If It's Love
Lullaby
“I have to go,” I told my boyfriend, Paul, as I climbed out of bed to look for my clothes. “I promised Cora I’d be home to tuck her in.”
“When do I get to meet your daughter,” he asked, sitting up.
“I’m not sure, Paul. I like to keep her life as dependable as possible. I don’t want to risk her getting too attached if there’s a chance you’ll leave,” I explained. I pulled on my jeans and slipped my feet into my shoes.
“She needs a male figure in her life,” he pointed out. “I can be that. I’m not going anywhere.”
“She has plenty of men in her life. Harry is the best uncle any little girl could ask for. He spoils her rotten. I’m not sure I want to risk disturbing the balance.”
“I feel like you’re keeping me locked away from the rest of your life.”
“I know it may seem that way and I’m sorry, but my daughter and her best interests come first. Paul, I really don’t want to get in a fight right now. Can we just drop it? I have to go anyway.”
I finished buttoning the buttons on my sweater before I walked back over to the bed, gave Paula quick kiss and left.
Why does he always do this? Why does he make me feel terrible about doing the right thing? I miss the old days; those days were so simple and my life was carefree. I don’t regret having Cora; I could never feel that way. I just sometimes wonder what my life would be like if she hadn’t come into it. Maybe I would’ve still been with Gaspard-NO! Thank god I got pregnant. It allowed me to realize what a jackass Gaspard was.
I pulled my car into my driveway and threw the gear shift into park. I climbed out of the driver’s seat and trudged up the front steps. I dropped my keys on the table in the entryway and kicked off my shoes.
“Thank god,” my best friend, Dougie, exclaimed. “There you are! Cora kept screaming for you. She wouldn’t go to sleep.” He looked like he was about to pull all of his hair out by the roots. I tried my best not to laugh at his misfortune.
“I promised her I’d be home to tuck her in.” Cora often refused to go to bed unless I was the one to tuck her in. It was always a bit of a pain in the ass for babysitters, but it was just her way. “So where is she?”
“She’s in her room making a mess. She started to throw a temper tantrum. She’s really tired,” he told me.
“I’ll go handle it.” I sighed, walking over to Cora’s room. I gently pushed the door open the door to see Cora flinging her clothes around the room.
“Cora Scarlett Olivia Ulliel,” I said using what Harry and Dougie called my “mom voice”. “What are you doing?”
“Mommy,” she cried, running over to wrap her arms around my legs. I pulled them off and squatted down to her level.
“Why did you make a mess of your room?”
She didn’t know how to express herself well enough to explain what caused her outburst. She just looked at me with her doe eyes. “I tired.”
“I understand that you’re tired. That doesn’t mean you can throw a fit though.”
“I thowy,” she apologized in her broken speech. She hugged me tightly.
“It’s okay, sweetie. Now, why don’t you find your pyjamas and put them on? I’ll get to work cleaning up this mess.”
“Ahkay.” She began running around the room looking for her pyjamas.
I grabbed the nearest article of clothing, folded it and shoved it back in the wardrobe. It took five minutes to fold everything and in that time Cora managed to get dressed.
“Cora, put your dirty clothes in the hamper.”
“Ahkay, Mommy.” She grabbed the clothes and stumbled over to the hamper. I picked up the lid and she dropped them in.
“Now, are you ready for bed?”
“Yeth,” she responded, her lisp obvious.
She climbed into bed and I tucked the blankets in around her. “Do you want a song or a story?”
“Thong!”
“Okay. Let me get Uncle Dougie in here to sing with me.” I called out to him and he soon entered the room.
“Concert time?”
“Just a little one.”
Dougie walked over to the bed and stood next to me. I counted to three and we began to sing.
“Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu
lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be”
I watched as Cora’s eyes slid closed and she gave into sleep. That song was always her favourite. It never failed to put her to sleep.
Dougie and I creeped out of the room and quietly shut the door. We walked back into the living room and slumped onto the couch. I turned and put my feet in Dougie’s lap and he quickly did the same.
“Oh, god. Your feet reek,” I gasped.
“You like it,” he teased, wiggling his toes in my face.
“Ew, no.” I pushed Dougie’s feet off of me and breathed a sigh of relief at the fresh air.
“So how is Paul?”
“Paul’s fine.”
“When am I going to meet this boy of yours?”
“I don’t know, Doug.”
“Elise, you’ve been dating this guy for six months. You need to let him into your world. He’s not going to stay around long if he feels you’re ashamed of him.”
“I know! I just don’t want to introduce him to Cora. You know how she gets so easily attached to people. I don’t want her to fall in love with him just so he can leave.”
“Then don’t introduce him to Cora yet. The guys and I were invited to some movie premiere tomorrow night. Why don’t you have Carrie babysit so you and Paul can come out with us? We can go out to a club afterwards.”
“Okay. I’ll call Paul and see if he wants to go.”
Paul was so excited that I wanted him to go out with me and my friends. He hurried to say yes. Carrie was also eager with her response. She always loved me going out so she could hang out with Cora. My daughter had that effect on people; she had a way of wrapping them around her little fingers.
“I have to get home,” Dougie told me when I hung up the phone with Carrie.
“You got some hot date waiting for you at home?”
“I wish,” he laughed. “Tom wants us to rehearse tomorrow morning. I’m gonna need my beauty sleep.”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day, Doug.”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day,” he mocked with a laugh.
“I’ll see you later, hun. Love you,” I called as he left the house.
“Love you too.”
“When do I get to meet your daughter,” he asked, sitting up.
“I’m not sure, Paul. I like to keep her life as dependable as possible. I don’t want to risk her getting too attached if there’s a chance you’ll leave,” I explained. I pulled on my jeans and slipped my feet into my shoes.
“She needs a male figure in her life,” he pointed out. “I can be that. I’m not going anywhere.”
“She has plenty of men in her life. Harry is the best uncle any little girl could ask for. He spoils her rotten. I’m not sure I want to risk disturbing the balance.”
“I feel like you’re keeping me locked away from the rest of your life.”
“I know it may seem that way and I’m sorry, but my daughter and her best interests come first. Paul, I really don’t want to get in a fight right now. Can we just drop it? I have to go anyway.”
I finished buttoning the buttons on my sweater before I walked back over to the bed, gave Paula quick kiss and left.
Why does he always do this? Why does he make me feel terrible about doing the right thing? I miss the old days; those days were so simple and my life was carefree. I don’t regret having Cora; I could never feel that way. I just sometimes wonder what my life would be like if she hadn’t come into it. Maybe I would’ve still been with Gaspard-NO! Thank god I got pregnant. It allowed me to realize what a jackass Gaspard was.
I pulled my car into my driveway and threw the gear shift into park. I climbed out of the driver’s seat and trudged up the front steps. I dropped my keys on the table in the entryway and kicked off my shoes.
“Thank god,” my best friend, Dougie, exclaimed. “There you are! Cora kept screaming for you. She wouldn’t go to sleep.” He looked like he was about to pull all of his hair out by the roots. I tried my best not to laugh at his misfortune.
“I promised her I’d be home to tuck her in.” Cora often refused to go to bed unless I was the one to tuck her in. It was always a bit of a pain in the ass for babysitters, but it was just her way. “So where is she?”
“She’s in her room making a mess. She started to throw a temper tantrum. She’s really tired,” he told me.
“I’ll go handle it.” I sighed, walking over to Cora’s room. I gently pushed the door open the door to see Cora flinging her clothes around the room.
“Cora Scarlett Olivia Ulliel,” I said using what Harry and Dougie called my “mom voice”. “What are you doing?”
“Mommy,” she cried, running over to wrap her arms around my legs. I pulled them off and squatted down to her level.
“Why did you make a mess of your room?”
She didn’t know how to express herself well enough to explain what caused her outburst. She just looked at me with her doe eyes. “I tired.”
“I understand that you’re tired. That doesn’t mean you can throw a fit though.”
“I thowy,” she apologized in her broken speech. She hugged me tightly.
“It’s okay, sweetie. Now, why don’t you find your pyjamas and put them on? I’ll get to work cleaning up this mess.”
“Ahkay.” She began running around the room looking for her pyjamas.
I grabbed the nearest article of clothing, folded it and shoved it back in the wardrobe. It took five minutes to fold everything and in that time Cora managed to get dressed.
“Cora, put your dirty clothes in the hamper.”
“Ahkay, Mommy.” She grabbed the clothes and stumbled over to the hamper. I picked up the lid and she dropped them in.
“Now, are you ready for bed?”
“Yeth,” she responded, her lisp obvious.
She climbed into bed and I tucked the blankets in around her. “Do you want a song or a story?”
“Thong!”
“Okay. Let me get Uncle Dougie in here to sing with me.” I called out to him and he soon entered the room.
“Concert time?”
“Just a little one.”
Dougie walked over to the bed and stood next to me. I counted to three and we began to sing.
“Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu
lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be”
I watched as Cora’s eyes slid closed and she gave into sleep. That song was always her favourite. It never failed to put her to sleep.
Dougie and I creeped out of the room and quietly shut the door. We walked back into the living room and slumped onto the couch. I turned and put my feet in Dougie’s lap and he quickly did the same.
“Oh, god. Your feet reek,” I gasped.
“You like it,” he teased, wiggling his toes in my face.
“Ew, no.” I pushed Dougie’s feet off of me and breathed a sigh of relief at the fresh air.
“So how is Paul?”
“Paul’s fine.”
“When am I going to meet this boy of yours?”
“I don’t know, Doug.”
“Elise, you’ve been dating this guy for six months. You need to let him into your world. He’s not going to stay around long if he feels you’re ashamed of him.”
“I know! I just don’t want to introduce him to Cora. You know how she gets so easily attached to people. I don’t want her to fall in love with him just so he can leave.”
“Then don’t introduce him to Cora yet. The guys and I were invited to some movie premiere tomorrow night. Why don’t you have Carrie babysit so you and Paul can come out with us? We can go out to a club afterwards.”
“Okay. I’ll call Paul and see if he wants to go.”
Paul was so excited that I wanted him to go out with me and my friends. He hurried to say yes. Carrie was also eager with her response. She always loved me going out so she could hang out with Cora. My daughter had that effect on people; she had a way of wrapping them around her little fingers.
“I have to get home,” Dougie told me when I hung up the phone with Carrie.
“You got some hot date waiting for you at home?”
“I wish,” he laughed. “Tom wants us to rehearse tomorrow morning. I’m gonna need my beauty sleep.”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day, Doug.”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day,” he mocked with a laugh.
“I’ll see you later, hun. Love you,” I called as he left the house.
“Love you too.”