Status: The end. Thank you all so much for reading.
Wrists
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“Maybe we threw it all at her too fast.” Elijah was back in my car, in the passenger seat, sipping on a Dairy Queen milkshake while I sipped my coffee. It was after college classes the next day (after I managed to get away from my worried mother the following day). “She was probably way too confused. We should’ve taken it slowly.” He turned to look at me. “But now maybe she’ll start to be more gentle with you. Y’know—now that she understands your side of the story.”
I shrugged. My whole body felt heavy, like invisible bricks were weighing down on it. My eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. My skin was pale. I was mentally and physically in pain. And there was nothing I could possibly do to heal it.
Elijah stared at me for a long while. “You can’t possibly think she’d be able to understand, right? 90% of people don’t understand... disordered eating. She’s confused—she doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know what you want. Give her time.”
I shrugged again.
I mean, he was right. I shouldn’t have expected her to drink everything in so easily and find a permanent solution. She may have needed some comforting herself. But it still hurt all the same. I bowed my head, not wanting Elijah to see the look of misery I held.
His large hand gripped my shoulder—strong at first, but then gently—and he looked me in the eyes. “Graham. Please don’t make her feel like she’s entirely to blame. Let some time pass. Try and give her space. She’ll need it.”
I held back my tears.
“You want to get better, don’t you?”
I parted my chapped lips. “I... I don’t kn—”
“—yeah. You do. Otherwise you wouldn’t have done this.” He pressed his mouth to my jaw. “Do this because you need to. Not because someone is telling you to. Understand?” His breath was hot against my flesh. I turned my head to him so our lips met. We stayed in that position for a while, until I pulled back just enough to whisper,
“I know.”
We sat in one another’s company for a while longer.
I shrugged. My whole body felt heavy, like invisible bricks were weighing down on it. My eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. My skin was pale. I was mentally and physically in pain. And there was nothing I could possibly do to heal it.
Elijah stared at me for a long while. “You can’t possibly think she’d be able to understand, right? 90% of people don’t understand... disordered eating. She’s confused—she doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know what you want. Give her time.”
I shrugged again.
I mean, he was right. I shouldn’t have expected her to drink everything in so easily and find a permanent solution. She may have needed some comforting herself. But it still hurt all the same. I bowed my head, not wanting Elijah to see the look of misery I held.
His large hand gripped my shoulder—strong at first, but then gently—and he looked me in the eyes. “Graham. Please don’t make her feel like she’s entirely to blame. Let some time pass. Try and give her space. She’ll need it.”
I held back my tears.
“You want to get better, don’t you?”
I parted my chapped lips. “I... I don’t kn—”
“—yeah. You do. Otherwise you wouldn’t have done this.” He pressed his mouth to my jaw. “Do this because you need to. Not because someone is telling you to. Understand?” His breath was hot against my flesh. I turned my head to him so our lips met. We stayed in that position for a while, until I pulled back just enough to whisper,
“I know.”
We sat in one another’s company for a while longer.
♠ ♠ ♠
Here you go.