The CONquest of Nellie Bly

The trees outside shook softly as a summer breeze floated past our local Denny’s. It was June, and my friends and I were spending our summer the best way possible: giggling and talking over a giant portion of the famous Pancake Puppies. Conor, my best friend since 3rd grade, sat next to me strumming his prized possession: his guitar. Violet sat across from us, doing all in her power to mess him up in some way. She tossed a salt-shaker at him and he immediately stopped playing.

“What was that for?” Conor looked up at her, dusting the salt from the body of the instrument. “You don’t disrespect Mamacita.” He kissed the neck carefully before putting it back into the ripped up guitar case.

Violet shrugged before motioning Mildred, an old yet energetic waitress, to our table. “You think we could get Conor a bib or something? He’s making a mess.” She stated, her gaze fixed on him. He looked at Mildred as if to say, “Don’t listen to this bitch.”

Mildred took no notice of Conor’s disapproval and was back in 30 seconds with one of those bibs with an octopus on it. Conor and Violet exchanged looks of hatred before she asked Mildred to help him get it on. Conor sunk under the table and curled into fetal position, refusing to give in to Violet’s cruelty. I sighed and got down with him.

“Take it like a man, Conor. As soon as Mildred leaves, you can take it off again.” I laughed, rubbing his knee affectionately. He chuckled.

“And admit defeat? Never,” He smiled before closing his eyes again. “We should ask for the check. It’s been a while since I’ve been with you and Violet, even if SHE’S ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.” He pounded the table above us. Violet kicked him and he let out a quick yelp of pain. I stuck my head up to look at Violet.

“Would you mind taking it a bit easy on him?” I asked, resting my chin on her lap. She rolled her eyes before shoving another Pancake Puppy into her mouth. Conor and I got back into our seats and called for the check. Mildred sauntered over and handed it to us.

“Conor, since you’re the annoying one, lunch is on you.” Violet announced.

He wrinkled his nose and picked up the salt-shaker. “That was inSALTing. Be careful what you say to me or I might DESSERT you.” He pointed to a slice of chocolate cake on the menu.

After a long and awkward pause, I turned to him. “Conor, you know I love you… but never say anything like that again.” I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. “Come on, you two. We’ll split the bill evenly.” I yawned. Conor and Violet glanced at each other before digging through their pockets for money. After we were done paying, we walked outside into the parking lot.

Violet looked at us and shrugged. “Well, now what?” She asked. Conor looked at me, too—expecting an answer.

“How should I know?” I bit my lip. “Let’s go back to Conor’s house and hang out by the lake.” I suggested. They decided to be easy and agree for once.

Conor and Violet had the epitome of a love-hate relationship. One minute they’d be fighting like pro-wrestlers and the next, they’d be rocking out to Rebecca Black’s “Friday” together. I liked it better when they weren’t whining at each other, because I always had to be stuck in the middle of their petty little squabbles over nothing.

We walked over to the nearest bus stop and Conor pulled out his guitar. Violet groaned in protest, but didn’t beat him savagely. Conor plucked a few strings to make sure it was tuned before strumming the first few chords of “Airplanes.” This time, it was me who stopped him.

“Don’t sing that.” I said, narrowing my eyes. He grinned, meaning I had obviously led him on.

“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now…” He sang loudly, watching me plug my ears. I punched his arm, hoping he’d stop. “I could use a dream or a genie or a wish, to go back to a place much simpler than this…”

Violet, with her stupid personality, began to sing along to it. I swear, that girl had be annoying someone at all times. “…And I’ll be right back at it by the end of the night! TAKE IT AWAY, NELLIE.” Conor pointed at me. Reluctantly, I went into the chorus along with them.

“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? Because I really fucking hate this song, hate this song, hate this song…” I muttered under my breath. In a few seconds, about five people had gathered at the bus stop, listening to us sing the most annoying song ever written. Conor effortlessly moved his fingers across the strings, bringing the song to a finish. Our small audience applauded us as the bus pulled up. I helped Conor get his guitar back in the case while Violet jumped on the bus without us. Conor and I shrugged and got on a few seconds after, talking about how the toast at Denny’s was a little burnt today.

Once we got to Conor’s house, we all changed into our bathing suits and sat out by the lake in his backyard. I sat on top of Lucy, his father’s old pickup truck that had stopped working about three years back. Violet was struggling to catch a frog by the bank while Conor climbed on top of the car with me. We sat there, watching Violet make a fool of herself. After a few minutes, Conor spoke.

“So, prom’s coming up.” He yawned.

I raised an eyebrow. “No, it’s not. Prom was a few months ago.”

He put his hands up in defeat. “You caught me. But I was just wondering if you wanted to go dress shopping with me,” He said, feigning a gay-lisp. I laughed.

“Maybe for homecoming. We’ll go dress shopping for homecoming. Which is… I don’t know… three to five months away,” I smiled. He giggled and put his arm around me. “And I thought you hated it when I take you dress shopping with me.”

“I do. I hate just sitting in the dressing room awkwardly and waiting for you to come out. People think I’m a pervert.”

“Because you always bring in a camera phone and stick it under empty doors to freak people out. And sometimes they aren’t even empty. Remember that time at Macy’s?”

He bit his lip. “I need something to do. And how was I supposed to know she was in there? She didn’t have to call mall security on me. I told her it was an accident.”

“Because you totally stuck your phone under the door by accident, Conor. Yeah. Those things just tend to happen, huh?” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him. He sighed heavily and put his hand on my stomach.

“Maybe you should let me into the dressing room with you.” He suggested.

I shook my head.

“Wanna know why I have my hand on your tee-hee tummy tums?” He asked slowly. I looked at him as if to say, “Uh-huh.” He grinned. “Because you’re gonna get a sunburn and you’re going to have a HAND-line.” He laughed at his terrible pun. I sat up and jumped off of the car.

He rolled onto his stomach and watched me walk away. “Nellie,” He yelled after me. “Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.”

I gave him the middle finger and sat by Violet, who was still trying to catch the frog. She grabbed its leg, only to have it slip away again. She groaned. “It’s like trying to catch a grape between your teeth. The minute you think you have it, it slides out.” She reached for it again. Finally, she got it. “HA. What are you gonna do now?” She opened her hands in order to look at it. It quickly hopped out through the tiny crack and disappeared into the lake.

Conor laughed from the top of Lucy. “Violet, Rice Krispies won’t even talk to you. A frog shouldn’t be much different.” He spat on the ground.

She glared at him. “I don’t masturbate during History.” She retaliated.

Conor frowned. “That was one time, Violet. ONE TIME.”

I stared at him. “You masturbate during class?”

“Not anymore.” He slipped Violet another mean glance before rolling over to end the conversation. I exchanged a look with Violet before walking inside to get a juice box. Yeah, this was just a regular summer day… this isn’t odd at all. “Violet’s just pissed because my boner flipped the table over and she had to pick all her papers up.” I heard Conor mutter.