I'm Not Perfect

“Xi, I’m home.” Von slung her things onto the couch and peeked into her brother’s room. He wasn’t even home. Vontrice sighed heading into her bedroom and pulling off her shoes. After a stress filled week of school and being stood up by Luvy after school, Von wanted nothing more than to fill up her bathtub and sink all the way to the bottom.

Gathering her clothes and her radio, she plugged her music in and turned to tub, working to create the perfect mixture of hot and cold. Not waiting for the tub to fill up, Von stripped off her clothes and sat in the half empty tub, hoping to relax and not worry about the stress of her life. She let the soft jazz music fill the area as she let herself submerge deeper into the water. No matter how hard she tried, she could get what Chandra told her about her mother out of her head.

Vontrice’s mother, Yvette, hadn’t always been an addict. She used to be a successful manger at Wal-Mart. Von, Xavier, and her mother lived happily in their old neighborhood. There house wasn’t much, but they made due with what they had. Until Yvette’s mother passed, it seemed she was the string holding Yvette together. After that, her mother spent many days locked into her room. The phone would ring off the hook with calls from her mother’s job and bill collectors. The reason Von even made it to school on time was because Xavier, who was thirteen at the time, made sure to get her dressed and out the door.

When their mother finally left the house, she stayed out all hours of the night and only returned occasionally to bring them a meal or two. Xavier took over the role as head as household and did what he could to provide for his little sister and himself. Constantly bill collectors would come by looking for their money and shutting off things in the house. The kids wouldn’t have had running water had it not been for a neighbor near by who ridged it for them.

The final straw for Xavier was when the children came home to find their mother strung out, needle still in her arm. When she came to, Xavier lashed out at her screaming at her to get a hold of herself and take care of them like she was supposed to. This ensued a screaming match between the two which concluded when Yvette kicked her fourteen year old son out. Von screamed and pleaded for her older brother not to leave, but he grabbed his things, gave her one last kiss and disappeared into the night.

Von took care of her mother for the six years (whenever she was around at least) until her mother stopped coming home completely. When that happened she called her brother, who kept contact with her after he left, gathered her things, and moved in with him in his apartment. She hadn’t seen her mother since.

After getting good and wrinkly, Von stepped out of the tub and dried herself off. She changed into her sweats and proceeded to brush her hair while walking to the kitchen, deciding to make dinner for her brother, who still hadn’t come in yet. Vontrice had just pulled out a pack of ground beef, when her cell phone rang. Thinking it was one of her friends or her brother, she answered with hesitation.

“Hello?”

“Hey beautiful, what’s up?”

Startled, Von quickly pulled the phone away from her ear and stared and the caller i.d. Ja stared back at her in bold black letters. Slowly, Von put the phone back to her ear only to be met with Ja’s incessant chatter:

“Oh my god Von, I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean it that way. I mean you are beautiful, but I shouldn’t have said it like that and it was-”
“Hello? Ja?”

“Can you just ignore all that bullshit I just said a second ago?”

Von found herself laughing, “Yeah, don’t sweat it, I was just a little surprised you were calling me.”

“I thought about texting you first, but then I figured it be easier to call-”

“Please don’t have another spazz attack on me.”

Ja let out a nervous laugh, “I’m sorry, but you’re intimidating and you make me nervous.”
Von laughed out loud, tossing her head back, “Do I really come off as intimidating?”

“Just a little bit, but I think that’s what I like about you. You’re more of a mystery.”

“Vontrice, I’m home!”

Von turned to her brother entering the room, “Hey can I call you back? My brother just came home.”

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay bye.”

“Who was that?” Xavier asked, sticking his head into the fridge and rummaging around for a drink.

“Just a friend from school. Do you want hamburgers for dinner?”

“I’m not staying, I gotta head back out.”
“Oh,” Von grabbed the meat and put it back in the freezer No point in trying to make a meal .

“So tell me about school, I haven’t seen you all week.”

Von moved to sit next to him at their small kitchen table, “School’s fine. My classes are easy enough and I have lunch with all my friends.”

Xavier nodded his head and took a sip of his beer, “What about boys? Any guys trying to talk to you?”

Von briefly thought of Ja, but pushed him from her mind, “Please, white guys don’t want black girls,”
“What about the black guys?”

“They don’t want black girls either, they want white girls.”

“You’re too good for them anyway.”

Von smiled at her brother, “Thanks, but it doesn’t feel that way when all your girlfriends’ are hooking up and you’re left on the sidelines.”

“Hook ups don’t mean shit anyway. It just means you let a boy get it in. Boys respect girls that hold out.”

Von laughed at her brother’s ridiculous rant, “Did you respect girls that ‘held out’?”

Xavier glared at her, “Before I realized that, no. I practice what I preach now.”

Von laughed and let a brief silence wash over them, it’s now or never she thought to herself.

“So Xi, you remember Chandra right?”

“That ratchet nosey girl that you use you hang out with? Yeah.”

Von rolled her eyes at her brother’s description, “Anyway, she caught me on my way home the other night and she told me somebody she knew knows where mom is.”

A silence fell over the pair before Xavier slowly raised his eyes to his sister, “Why the fuck you telling me this?”

Von let out a sigh, “because she’s our mother, and she needs our help.”

Xavier moved to throw away his empty beer bottle, “She chose her path in life. She had ample amounts of time to try and contact us or try and mother us, but she chose drugs and the streets.”

“And now you’re out here selling the same thing our mother is addicted to!”

Xavier quickly turned to his sister fire in his eyes and his voice raised several octaves, “She gave me no choice!! Did you forget she kicked me out when I was fourteen? Did you forget when we didn’t have the lights on or the water running? Don’t pull that bullshit on me Vontrice!!”

“I was just hoping that you would go with me to check on her,” Von said wiping the tears from her eyes, “I didn’t want to go alone.”

Xavier let out a long sigh and pulled his little sister in his arms. Von quickly snuggled into his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you, okay? I haven’t forgiven mom for the stuff she did to us and I’m not ready to see her yet, alright?”

Von nodded, “I want you to stop selling.”

“I will, I’m gonna go back to school and get a great degree. I can only stay out here a few more months anyway. I don’t want you beating me on going to college first.”

Vontrice managed a small smile, “You promise?”

Xavier squeezed her tighter, “Of course, you know I’d do anything for you.”

Von moved back and wiped the remainder of her tears away, “I love you Xi.”

“I love you too Von.” Xavier gave his sister one last hug and kissed her on the forehead, “I’ll be back later on tonight. Make sure you lock up everything.”

“I will. Be careful.”

“I’ll try.”

Von walked her brother to the door making sure to bolt it shut. Moving back into the kitchen, she tossed a frozen pizza into the oven and picked up her phone again. She pressed the redial button and waited for Ja to answer.