Love: Addiction
Low.
Low
Tunes; playing, curling in the back round.
Sharp, rusted, razor blade pulling against my dull cold skin.
I take a deep breath, slowly,
Drag.
, and watch the blood take control.
“Noel “
Not enough time.
Not enough time, to clean up the mess that I have made.
Not enough time to pull myself together, and seem semi-sane.
Has it really been so long since I’ve been... Sane?
I’m never given enough time.
But I’ve learned to work with what I’m given.
“Um, sorry, diarrhea?”
My mom doesn’t believe anything I say.
She’s really smart, and I don’t even have to say anything for her to know I’m lying.
It’s not really about her believing what I’m saying, but it’s a matter of her not caring.
We both know that when I come in at all hours in the night, with beautiful glass eyes, and a smile that doesn’t exist when I’m sober, and I say, “Sorry, fell asleep, “ that I’m lying.
I don’t know why I lie.
Sometimes I believe, it’s only because one day I hope to believe the lies I tell.
And one point.
My lies were truths, and my truths were lies.
“Do you ever think that one day, the world will just go into a shock state? Like how people get when their really scared, or something, and they just get shocked and die. Do you think that will really happen? Like a global thing?”
Sometimes, I say things because I want to work nerves out of some people.
Some times when I say just the right things, to just the right people I get just the reaction I want.
It’s almost like picking a fight.
“You don’t have to worry about any of that, Noel, you’re only 13. None of that matters to you, just live your life. In a couple of years from now when you’re say, 16, then you should worry about the world going into a state of shock. “
Why when I’m sixteen?
Why such a particular number? Why not now?
“Why?”
“Because you’ll start applying for colleges, and we all known how things will work out then don’t we?”
But now, I am 16.
And the last thing on my mind is applying for colleges, because first I have to get into a high school.
The first step to getting into a high school, is registering.
I’d rather sniff a line.
A pure, white, flowerly line .
Inhale…..
Inhale….
Inhale all the wonders, and goods of a well kept line.
Exhale…
Exhale…
Exhale all my cares, for the time being.
Until. I. crash.