Wrists

I sat in my bathtub for a long time, splashing the water up against my chest. I felt so cold; so, so cold. I turned the water too the very hot side so I could warm my body down. It felt so nice to sit in there, lean back, and close my eyes. No one to bother me, no one to stare at me, no one to question me. I could just be alone with the slumbering demons in my head.

I wasn’t going to tell them. Not yet. Maybe not for a while. But, sooner or later, I was going to. I was just too afraid of their reactions to do so. And telling them would be coming to terms with my eating disorder problems. I would rather keep them locked up inside than letting anyone know.

Well. Elijah knows now. But, for some reason, it was fairly easy to come to terms with that realization. I actually didn’t mind that he knew. Elijah seemed to be the only person that I was comfortable with. It was nice.

I sat in the bathtub for a full hour.

I didn’t want to get out and face reality again.