An Array of Colors

I was sick and tired of life the way it was. In no way was I contemplating suicide, but I just needed a break. Every single person I knew was getting on my nerves. I was tired of trying to find out what was going on between Iris and Amber, and Jasper and Fallow weren’t interested in anything I was.

My parents had given me permission to go to our island and I could bring one of my friends along, under the condition that it was a girl. I had really wanted to take Silver, but he obviously wasn’t a girl, plus I kind of wanted a break from him too…Don’t get me wrong, I really liked him. But I didn’t want to be around him constantly because it would surely show him that there was something wrong with me.

Fawn was the only other person I could think of to bring, and she fit my parents’ condition. So we were on my private plane to a small private island in the middle of the ocean.

"Thanks for coming with me. It’s kind of lucky that school's off because we’d be missing a lot if it wasn’t."

A small smile creeped across her face. "Not to mention the fact that parents would actually make me go to school."

I immediately grew even more somber at the mention of parents caring. Other people all had moms and dads that cared about what they did. They gave a shit about their future. My parents just wanted me to be rich, it didn't matter how. Literally all they wanted was a rich and straight son.

"I didn't mean it like that Cobalt, you know that."

I looked out the window of our private jet before turning back to her, "Yeah, I know. I've just been a bit sensitive since my birthday."

"Did you even celebrate it with someone other than your parents?"

"No," I sighed, "Birthdays aren't a big deal to me. They kind of make me feel like I'm going to die. I know I'm too young to think about stuff like that, but birthdays force me to think; every day you live you're one day closer to dying. You never know which breath could be your last."

"Cobalt Mulberry, you have a scary mind..." she grinned, "But I've thought about things like that too. It's completely normal to be scared of death, but I just don't let it stop me from having fun. You shouldn't either."

The rest of the ride to my island was silent. I think Fawn fell asleep somewhere along the way. I just couldn't bring myself to close my eyes.

Lately I had been getting really paranoid thoughts. If you think about it, sleep is kind of scary. You're completely unaware of you surroundings and have no guarantee that you'll actually wake up. I was always kind of paranoid for about a month after my birthday. I guess I'm weird, I should at least be happy I lived this long, right?

When I think about death it seems like such a strange thing. Obviously I don't want to die, in fact the prospect is terrifying. But if I were to just close my eyes and never wake up, maybe I wouldn't even realize it. It wouldn't be so bad if it was quick and painless. It's not like I have a lot to miss. I think the only reason it's scary is because I know it's going to happen. If I just died without knowing it, then how could it be so bad?

I was torn out of my thoughts as the plane landed on my tiny island. I had only been here once before, and honestly it hadn't been that exciting. There weren't any people here other than the servants that came in twice a week to take care of the place. I think my mom had hired one of them to stay on the island for the duration of time we were here.

The only reason this trip seemed so promising was because of the lack of people, but now that we were here I felt empty.

"This place is so nice!" Fawn marveled.

At least someone was enjoying themselves...