

We all had pre-show jitters. We The Kings were currently playing their set and The Cab had already been on. Our set was only fifteen minutes away. Hayley was pacing the room we were all waiting in, doing vocal exercises to herself. Andy was sitting on the couch next to Jeremy, bouncing her legs up and down and hitting her drum sticks against her knees. Taylor was asleep on the floor.

I looked at my boyfriend and smiled, before nudging him in the side with my foot. He stirred but didn’t wake, his arms wrapped around his own torso. “Taylor’s out,” I said, “looks permanent.” Andy’s immediate response was to hurl one of her drum sticks at his head. It got lodged in one of his ears and he jolted awake, sitting up in shock before tearing the stick out of his ear.

Confusion was written all over his face and it made him look even more adorable. “Andy!” he complained groggily, tossing the stick back at her.

“I don’t want it now!” she said. “It’s got your ear wax all over it!”

“Guys,” Jeremy said. “Cool it.”

“Yes, Dad,” Andy droned, a silly grin on her face. I snorted in laughter and looked at Taylor, who was patting down his hair. It still stuck out at odd angles and he resorted to putting his red beanie on top of it instead.

“This is the big one,” Jeremy said, “make it or break it.”

“Don’t make it sound so monumental,” I said, “I just might piss myself.” Andy roared with laughter on the couch, throwing her head back. She’d chosen to wear the same shirt she’d worn to her very first audition to be in Paramore as it held sentimental value. I’d chosen purple skinny jeans and a black tank top. I somewhat matched Hayley, who was wearing red skinny jeans and one of her homemade B.O.Y tank tops.

“Guys, you’re on in five,” a crew member informed us, sticking his head in the door before disappearing.

“Someone get Ryder a diaper,” Andy laughed. “Just in case.”

“Fuck you, man!” I smirked, striding over to the couch to shove the drummer in the shoulder.

“This is the start of the rest of our lives,” Hayley said. We all looked at her as she came over to the rest of us. We formed a tight circle and put our arms around each other’s shoulders, bowing our heads in the middle as Taylor and Hayley prayed. I’d never really been religious, or chosen to believe in anything, but Taylor was helping me.

The chants of the crowd reached the room we were waiting in, and we all walked out into the hall and towards the stage, our arms linked. We walked side my side as a team, ready to take on whatever the world had to throw at us. At the side of the stage, crew member handed us our instruments and we all headed out on stage, nothing but a sheet between us and the masses that would judge us and determine our future.

I looked back at Andy, who looked right at home behind her kit, drum sticks in hand. Taylor nodded at her and she began, bashing on her set, her hair flying in all directions, as lights illuminated the stage and Taylor and I started playing the melody. The sheet dropped and I stared out at all the people in front of us. They went all the way my eyes could see.

I closed my eyes and leant forward, playing my guitar and trying to block it all out – I didn’t want to become too overwhelmed and mess up completely. We opened with ‘Ignorance’ which was one of the most popular songs off the most recent record. It was my favourite one to play, because it was a lot faster and raw than the others.

When Hayley held the microphone out to the crowd, I don’t know what I expected. I’d never been to a concert before; I’d never been able to afford the tickets. All the bands I listened to were far gone, anyway – most of them dead. Taylor, Jeremy, Andy and I all stopped playing our instruments and Hayley held her mic out to the crowd. They screamed “ignorance is your new best friend!” right back at us, before we started up again.

I was completely in shock. I had never experienced anything like it before. I wondered what it felt like to be in the crowd – to be in the same room as the band you’d loved for years. I imagined what it would be like to stand in the same room as my idol, Kurt Cobain, and watch him strut around the stage, the microphone clutched tightly in his sweaty hands. What must it feel like, to be right in front of the person you idolised, the person you aspired to be?

I picked out faces in the crowd, smiled at them, shouted lyrics at them, stopped playing momentarily during one song to grab their hands. There are no words to adequately describe everything I felt that night during the show.

It was like the crowd breathed life into Hayley. The Hayley I knew was quiet and reserved. She became a completely different person onstage, wildly thrashing her head to the beat, her bright hair streaming out behind her. She joked with the crowd, danced stupidly, and smiled like I have never seen anyone smile before. I was sure that the hundreds of cameras in the crowd were capturing a moment of pure happiness unlike any other on earth.

After we played through our first three songs, we stopped for Hayley to talk to the crowd. I switched guitars and worked on making sure mine was properly tuned, fiddling around with it. Taylor had taught me how to do it properly.

“Hey, New York City!” Hayley screamed. “Thanks so much for coming out and hanging with us tonight! Oh, man. This is just incredible. We would not be here without you guys, so thanks for sticking with us!” The crowd roared with cheers and shouts of encouragement in response.

“Now, I believe we have some business to attend to,” Hayley said, her smile growing wider. “Formal introductions are in order. Do you guys know Andy and Ryder?” The crowd cheered louder – something I didn’t think was possible.

“Oh, what’s that? I can’t hear you!” Hayley jeered. The crowd started chanting “Andy! Ryder!” over and over and over again. My whole body was tingling and my insides erupted with butterflies. My heart was beating so fast it felt as though it would leap right out my chest.

“For those of you who don’t know,” Hayley continued, “I’ll tell you! My friends, we are Paramore!” The crowd cheered loudly as we launched into one of my personal favourites, ‘That’s What You Get.’ During the song, Hayley held the mic out for the crowd to sing the whoa’s and they never let us down. My favourite part was when we all jumped together at the same time, the crowd joining in. During ‘Emergency,’ every member of our band was head banging in perfect synchronisation. It was so exhilarating, and too amazing for words.

The highlight of the whole show, however, was our final song before we left and came back for the encore. It had become an anthem for the re-birth of Paramore, and we all held it close to our hearts. ‘Looking Up’ was another of my favourites, and when we built up to the final chorus, everyone in the room was singing like their lives depended on it.

God knows the world doesn’t need another band, whoa, whoa,
But what a waste it would have been, whoa, whoa.
I can’t believe we almost hung it up! Whoa, whoa!
We’re just getting started! Oh, we’re just getting started!

No song could have been more relevant for our band. That song was our band, perfectly described what we all stood for. We were here to stay and we weren’t ever giving up. Paramore was back – this time, for good.

This became even more evident, as we exited the stage, waving at the sea of fans on our way. We waited at the side of the stage as the chants built up, until I was more than sure they could be heard all over the world. We walked back on stage for our encore, the crowds still chanting our band’s name. ‘Misery Business’ was one of the biggest sing-a-longs I have ever witnessed, and ‘Brick By Boring Brick’ tore through the place, the crowd’s ba da ba’s echoing and nearly blowing the roof off the place at the end.

Our last song of our encore was ‘Monster,’ our newest track that had only been released for barely a week. The reaction to this was absolutely unbelievable. The crowd responded like they were hearing their favourite song for the very first time. I was more than surprised when they sang every word back to us, jumping up and down with smiles on their faces, like they were having the time of their lives.

At the conclusion of our almost two hour-long set, we all walked to the front of the stage to stand on the amps, hold hands, and take our first bow as the new Paramore. Camera flashes almost blinded us, as we all grinned stupidly and looked at each other. I could tell by the looks on the faces of my band member’s that we were all thinking the same thing.

This is just the beginning.