I Wouldn't Change a Thing

Eighteen Years Ago; December

I could see a pale yellow behind my eyelids, most likely the sun peeking through the blinds. Slowly, I opened my eyes, confused by my surroundings. Have you ever woken up not knowing where you were? That was me right now. I couldn’t figure out where I was. What bed I was in. Or how I got there.

I sat up, taking in everything around me. The walls were a deep blue with a few unfamiliar posters tacked on the otherwise bare surfaces. The room was small, but comforting. Completely foreign, yet eerily familiar. It wasn’t until I noticed a movement on my right that I realized I wasn’t alone—in the room or in the bed—and I was far from clothed, as was he.

Shock overtook me as I watched the sleeping boy next to me. I knew him. No, I more than knew him. He was once a good friend, and more recently a wonderful boyfriend. But I hadn’t seen him in over a year; hadn’t talked to him in just as long. So why I was now in what I assumed was his bed, was beyond my comprehension.

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, racking my brain for details of the night before. I had to justify to myself how and why I had ended up in my estranged ex-boyfriend’s bed, naked. As I lowered my hands from my face I felt my hair snag on something. A ring.

I stared down at the small diamond on my left ring finger as the details of last night flooded my clouded brain.

“Annabelle! Oh my God! I’ve missed you so much!” Jolene squealed as she attacked me in a fierce hug that I was not prepared for. I stumbled slightly before embracing her back. Jolene was my one and only female friend from Maryland, the only other girl in our group of friends from High School.

“Joey! I missed you, too. You have no idea,” I replied as she stepped back, taking both my hands in hers, as she looked me up and down.

“Wow, you look good Anne. What has Seattle done to you?” I laughed at her over the top observations. Sure, I had changed some—new haircut, new clothes, and okay, maybe I lost a few pounds—but I was the same old Annabelle. Going to school in Seattle may have changed who I was on the outside, but I was still the same person on the inside. A more confident, better dressed, Annabelle Curtis.

“Still the same old me, Jo.” I reached my hand behind me, tugging on the one that belonged to a boy talking animatedly with my father. “Jo, this is my boyfriend, Tony. Tony, this is my bestest friend in the whole wide world.”

“Hi. You must be Jolene. Annie talks about you a lot,” he laughed.

“So, this is Tony?” Jo questioned, giving me an expression that told me she approved and also said, we need to talk—i.e. gossip some more about him.

I was home for Christmas break, visiting and catching up with friends and family. We were at a local Italian restaurant celebrating my ‘homecoming.’ I didn’t think my visiting was such a big deal, but if my circus of friends wanted to go all out, I couldn’t stop them.

And so far, things had been relatively normal. I caught up with Jolene while Tony looked comfortable talking to my both my parents—a feat in and of itself—and my brother, Jace. But so far, we were the only six people, which I was perfectly okay with. As much as I had missed all of mine and Jo's other friends, I wasn’t anxious to see one in particular. And I couldn’t see the others without seeing him.

Just as the six of us were ready to sit down and order, I felt an arm wrap around my waist and pull me backwards. I squealed in surprise and turned to see the culprit, flinging into his open arms upon seeing his smirk.

“Jack!”

“Belle!” he mocked. “God, I’ve missed you. Why did my best friend have to move all the way across the damn country?”

I laughed at the pout forming on his pale lips. “I missed you, too, Jack.”

“Hey, what about us?” someone questioned from behind Jack.

“How could I forget about you guys? How are you?” I asked as I gave each boy a hug, some lasting far longer than others—or one in particular, which was short and uncomfortable.

After the joyful—and awkward—greetings, everyone sat down to dinner. Everyone—save one, who was completely silent from the moment he had arrived—asked a million questions about Seattle and my time away from home and I answered every one until our meals came and the questions lessened as we fell back into our comfortable old banter. We retold memories of our past, everyone filling my new boyfriend in on everything embarrassing I had ever done.

Jack was in the middle of arguing with Jolene about who’s idea it was to go skinny dipping in the town lake at midnight in November of our junior year when Tony stood from the seat next to mine.

He cleared his throat as he wiped his hands on his slacks, as if he were nervous. I looked at him questioningly but he just smiled and turned his attention to everyone spread around the large table.

“I know I just met most of you. And we don’t really know each other, yet. But I know that Annie loves you all, and this is the perfect place to do this—”

He turned to look at me, a smile playing on his lips. “Annie, you are the light of my life. You make me smile when I feel like doing anything but. You make me laugh in the least funniest of times. And I couldn’t imagine ever not being by your side.

“I love you, Annie. But you already know that. What you don’t know is how much.” He paused to take a breath. “Annabelle Rachel Curtis, I love you beyond anything you could ever dream. You are the apple to my peanut butter.” I smiled at his reference to our favorite-shared snack. “I don’t want to go a moment without you by my side. So, Annie, will you marry me?”

I stared, stunned at my boyfriend of eight months. I was shocked by his proposal, not expecting it in the least. Hesitating—stalling, though no one noticed the infinitesimal second that passed without a sound—my eyes trailed over my family and friends, taking in their reactions.

My mom looked as if she were about to cry, dad smiled when he caught my eye and Jace looked bored—as to be expected from a baby brother. Jolene’s smile took up her whole face as she sat on the edge of her seat—awaiting my answer. When I looked at the four boys who had once been like brothers I could tell they were waiting as well. They were anxious to hear my ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

But it was when my eyes locked on his that I questioned what my answer would be. If he weren’t here then there would be no question in my mind; I would say ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. But he was here. He was sitting across from me, his eyes trained on my own. But before I could turn to deny the perfect boyfriend I had found in Seattle, the boy across from me stood, exiting the room and presumably the restaurant.

And that’s when I turned to Tony, a small—though truthfully faux—smile and said the one word that would change everything. Forever. “Yes.”

I couldn’t remember too much after that word slipped from my lips. I couldn’t think through the cheers and congratulations, the hugs and whispers, until we all headed home. Jolene came with Tony and I to my parent’s home, where after saying goodnight, Tony left us girls alone in the living room.

“I can’t believe your getting married! This is so cool. We can plan everything together; we have to go dress-shopping, cake testing, shopping for flowers. What colors do you want? I think yellow and pink would be perfect for— Hey, why aren’t you excited?” she stopped, turning to look at me. “What’s wrong sweetie?”

“Huh?” I turned to look at her before standing and making my way to my dad’s liquor cabinet. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I took down two glasses and a bottle of my father’s favorite tequila, nearly overflowing the first glass.

“Then why don’t you look it? And since when do you drink straight tequila?”

“What if I made the wrong choice, Jo?” I whispered not at all sure I wanted to hear the answer.

“You're still in love with him, aren’t you?”



I stood on an unfamiliar porch that hadn’t been shoveled, my heel-clad feet becoming soaked by the white snow as I waited for someone to answer the door. I don’t know why I didn’t bring a jacket. I shivered, rubbing my arms with my hands until the door creaked open.

I could see a dull light coming from somewhere inside the house but couldn’t see who had answered the door. “Who is—Bella? Wh-what are doing—”

I ignored the questions, pushing my way through the half-open door and attaching my lips to his—something I hadn’t done since the day I left Maryland, something I had been dying to do ever since.

I gradually got off of the bed, careful not to wake the other occupant—there was no way I could face him—and hurriedly threw my dress from the night before over my head. I crept out his door and down the hall, praying that nobody else in the house was awake.

I reached for the door handle, ready to escape the house that now held just another memory that I wanted to suppress, when a voice stopped me.

“Annabelle? What are you— Please tell me you didn’t—” Jolene whispered.

I turned. “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh. Well, Jack and I kind of have a— We’re fun buddies,” she explained nervously. “But you didn’t answer my question. You didn’t do what I think you did, did you?”

I nodded meekly, ashamed at my drunken lack of judgment.

“What are you going to do?”

I squared my shoulders feeling stronger as my resolve grew. “I’m going to marry Tony. I’m going to go back to Seattle and put the past in the past.”

And that’s what I did, I went home and crawled into my childhood bed next to the man I was going to marry. Let's just forget this ever happened.