Happy the Hard Way

"hey" Cameron said awkwardly. Kallel gave him an awkward smile. Cameron didn’t say anything, he just looked at her, holding her hand. finally he spoke up "...why? Why would you do this Kallel?" he asked, looking away from her.

She could tell Cameron couldn’t she? She trusted him. Kallel closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths "About two months ago....I was raped" She said, her eyes still closed, she didn’t want to see his face when she told him. "I constantly felt disgusting and dirty, it wouldn’t go away. I was sick of feeling so down on myself, and i know that it was my fault that I got raped so the best option to me was...to die." she said, slowing opening her eyes. Cameron stood there, looking at her in shock.

"why didn’t you tell anyone...why didn’t you tell me? you know you can trust me Kallel…I could have helped you" he said, sounding irritated.

"because you hate me." she said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"that’s not true, not one bit. why would you think that? I thought you hated me, you were constantly avoiding me, you broke up with me for no apparent reason only to be going out with Mark the next day..." he said, sounding hurt.

Kallel covered her face with her hands "Logan was the one who beat you up when you were running that morning. He wanted me back....he threatened to hurt you and Elizabeth. I couldn’t let that happen...so I did what he told me to, dump you, date him, use mark as the decoy. Mark was in it for the free pot..." she drifted off, embarrassed. When Cameron didn’t say anything she continued, "Logan said he was better, that the classes and time in Juvi fixed him, i didn’t believe it, but he never hit me...until that night he-"

Cameron cut her off "Raped you. He raped you. Logan. Logan did this to you, he made you feel so low on yourself you tried to commit suicide. And you think its your fault you got raped? That’s not true, not one bit! You didn’t deserve this…" Cameron said, his actions were calm but his voice was filled with hate and anger.

"That's why he wanted to go back out with me again." She said, then she explained everything that happened since she broke up with Cameron, all the way up until the night she tried to kill herself.

"so, you don’t love mark?" he asked, gently wiping Kallel's tears away with his thumb.

Kallel shook her head "He's a friend now, he's a really sweet guy. But no, i'm not in love with mark, I’m not dating him or anyone… I never was" she sighed.

Cameron slowly nodded, a nervous look on his face. He cupped Kallel's face in his hands and slowly moved his face closer to hers. He stopped when their lips lightly touched. "You're the most beautiful girl ever Kallel, you didn’t deserve any of this. I love you" he said, then he kissed her.

That was all Kallel needed to hear to feel so stupid for trying to kill herself. She'd always thought cameron hated her...clearly, she was wrong. Although, she did love Cameron, when he kissed her memories filled her brain that night Logan raped her. She quickly pushed Cameron away, feeling bad.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have" cameron said quietly.

Kallel shook her head, wiping tears from her eyes "its not you, its me. And i know that’s the worst excuse but it truly is me. I just...i can't have someone touch me or memories from that night Logan...did what he did, come back to me, and it just feels so real" she said. Cameron nodded and looked at his feet. "you should probably go home...its late." Kallel said.

“No I want to stay” he pleaded.

Kallel shook her head “cameron, no. go home” she gave him a small wave at him as he left her room.

The terrifying dreams had finally stopped, she'd had them almost every night for an entire month. The next day, doctors, her parents and a therapist were crowded in her hospital room, listening to Kallel tell her story about what logan did and trying to kill herself. The whole time her parents looked at her with sorrow, their expressions said what they didn’t, that she didn’t deserve this, logan should be in jail forever, they would have rather taken her place.

That day Kallel found out that about an hour after taking the pills her mom came home to check on her and found her laying in the bathroom. Luckily for Kallel she was at the hospital less than an hour later, which gave the doctors enough time to treat her before the pills killed her.
Kallel felt so stupid now, for trying to kill herself. after having a one-on-one with the therapist she realized how dumb of her that was, she was such a coward for taking the easy way out...she had thought it was the best for everyone she knew; but now she knew that choice was wrong, way wrong.

she wasn’t allowed to have any visitors besides family that day. So the next day Nathan came in and visited her. "have you heard from cameron" kallel asked him, taking a bite of her applesauce.

Nathan shook his head "not really, he's been an introvert for the past 2 days...its weird you know?" he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Kallel nodded slowly "i think....i think i upset him." she admitted. Nathan raised his eyebrows, as if to question why. "I told him everything that happened, you know? then he was like 'so you're single, and you're not in love with mark?' i was like yeah, then he kissed me...but i had a flashback from the night logan raped me, so i pushed him away. i didn’t mean to, I swear, my body just reacted that way. i felt terrible, so i told him he should go home."

Nathan sighed "that boy has had his emotions jerked around a lot lately, I’ll talk to him; see if he'll come down" he offered

"thanks" kallel smiled. "Today they're moving me to that like mental place for people with like eating disorders and abused people and rape victims and suicide attempts. i fit like all of those categories" she sighed

"I know what you're feeling...well to an extent. When my parents told me I was adopted I freaked, like mentally. I was constantly rebelling and running away. i know what its like to not feel wanted. i know that your issue is way bigger, but i understand. it gets better." he said apologetically, the nurses walked in and Nathan stood up giving Kallel’s hand a quick squeeze "i'll see you later, and i'll talk to cameron." then he left.