The CONquest of Nellie Bly

"Nelliekins! Get out here!" Violet yelled at me as soon as I had grabbed some juice from the fridge. I ignored her and took my sweet time putting the straw in. Violet continued to whine from outdoors until Conor told her to shut the fuck up and drown herself.

When I turned around to get back outside, I ran into Conor's little sister, Molly. Molly was like the female version of Conor-- they both had beautiful brown hair, flawless skin, rosy cheeks, big eyes... Conor's entire family was gorgeous.

“Hey, Nellie. Have you seen my iPod? I’ve been looking for it all day and I know it’s here.”

“CONOR,” I yelled. “DID YOU TAKE MOLLY’S IPOD?”

“PSHFT, NO.” He yelled. I heard him jump off of Lucy and walk inside. “She simply misplaced it.” He shrugged. Molly sighed.

“And it somehow ended up in your pocket,” She said, pulling it out of his pants. He smiled sheepishly. “Imagine that. Conor taking my stuff.” Molly started to walk towards the stairs before stopping and looking back at Conor.

Conor gave her just about the ugliest face I’d ever seen in my whole life. Molly rolled her eyes. “Conor, can’t you go somewhere else today? Why don’t you guys go see a movie or something?” She suggested.

“We were downtown an hour ago, Molly. We can't really get back."

“Well, maybe if you knew how to drive, that wouldn’t be a problem.” Molly said. I couldn’t help but laugh. Molly bowed before giving Conor the finger and going upstairs. Conor sighed heavily.

“I hate girls,” He mumbled. I shoved him softly, shooting him a look. “Except for you, Nellie. You’re my most favorite girl. Come here.” He threw his arms around me and hugged me close, nearly breaking one of my ribs. I screamed for Violet to come save me, but Conor threw his hand over my mouth.

"Don't summon her!" He warned. "We can't have her in here when I brutally rape you with this here meat-cleaver!" He reached for the giant knife as I struggled against him, licking his hand so I could yell for Violet again. Oddly, Conor didn't pull his hand away. Instead, he dropped the knife and got duct tape instead. He slapped a piece over my mouth and carried me out to his mom's car. After getting into the passenger seat, he pulled out the meat cleaver and held it near me.

"Start the car." He demanded. I groaned in protest. "START THE CAR." I nodded and did as I was told, putting the key in the ignition and twisting it. The engine roared to life and we backed out of the driveway. He reached over and ripped the duct tape off my mouth. I cried out in pain and slapped him.

"What the hell are we doing?" I said, trying to forget about my throbbing mouth.

"Ditching Violet. I've had enough of that chick. Go to the movie theater. We're gonna go see Rango." He proclaimed, leaning back in his seat.

"My mouth hurts like a bitch, Conor." I groaned.

"Want me to kiss it better?" He asked, giving me the pedophile grin. I rolled my eyes and continued driving along down the road. After an awkward silence, he turned to me. "I've always wanted to see Rango."

"...Cool." I replied, keeping my eyes on the road. He unbuckled himself and got closer to me. I ignored him, waiting for the right moment to retaliate. In my head, I counted down. Three... two... one...

In one swift moment, my fist swung over and nailed him in the balls. He let out a high-pitched shriek before going into fetal-position, clutching his crotch protectively. "What the fuck was that for?" He gasped, brushing a tear from his cheek.

"For being an asshole, Conor." I responded apathetically, speeding the car up. He rocked back and forth repeatedly, trying to calm himself down. After a minute or two, he sighed and looked at me again.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." We pulled into the parking lot, got a space, and jumped out of the car. We ran in and purchased our tickets, eager to see the movie. After we found some seats, Conor reached to the ground to get something. A look of panic crossed his face.

"Where's Mamacita?" He asked frantically, looking around the floor.

"You didn't bring her." I explained. Why would he want his guitar while watching a movie? I will never know. Because Conor's a retard, that's my guess. Finally, the lights dimmed and the movie started.

"Want to go to dinner after this?" He inquired, lacing his fingers with mine.

"Sure." I said. "Where to?"

"How about Martinelli's?" He yawned. An angry parent turned to us.

"Do you mind?" She snapped. "It's hard to watch a movie with you kids constantly talking!"

"Didn't get the rule book, sorry." Conor put his feet up on the back of her chair and got back to watching the movie. She sighed and did the same, still irritated. The movie seemed to drag on and on and on, and Conor wouldn't stop talking. After a while, we realized we should probably just leave. Conor had the bright idea of leaving as loudly as we could, and I couldn't argue.

"THIS MOVIE'S LAME. LET'S GO!"

"SURE! SOUNDS LIKE FUN!" I said, playing along. We got up and stomped out of the theater and into the parking lot, where we got into the car and turned the radio up as loud as we could. Some drug addicts who were hanging out in the alley glanced at us with bewildered looks on their faces before getting back to their "Peruvian marching powder." We started the car and cruised down to the fanciest restaurant in town.

After we got ourselves some menus, we sat down and picked out what we wanted. Since everything was some kind of meat we'd never heard of, we ended up ordering just some regular spaghetti. We sat at the table just talking about life and everything.

"Let's play truth or dare, without the dare part." He suggested as the spaghetti was placed in front of us. "So... let's play truth. Or we could do that 'would you rather' game. Or a combination of the two."

"Hm..." I muttered thoughtfully. "Alright: Would you rather spend a day with Justin Bieber at an amusement park with a broken ankle, or go to a Jonas Brothers concert with Rebecca Black and a broken tailbone?" I asked.

"GAH. That's disgusting!" He exclaimed. "Is shoot myself in the eye one of the options? I'd choose... uh... the Biebs. My turn: if you could own a lifetime supply of anything, what would it be?"

"Shoes." I answered as truthfully as I could. "Okay, would you rather brush by Megan Fox at the grocery store or... have sex with me and Violet?" I bit my lip, trying to come up with the most obscure question ever.

"Uh, you and Violet? Like threesome status?"

"Yeah. Threesome status."

"Gross. Well, I'd choose doing you. Violet could hold the video-camera."

"Nasty!" I laughed. "What the hell?"

He threw his hands up. "I'm just being truthful. Alright, my turn. Would you rather be raped by a clown or break your back and live as a vegetable?"

"That's not even fair... I'm afraid of clowns. Um, that's just scary to think about. I'd break my back. Alright: Have you ever made out with another dude?"

"Stupid question, Nellie. You've seen me kiss guys like, six times. You know how our parties tend to get."

"Oh yeah, like that incident with Andrew..."

"Don't bring that up!" He gagged. "Just forget that ever happened. Now keep it down, everyone here's gonna think I'm gay."

"Are you?" I laughed.

"Hell no. Not gay, but supportive." He replied, taking a forkful of noodles. A few seconds later, his phone vibrated. He answered it. "Hello?... Yeah... What?... Oh, okay.... Just you try to find us, bitchmuffin... NO. DON'T CALL NELLIE. I'm hanging up on you now." He hung up quickly and yelled for the check. I raised an eyebrow at him and he gave me a quick smile.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"We have to hide from Violet!"

Oh, shit. Violet. Forgot about her...

The waiter hurriedly brought us a check and we dropped some money on the table. A few seconds later, I stopped him and looked around. "Conor... she won't find us. Does she know where we are?" I asked. He bit his lip.

"True. Let's not take chances." He grabbed my hand and we raced down the sidewalks of town, laughing and tripping over cracks in the pavement. After a while, we stopped in a park and fell onto the grass, panting.

Once we caught our breath, Conor burst out laughing. "That was so fun!" He screamed, throwing his arms around me. We sat there, giggling and rolling in the grass like losers. Once we had calmed down, we sat under a tree and stared at the road for a while. No one seemed to be coming. Maybe we had lost Violet along the way.

"So..." Conor said, looking around. Shit. That's normally what he says before he tells you the lamest story of all time... I looked at him and noticed how close his face was getting to mine. I giggled and leaned in as well. Fuck, no one was gonna see us.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE." A familiar voice came from the sidewalk. I turned quickly and saw Violet standing there, breathing heavily. "You could never lose me. I know your every move. I own you bitches." She sprinted over and body-slammed on top of us. I laughed and hugged her while she sat on Conor.

"Heeeeey, Violet." I said slowly, stroking her arm creepily. She backhanded me and I fell backwards into the grass again. Despite the pain, I continued giggling hysterically. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Are you two high?" She asked, looking down at her personal seat for an explanation. Conor shrugged and gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen. I returned it before crawling over and laying next to him. Violet bounced softly, making Conor's voice shake as he spoke.

"I have some weed in my pocket. You want some, Nellie?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah, don't offer me any." Violet rolled her eyes.

"Well, Violet... you turn into queen bitch when you're high." I tried to back up Conor's actions.

"She's queen bitch anyway." Conor said jokingly. Obviously Violet didn't take it that way, because she grabbed his arm and twisted it behind him. He cried out in anguish, still softly laughing. "I love you, Violet!" He screeched.

She let his arm go and he reached into his pocket. I watched him dig around for a while before pulling out a bag of marijuana. Violet looked surprised.

"Whoa, you weren't kidding."

"Of course I wasn't." He laughed, opening the bag and smelling it. "So, you guys wanna get stoned or not?" He pulled out some other supplies for our "adventure" from his pocket.

I scooted closer to him and watched him light the joint he just rolled. After blowing out a long trail of smoke, he passed it to me. The cycle went on and on until all the weed was gone and all we could do was stare at each other.