And I Think I'll Try Any


There was a certain rush in my body as I stepped into the Starbucks, where Ryan and I had once spent many afternoons in. The sound of indie music and the vibrations of cell phones were in my blood. The bass drum that was my heart was pounding in time. This was it.

I had taken a seat in the back. It was where we usually sat. I didn’t want to get a drink just yet. It had to wait. There was more to this than just sipping coffee. I came to get Ryan back. He had to at least come back to me. He didn’t need to come back to the band or anything special, but he had to come back to me. I was going to seduce Ryan Ross and he was going to come back to me.

The wait was painful, but it only allowed me to plot even more so. Every blink he was behind my eyes as I waited. Ryan had never comforted me or anything, but I would take anything I could get. I was positive he would have some sort of drink with him. That alcohol would be my advantage. If that didn’t get me anywhere, I knew what would.

“Brendon,” Ryan’s voice spoke. And there he was before me. Standing tall and looking less fashionable that usual, he stood, holding two drinks. “I got you your usual.” He sat down across from me and placed the drinks on the table. It was just like the old days. Ryan would get me my drink and we’d sit across from each other and speak. The only difference was the circumstance we were in now.

I slowly took a sip of the hot coffee. He still knew what I liked. There wasn’t anything wrong with the drink at all. “You still know it perfectly,” I said, after swallowing.

Ryan chuckled. “It only took me three years to get down.” He reached into his pocket for a flask. “Now, you have me here, what is it that you want?” Between his words, Ryan’s hands moved about with the flask, pouring a liquid into his tea. It had to be alcohol. It just had to be. I was banking on it.

“I wanted to get across to you that I never regretted you,” I honestly spoke. “I shouldn’t have let you go.”

He sipped at his drink. “Yet, that’s the past now, isn’t it? Why return to it?”

“Because I want you back. It could be just like before, only better. I wouldn’t let us fall like we did,” I explained to him. If this didn’t work I would just have to move onto to plan B.

Ryan gave me a funny look. “Want me back? Brendon don’t you know it takes two to tango? We’d both have to be in it to not let it fall.” He poured more of the flask’s liquid into the tea.

“But that’s the point! There still has to be something in you that says you want to come back, right? What even happened to us? One day you just said it was done and that was that. You took Jon with you and left. You started to drink and you vanished!”

“Brendon, I’m not going to talk about what happened to us. You know exactly what happened. And I’m not the only one who started drinking,” he pointed his finger at me, “I don’t need to enlighten you any further. Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

I sat silently and biting my lip for a moment. He was right. Everybody’s alcohol consumption rose since the split. I packed on the alcohol myself. Yet, I knew Ryan wasn’t a lightweight, but he couldn’t hold his drinks well after a certain point. I just had no idea as to how much he’d had.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I thought there was more to this.” I took another sip of my drink. “But tell me, how much have you had to drink today?” Folding my hands, I waited for the answer.

Ryan sighed and looked down at his tea. His face was sour now. It reminded me of Spencer’s face when he was angry and when he was mildly torn up by the separation. “I’ve had enough.”

Leaning in across the table, I picked up his drink and sipped it. My tongue couldn’t pin point exactly what he had poured into it, but it was strong. “Clearly, you haven’t,” I said, looking him in the eye. I sat back up and looked at him. “Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? There’s more to it than this.” I was never known to be a good actor, but I hoped I could at least fool Ryan.

Ryan looked around and then back down at his drink. “Fine,” he said, “but you’ll have to drive. I doubt you’d like it if I did.”

We both got up and exited the Starbucks. Ryan handed me the keys to an old auto and we both got inside.

“You drive stick?!” I asked in shock. It had been so long since I’d done so. Trying to jog my memory, I waited for an answer from Ryan.

Ryan laughed. “You could say I’m old fashioned.”

“Old fashioned?! More like stone age! I can barely remember how to drive. Now, I have to remember how to drive stick?”

“Oh shut up, you ninny. You know how to drive other sticks pretty damn well,” he said, rolling his eyes.

I was taken aback by the sheer innuendo. “Well, those sticks are easier than this one. Now, teach me how to do this!”

“Do you just want me to drive?” Ryan asked, sighing.

Shaking my head, I answered him, “No, you’ve been drinking.”

“Well, then we’re stuck here because I don’t want to teach ya’.”

“Just fucking teach, Ryan!”

Ryan grabbed my wrist. “I’m going to ask you again. Do you just want me to drive?” His eyes were looking directly into mine and I couldn’t help, but wonder if there was another meaning.

I shook the feeling off. I was in control here, not Ryan. “Just fucking drive.”

Allowing Ryan to have control of driving gave me some control over the situation. He had liquor in his system and knowing Ryan personally it meant I could get an easy rise out of him. This would be a fun drive.

We switched places and Ryan pulled out of the parking lot and onto the California streets.

Most of the drive was quiet. Yet, I was thinking. I was thinking of all the little things that could happen as soon as we got into that apartment. My hands would be around Ryan again, much like how my hand was reaching out to touch his thigh in the car.

“Brendon,” Ryan said, when my hand came in contact with his thigh. It was a warning.

My hand roamed upwards. “What?” I asked, innocently and looking out the window. My hand continued to move up. “Are we there yet, Ryan?”

Ryan loudly swallowed. “Almost,” he answered.

“Good,” I said, placing my hand over his package. “I was just wondering because what I have to tell you is really important.” I was rubbing him now. Glancing quickly at Ryan, I saw he was beginning to sweat a little. “Had more to drink than just the alcohol in your tea?”

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, putting his blinker on and making a left turn.

“It’s a shame I know how alcohol affects you, isn’t it?”

He was pulling into a parking space. “D-definitely.”

I could somewhat outline Ryan’s cock now. He wasn’t fully ready, but he was getting there. All of that alcohol made him so easy to arouse. I cocked my head to the side and looked at him.

“Are you going to unlock the doors?” I asked.

Ryan’s eyes were half closed, but shot open. “O-oh y-yeah,” he stuttered, unlocking the doors.

We both exited his car and I waited for him to start leading me to his apartment. It didn’t take him long. Ryan was in a rush now and trying not to come off as obvious, at least from what I could tell. I would get him back. This split, this war between us would be over.

Soon, we’re inside Ryan’s apartment and I had him against the closed door. My hand was hot on his crotch and his breath was hitching. I was watching his face squirm. Leaning in close to his ear, I whispered, “Kiss me.”

And we were off. Ryan’s lips we’re attached to my neck and my hands were messing with his zipper. I had him right where I wanted him. Clothes were shed and a momentum was beginning to be gained. It felt as if we had never broken. It felt as if all of the girls after me never existed. They must’ve known. They had to have known. They had to have known that I knew about them and that I knew they could never live up to me, look like me, sound like me, be like me.

It was simple as that. All of those girls weren’t me and no one knew Ryan better than. And as our bodies intertwined with each other’s, I was given peace, sweet, sweet peace.
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