Status: The end. Thank you all so much for reading.
Wrists
visit .
My first challenge was to look at myself in the mirror every morning, and simply talk to me. Talk to Graham. About anything. Ms. Hill said that if I can get comfortable looking at myself, I can move forward in having a positive body image. The morning of visiting day, that’s just what I did. I got out of bed, forced myself to strip down to my boxers, and I stared into my eyes. It was awkward at first—you know, asking yourself how your day has been. But I ended up rambling on to myself like a creep until Dr. Reynolds called for breakfast.
I gathered the strength to also tell Amelia what I had done the day before. I could tell she was highly disappointed in me—and it made me feel really bad—but she also assured me that we all slip up sometimes, and that I was going to be okay. “I can tell you’re a really strong person,” she said.
I wished I could believe her.
We returned to our rooms for the visitors to come, and I stared at my reflection in the vanity mirror beside my bed until my family arrived. My mother told me that I’m starting to look like myself again (who was I before this?), and Cheyenne only hugged me tight and said that she missed me so much, and how the house was empty without me. My father, oddly, came again, and actually embraced me this time. I was surprised, but also very pleased. He didn’t know how good he could make me feel sometimes.
Soon they left, and Elijah came. This time with May. May was sobbing and hugging me and muttering how much she missed me. I guess that meant Elijah told her everything. I expected to be upset; I waited for the anger to come, but nothing did. I guess it was best she knew. So I held her back, and she never let go for a long, long while.
But when she did, Elijah took her place. “You’re looking so much better,” he whispered against my cheek, breath hot. “Y’still look like Bambi, but still. Much, much better.” I didn’t know what to say about the ‘compliment,’ so I simply let him hold me to his chest.
“When are you leaving treatment?” May asked me, blue eyes exploring the bedroom.
“My mom told me I had 4-5 more months here.” It was upsetting to think that I had so much longer to go, but it was most likely for the best. I wanted the demons to go away, didn’t I? Of course. So here I’ll stay. At least until my mental state improves.
“That’s going to take forever,” May whined.
“He needs it,” Elijah warned, holding me tighter against him. “We want Graham to be happy, don’t we?” He looked down at me and met my gaze. He looked so serious and determined; I really didn’t want to let him down. To make sure he understood I was trying my best, I gave him a gentle peck to the lips. May stared at us for a long while, seeming to forget we acted intimate with one another, and then tore her eyes away. Elijah playfully returned the kiss.
“I mean—of course I want him to be happy, but.” She sighed helplessly. “I just really want to see him again. Out of here.” She turned to us. “I actually liked his thinness.” She said it like it was supposed to make me feel better. But it only made my chest hurt. Elijah returned the comment with a death glare; blue eyes darkening.
“May!” Elijah snapped. “That’s the worst thing to say to someone with an eating disorder!”
“I don’t have an eating disorder,” I said before I could stop myself. Elijah turned his dark eyes to me. I felt my stomach drop, immediately regretting speaking up to him. He looked so livid.
“Whether you want to believe it or not, you do, Graham,” I could tell he was trying to soften his voice for me, but his words still stung all the same.
May looked remorseful for her comment. “I’m sorry,” she said no to one in particular. “It’s just. I don’t know. I don’t know what I was saying.” I felt bad.
“It’s fine,” I said, albeit it really wasn’t. I actually liked his thinness. Did that mean I wasn’t anymore? Was I fatter than I had expected? I reached down to feel my rolls of fat, but, almost like he knew, Elijah’s large hand grabbed mine and pulled it back up to his lips.
He didn’t look as mad anymore. He just looked broken. Confused. Helpless. He was only trying to help me. He was being so supportive and kind to me. And May was, too, even if she said the wrong things at times.
“I’m glad you guys came,” I said, kissing Elijah again. Showing affection in front of May made me a tad uncomfortable, but I mostly didn’t care. I just wanted Elijah to know that I honestly appreciated his help. Even if he didn’t want to date a fuck up. I wouldn’t want to, either. “Thank you.”
Elijah smiled with his eyes. Adorable creases formed at the corners of them as his pink lips curled upwards.
And he returned the kiss 100%.
I gathered the strength to also tell Amelia what I had done the day before. I could tell she was highly disappointed in me—and it made me feel really bad—but she also assured me that we all slip up sometimes, and that I was going to be okay. “I can tell you’re a really strong person,” she said.
I wished I could believe her.
We returned to our rooms for the visitors to come, and I stared at my reflection in the vanity mirror beside my bed until my family arrived. My mother told me that I’m starting to look like myself again (who was I before this?), and Cheyenne only hugged me tight and said that she missed me so much, and how the house was empty without me. My father, oddly, came again, and actually embraced me this time. I was surprised, but also very pleased. He didn’t know how good he could make me feel sometimes.
Soon they left, and Elijah came. This time with May. May was sobbing and hugging me and muttering how much she missed me. I guess that meant Elijah told her everything. I expected to be upset; I waited for the anger to come, but nothing did. I guess it was best she knew. So I held her back, and she never let go for a long, long while.
But when she did, Elijah took her place. “You’re looking so much better,” he whispered against my cheek, breath hot. “Y’still look like Bambi, but still. Much, much better.” I didn’t know what to say about the ‘compliment,’ so I simply let him hold me to his chest.
“When are you leaving treatment?” May asked me, blue eyes exploring the bedroom.
“My mom told me I had 4-5 more months here.” It was upsetting to think that I had so much longer to go, but it was most likely for the best. I wanted the demons to go away, didn’t I? Of course. So here I’ll stay. At least until my mental state improves.
“That’s going to take forever,” May whined.
“He needs it,” Elijah warned, holding me tighter against him. “We want Graham to be happy, don’t we?” He looked down at me and met my gaze. He looked so serious and determined; I really didn’t want to let him down. To make sure he understood I was trying my best, I gave him a gentle peck to the lips. May stared at us for a long while, seeming to forget we acted intimate with one another, and then tore her eyes away. Elijah playfully returned the kiss.
“I mean—of course I want him to be happy, but.” She sighed helplessly. “I just really want to see him again. Out of here.” She turned to us. “I actually liked his thinness.” She said it like it was supposed to make me feel better. But it only made my chest hurt. Elijah returned the comment with a death glare; blue eyes darkening.
“May!” Elijah snapped. “That’s the worst thing to say to someone with an eating disorder!”
“I don’t have an eating disorder,” I said before I could stop myself. Elijah turned his dark eyes to me. I felt my stomach drop, immediately regretting speaking up to him. He looked so livid.
“Whether you want to believe it or not, you do, Graham,” I could tell he was trying to soften his voice for me, but his words still stung all the same.
May looked remorseful for her comment. “I’m sorry,” she said no to one in particular. “It’s just. I don’t know. I don’t know what I was saying.” I felt bad.
“It’s fine,” I said, albeit it really wasn’t. I actually liked his thinness. Did that mean I wasn’t anymore? Was I fatter than I had expected? I reached down to feel my rolls of fat, but, almost like he knew, Elijah’s large hand grabbed mine and pulled it back up to his lips.
He didn’t look as mad anymore. He just looked broken. Confused. Helpless. He was only trying to help me. He was being so supportive and kind to me. And May was, too, even if she said the wrong things at times.
“I’m glad you guys came,” I said, kissing Elijah again. Showing affection in front of May made me a tad uncomfortable, but I mostly didn’t care. I just wanted Elijah to know that I honestly appreciated his help. Even if he didn’t want to date a fuck up. I wouldn’t want to, either. “Thank you.”
Elijah smiled with his eyes. Adorable creases formed at the corners of them as his pink lips curled upwards.
And he returned the kiss 100%.