So Much

Pigtails.

When he thought of his first encounter with his wife it was the first thing that came to mind. They were only five years old and a boy in their kindergarten class had kicked sand in her eyes whilst destroying the castle she had spent all recess making.

Matt was going through a superhero stage at the time, so to be like his idols, he bought the boy to justice as they would. He got recess taken away from him for the next two weeks but it was worth it, he had made friends with the new girl. Since then they were inseparable and everybody knew it.

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Bowman walked past Matt with a glare. It may have been twelve years down the line but he still had not forgiven Matt for the beating given to him all those years ago. Sarcastically smiling at him, Matt turned to throw his maths books in his locker and retrieve his biology books. Slamming the locker door closed, he checked it had locked before making his way over to his best friend’s locker.

“Jen, Jen,” he smiled at her as he leant against the locker next to hers,

“Yes Mattie, what do y’ want?” she smiled at him, pausing what she was doing to place her hand on her hip,

“Josh from my maths class is having a party tonight whilst his parents are out of state. Your cute little ass is going to join me and the guys in getting drunk tonight.” Jenna sighed at his request,

“Mattie, you know how my parents feel about me going out and getting drunk. ‘It is not appropriate for a…”

“… girl your age to be going out at the weekends and getting so intoxicated they cannot see straight. It is not proper and I do not want my only daughter to be coming home in a month or two telling me she is pregnant from a drunken hook up at a party and that she doesn’t know who the father is.’ Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it countless times just like you. That is why I have devised a plan.”

“Please don’t tell me you spent your entire maths lesson thinking of plans. You’re already failing it enough.”

“Exactly.” Jenna raised an eyebrow at him as they made their way to biology. “I am shit at math. I know it, you know it, the group knows it, my teacher knows it, my parents know it and best of all, your parents know it. That is why tonight you are going to ‘tutor’ me in maths as your so brilliantly amazing at it, for a ‘test’ I have Monday. You are going to stay at my house overnight, in the guest room of course, so we can spend the day together tomorrow helping me revise. How does that sound?”

“So crazy it might just work.” She smiled at him,

“See I'm amazing aren’t I?” She smiled and shook her head as she walked through the door of biology. Both were scolded by their teacher for being late before she carried on with her lesson.

-------

It was ten that night and Matt and Jenna had finally arrived at Josh’s house. The place was packed. Grabbing a hold of Jenna’s hand so not to lose her, they made their way into the house in search of their other friends. The first they found was Brian who was making out with the head cheerleader against the pantry door. Hearing cheers from the garden they left him to it and found Jimmy and Zacky taking shots. Slamming his last glass down onto the table Jimmy danced around in victory as Zacky bashed his head down onto the table. Spotting Jenna and Matt clapping him he took a bow then pulled the two into a huge hug.

“Baby cakes I thought you weren’t going to come but you’re here! Is Mattie boy going to get you good and drunk? You are a funny drunk you know that! Oh my duck! Look at Johnny Seward he’s stripping. I want to go skinny dipping! Clear the way!” Jenna and Matt laughed at their friend. Going into the kitchen Brian and the head cheerleader had disappeared unsurprisingly to the two. Grabbing two cans of beer he cracked them open and passed one to Jenna. Knocking them together they both took swigs of the drink then mingled with their class mates.

A few hours and quite a few drinks later, Matt and Jenna were dancing provocatively on the self made dance floor in Josh’s living room. People always assumed they were a couple because of how close the two friends were and tonight they weren’t helping the rumours.

“Jen Jen baby, you wanna go back to my house now, I am getting bored and you look tired?” Matt let the fumble of words out of his mouth. Sleepily nodding her head against his shoulder, he picked her up with ease and made his way out of the house.

His own home was only two streets down so it didn’t take long before the two were stumbling through the door. Matt’s parents were out for the night to celebrate their friend’s anniversary so the two didn’t have to worry about pretending they were sober. Tripping over the top step, Matt fell flat on his back taking Jenna with him.

“Well hello there pretty lady.” Matt said with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a weird accent,

“Well hello buff man.” She replied letting out a giggle. Resting her head against his chest lightly, she closed her eyes listening to his heartbeat. Matt’s hand ran gently through her hair relaxing in the comfortable silence. Time escaped them pretty quickly and before they knew it Mr Sanders was looking down at them.

“My boy, I don’t know how long you two have been laying there but I think it’s best you get to bed and take Jen with you. She’s dead to the world I think.” Nodding slowly to his dad’s request, he pulled himself up and with his dads help got Jenna into his arms without waking her. Going into the guest room he tried to put her body down gently on the bed. Her arms tightened round his neck not letting go of him. “Come on Jenna babe, you need to get into to bed.” He felt her shake her head in the crook of his neck. “No use in shaking your head bub, come on.”

“I want to sleep in bed with you. You’re nice and comfy.”

“You sure about that?” she nodded not giving a verbal answer. “Come on then.” Picking her up again, he crossed the hall into his room. Placing her down on his bed, he helped her change into a pair of her pyjamas that she always left at his home for times like this. Stripping down to just his boxers he threw on an old top of his before joining Jenna in his bed. Closing the gap between them he wrapped his muscle arms around her slender frame from behind. After a few moments of silence Matt spoke,

“Jen…”

“Hmmm.” She mumbled sleepily turning her neck so she could see Matt’s face, “What do you want now?”

“I love you.”

“I love you to Mattie, now sleepy time.”

“No I mean I actually love you. Not like a friend, something more.”

“Mattie you're drunk, you don’t know what you're saying.” She turned back over, silently praying he would stop teasing her. He placed his hand on her shoulder and pulled her under him. Before she was able to comprehend what was happening, he placed his lips on hers. When he realised she wasn’t kissing back he began to pull away ready to apologise and sleep in the guest room. His lips barely left hers before she pulled his lips back; kissing him with the most amount of passion she had ever kissed anyone with.

“You're not kidding are you?” she asked him slightly breathless as they pulled away from each other. Shaking his head, he buried his face in her neck placing a chaste kiss to it. “Well Mattie. I love you to.” He pulled his head away staring straight into her eyes.

“Really?”

“Really Mattie. I love you.” A dimpled smile broke out across his face, leaning down he gave her a short sweet kiss on her mouth.

“Be my girlfriend Jen?”

“Of course Matt.” Smiling again, he lay down next to her running his calloused thumb across her cheek.

“Well beautiful girlfriend of mine, I think it’s time we sleep.” Curling her body into his side she nodded.

“I love you Mattie.”

“I love you to Jen, so much.” He replied softly kissing her exposed shoulder.

-------

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Matthew Charles Sanders and Jenna Louise Howard in matrimony. Today we will witness a very important moment in their lives. Before I continue I would like to ask all who are present today whether anyone knows of any lawful reason why these two should not be married.”

There was no response to the officiants question so he continued. The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch and before they knew it the officiant announced them husband and wife (with a shout of Jimmy screaming finally). Kissing Jenna with all the passion he could with his and her families present, he couldn’t help the smile that came across his face as he stared into her green eyes.

“I love you Mattie.”

“I love you to Jen, so much.”

-------

Wincing as his wife squeezed his hand to almost breaking point; Matt couldn’t help but smile as he thought of his first child joining him and his wife Jenna in less then a minute.

“One more push Mrs Sanders, one more push. There we go.” A cry was heard and after a few moments the midwife turned to them with a small pink bundle in her arms, “Mr and Mrs Sanders I would love to introduce to you your new baby daughter.” The tiny child was placed gently into Jenna’s arm. As soon as she settled down, her eyes opened to reveal hazel eyes that reflected her fathers. Gently lowering his right index finger to her cheek he gently brushed it across the smooth skin. Happy tears fell from his eyes as he lowered his lips to kiss her forehead then his wife’s.

“She is absolutely gorgeous.” Jenna nodded at her husband’s description, lost for words as she looked down at the tiny girl in her arms.

“Sorry to interrupt your moment but what are you going to name this little bundle?” Jenna looked at Matt and nodded,

“Madison Renée Sanders.” The midwife nodded and walked away, leaving the couple with their baby.

“Thank you.” He murmured against Jenna's forehead,

“For what Mattie?”

“Giving me the best gift anybody could ever give me.”

-------

After a calm day at the beach with just the three of them they took a leisurely drive home. The day had been filled with helping their three year old make sandcastles and swimming in the sea before having a little picnic on the sand.

“Matthew! Stop playing with your phone and concentrate on the bloody road. Johnny will live for the next ten minutes if you don’t text him back.”

“Babe I am trying to tell the short shit that practice is cancelled tomorrow because Brian’s confided to his bed with the flu but I can’t stand this fucking touch screen.” He growled deleting yet another jumble of letters and numbers,

“Daddy, you used a naughty word. You shouldn’t use naughty words unless you descwibing Uncle Johnny.” Madison said from her seat in the back smiling at Matt in the rear view mirror,

“Sorry princess I know I shouldn’t but daddy’s frustrated with his silly phone.” He turned to her and blew her a kiss,

“Whilst he should be watching the road.” Jenna muttered crossing her arms. Matt rolled his eyes playfully at Madison before turning to look at Jenna,

“Relax baby, nothing’s going t-”

“Matt watch out it’s a red li-” before Matt could hit the breaks a white van crashed into the passenger side of the car. Madison began screaming at the top of her lungs and Matt could barely move from the shock of what had happened. He could distantly hear the screaming of his daughter though as much as he tried he couldn’t move his neck to look at her or move any part of his body to reach her and hold her hand.

“Daddy, why won’t mommy wake up? Daddy get mommy to wake up! No daddy, don’t fall asweep! Daddy, wake up! Daddy, mommy! Wake up pwease! Daddy!” Was the last he heard before he fell into complete unconsciousness.

--------

Beeping woke Matt up along with a continuous poke in his right arm.

“Madison! I told you to stop poking daddy, he won’t wake up any faster bub.” He could hear Zacky’s voice trying to soothe his daughter,

“But I want daddy to wake up and when I don’t wake up he pokes me wike this so I fink it will wake him up. Come on daddy, you're not awowed to sweep duwing t’ day at home. Daddy come on, wake up.” The poking stopped and he felt her little fingers trace the tattoo’s, or body drawings as she liked to call them, on his arms. A few moments later he felt something wet land near where her finger was.

“Uncle Zacky, why won’t daddy listen to me? Why won’t he wake up? I want him to take me to t’ park.” Her voice trembled as she spoke to her uncle. Like he had in the car, Matt tried to move to reach out and console her but it was as if something was keeping him strapped down.

“Shhh baby don’t cry, daddy will be fine. The doctors said he will wake up soon, but it will be on his own okay bubba, poking him won’t wake him up any faster. Come here, let’s go get a drink.”

“He moved! Uncle Zacky, daddy just moved his hand!”

“Mads, don’t say stuff that isn’t true, you know better than to lie.”

“No, weally Uncle Zacky his hand just moved. Look again! I’m not lying.”

“Oh my God, he is. Doctor! Doctor! Stay here Maddie whilst I get the doctor okay.” Using the chair she was sitting on she moved onto the bed by Matt’s hand and grabbed a hold of it.

“Daddy, can you hear me? I wove you daddy.”

“M- Ma- Mad- Maddie? Maddie is that you bub?” his voice was hoarse as his eyes slowly opened to look at their spitting image.

“Daddy, you woke up. Mommy didn’t wake up daddy, but you did. Why didn’t she wake up daddy? Why?” her tear filled face pushed into his neck as fresh tears fell from her eyes, he shakily wrapped his arm round her as his own tears fell. Without realising what she had done, his crying daughter had given him news that broke his heart in two.

--------

He watched as the priest gave a speech about Jenna’s life. He spoke as if he knew her, as if he was there that day it happened. Matt just stared at the grass as he held their daughter in his arms. He could hear Mrs Howard sniff beside him and in that moment the amount of guilt he felt was unbearable. In his fifteen years of driving he had been so careful and the one time he hadn’t this had happened. He cursed himself in his head at his stupidity.

Because of him his wife was gone. Because of him he had lost his best friend. Because of him his daughter had lost her mother. Because of him two proud parents had lost their daughter. Because of him everyone was gathered here today.

As many times as everyone had told him it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t and wouldn’t believe them. Johnny had even gone as far as to blame himself as he was the one Matt had been texting. People began to disperse as the coffin she lay in rested peacefully on the ground. The hole was being filled up but he couldn’t bear to say goodbye.

A hand rested on his shoulder. He looked up to see Zacky’s sunglass covered eyes, “Matt come on we’re going back to her parents house now.” He nodded at Zack’s words and stood up, Maddie’s legs wrapping around his waist. Murmuring a quiet ‘I love you’ to the half covered hole he followed Zacky back to where the cars were parked.

-------

They had been home two hours now. He and Maddie lay peacefully on their his bed in their his room. Maddie began wiping at her eyes with her fists, a sure sign that she was tired.

“Come on baby time for bed.” He went to stand up ready to put her to bed.

“Can I stay here wif you pwease daddy?” he smiled and nodded laying back down,

“I miss mommy daddy.”

“I miss her too but it’s just you and me now baby. Mommy will always be with us though in here,” he pointed to her heart. After a few moments of silence, Maddie’s tender voice filled the room,

“Daddy, this pillow smells like her.”

“Do you know what else smells like her?” Maddie shook her head,

“You.” He poked her nose as he pointed at her, “Now go to sleep baby.”

“I love you daddy.”

“I love you to Mads, so much.”